askerian | *random GW-related ramblings*

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random GW-related ramblings

Hey SaH girls, I was tagging my old entries again and I found references to our main RP. Man, I kind of miss it. Also found the entry where I was discussing the away messages I used for Heero's AIM screen name, and most of them look kind of silly now, but this one still cracks me up:

Keyword: sword
I am away for the moment because Wufei needs help polishing his sword. I'll be back in a half hour or so, provided he doesn't give me a hand plugging in my laptop.

This needs to be a fic. NOT BY ME.

Oh and um, Sera, Mikke, do you think we should try to complete the Massive Evilness? It's a bit of a waste, to have so much of it typed up, and not completing it. u.u; (but then, it's also GW. Mikke, do you even still write GW? ^^; )

In other news, I'm staring at the Cloneness and trying to write more of it, but so far it's not happening. =_=;

edit:

I want to read crack things (fic, ficlet, random crack dialogues/scenelets) about an AU where Naruto is a pimp-in-training and Jiraiya is his mentor. And Sasuke would be one of his prized bitches if only he could *cough* convince him. XD Sakura-and-Ino, Neji, Hinata, Gaara and Sai would totally be part of his harem already.

Naruto and his hos. *loves* ♥ XD

edit edit: ZOMG

rayemars wrote me a Naruto-Sakura-and-Ino ficlet and EEEEE. awesome.

... of course other people can still write theirs if they feel like it. *tries to look cute?*

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*wraps Heero and Wufei in loin-cloths and not much else and sends them to writhe about on your floor with a bottle of baby oil in order to inspire you*
Or... I could send you chocolate... >_>

I had to leave the GW fandom. The fans were driving me nuts, and I got sick of all the wank about pairings and such.

I still enjoy reading stuff from GW that's recommended to me though. Even if I don't take time out to venture into the Pit to look around for good fics.

i've discovered that if you get deep into ANY fandom, the fans will drive you nuts. The best thing to do is to hole up in your corner and only read on recommendations by more courageous people. XD And avoiding the main mailing lists or communities like the plague.

siiiii ! cloneness !!!

ooo!
i'll have to hang around ur comments in case somebody writes it for you :D

Your wish is my command (http://rayemars.livejournal.com/249304.html).

... this is made of utter win and I love you. like, love you. *elopes with you*

OBVIOUS SPOILERS FOR MANGA BELOW THIS POINT, plus, you know, crack.

After having his idea rejected for a third time, Jiraiya grunted in frustration and turned away from Tsunade for a few moments. Extremely Devious Thoughts flickered through his mind, but none seemed to stick until ... he turned back around to Tsunade, a face-splitting grin forced the lines of his eyes into bright crescents.

Tsunade cut him off before he began. She warned, "Whatever it is that you're thinking, the answer is still no. And shouldn't you be doing something useful?"

Her longtime friend, albeit insane and perverted friend, pouted back at her in what he must've thought of as an appealing manner.

Tsunade closed her eyes, pressed her fingertips to her flawless forehead, and heaved a great sigh.

"Tell me again why I haven't thrown you out the window yet," she demanded of the man standing beside her.

"My incredible charm, legendary looks, and unbeatable ability to gather information," he replied, smiling.

"That only goes so far, Jiraiya. You're getting to be an Old Man."

He narrowed his eyes at her, ready to throw the Age Card back in her face, but stopped in time to avoid serious injury. As it was, he had to dodge both a fist and a flying coffee mug ... the latter of which shattered against the wall behind him.

Tsunade recollected herself and stated, "Skills or no, the idea is still ridiculous. Exactly why you thought that I'd go along with your perverted scheme, I'll never-"

Jiraiya held his hands up in the air. "But you said yourself that the village needed money! With this great time of peace, we can't rely on missions to provide a steady source of income."

"We need income, yes, but there's a difference, a very large difference between finding respectable, paid positions in the village and whoring out children."

Jiraiya scoffed. "They're hardly children anymore, especially with the missions they've been sent on. That aside, just think about it. They each have the capacity for ambition, the well fit and trained bodies, and the perceptive qualities that make for a great, attentive lover. I choose to think of it as cultivating discipline and skills for future missions."

"That you choose to think of it at all disturbs me. Tell me, even if I permitted this harebrained scheme of yours, how do you expect people to trust an old man as a pimp?"

He laughed. "Ohohoho. See, this is where the brilliance comes in."

Tsunade didn't look convinced.

Jiraiya continued, "I've decided that I will not put myself in such a position to devastate the masses with heartbreak. For, surely, my handsome features would bedazzle potential customers, and I would spend most of my time fending off the young men and split between too many beautiful women."

"Surely." A simple rolling of the eyes wasn't enough to deter Jiraiya, so Tsunade added an abrupt cough and asked, "You were saying?"

"Oh, oh yes. My apprentice, Naruto, will be taking on the commanding role."

Tsunade blinked. "You want Naruto to head this off? ... Jiraiya, when you said that you experimented with hallucinogenic toads before, I thought that you meant it as a one-time deal." She peered closer at him, skeptically. "You haven't taken up smoking herbs again, have you? I swear, if I have to drag Orochimaru's ass back from the dead for an intervention-"

"No, no! Nothing like that," Jiraiya assured, backing up a few paces for good measure. "It's just that I see such potential in these youths, and I'd hate to see it wasted on petty jobs like flower-arranging."

She replied, "I'll have you know that the Yamanaka's are revered members of this village and-"

"Ohhh, yes!" Jiraiya smiled, clearly tuning out Tsunade in favor of the image his mind had painted. "That Ino, now there's a shapely prize of a woman. I suggested she get her own personal room, but my apprentice hinted that she be paired up with that luscious pink thing-"

"Sakura?!"

"-and now you can see why Naruto's the obvious choice for this position. Such surprising depths to his vision."

Crossing her arms, Tsunade levelled Jiraiya with her best glare. "You are not bringing my apprentice into this."

"But she's obviously a matched set with Ino, and without them, we've only got the Hyuuga girl and-"

"You haven't got anyone at all."

"No, but Naruto could get the Hyuuga boy, the bloodthirsty sand-brat, and the penis prodigy on our side in a flash."

"Our side? I never agreed to any of this! And ... penis prodigy? Who-"

"You know the one. He's a little artsy ... came back from his mission to Sound, babbling about bonds."

"Ah," she conceded. "Speaking of which, hypothetically, how were you planning to involve Uchiha Sasuke in this?"

"Oh, he's obviously the prize bitch ... er, worker." Jiraiya laughed nervously. "He'll take a little bit of convincing."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "A little?"

He let out a low whistle and said, "Well, I think if we can get Ino and Sakura together, then we'll have him within two months. No man can resist that combination."

Tsunade pressed the tips of her fingers together in a steeple which she rested on the desk before her. She seemed to seriously consider Jiraiya's words for the first time that night.

After several minutes passed, she looked over at Jiraiya and smirked. "Two rounds of drinks say that if you send Naruto instead of the girls, you'll have the boy in three weeks."

END

Ohh, such delicious crack. Jiraiya, you old pervert you, what kind of idea is that, seriously. And I love the last line. XD Tsunade!! ♥~

Hee. I blame his idea on the writing of too many novels, as clearly they've gone to his head and skewed his sense of reality. :o) Thanks for the prompting.

Goodness, two crack responses within a week ... obviously, I should not be online when working on an essay. *facepalms*

(...can't believe I'm doing this.)

Silence. Then...

"Fine."

Naruto, Ino and Sakura all nearly lost their jaws - you could hear the cartilage pop as they fell open. For that matter, so did Jiraiya and Kakashi, who were Definitely-Not-Eavesdropping with their ears to the door.

"...Wha?"

"I said fine. Mission accepted, if you like."

"Bu.. bu... bu..."

"S-Sasuke-kun," Sakura stammered. Ino was probably still in shock. "I mean, I'm glad, but I thought you'd..."

"What? It makes sense. Besides, I've done it before." There was just the faintest hint of amusement in his voice, probably at the fact that he'd managed to strike Naruto speechless.

The silence was physically tangible.

"What?" Naruto snarled at last. Jiraiya shivered. Yup, there was some Kyuubi chakra starting to well up in there.

"It was a convenient way to bargain with Orochimaru. If he wanted a night, he had to pay in scrolls, jutsu and time training." There was definitely a smirk in Sasuke's voice. "It also helped limit his more... creative kinks. After the bargain I drove when he wanted a bondage threesome with Kabuto, he usually left the more perverted fantasies to his imagination."

Naruto was snarling low in his throat - something about dragging snakes back from the grave and killing them again. Sakura, amusingly enough, was joining in, and suggesting things that could be done to them prior to the killing, most involving various forms of surgery sans anesthesia. Ino... was much too quiet, so maybe she'd fainted. Kakashi just had his book in front of his face again (Ah, Icha-Icha Revenge. One of Jiraiya's best, if he did say so himself), so there was no reading his reaction.

Personally, Jiraiya was wondering if perhaps Orochimaru had kept a photo collection, and whether it had survived the destruction of his lair.

*DIES* SASUKE. Oh gawd, so matter of fact, and SO delighting in shocking the hell out of people. ♥ Oh yeah, I think I could see that attitude with him. XD

thank you! ^^

(...can't believe I'm doing this.)
I'm glad you've joined the club. *g*

Awesome job! I really like the way that the narrative moves from person to person with quick, easy-to-follow transitions. Also, Sasuke's words? Priceless. *dies* It's just how I'd like to see it play out. :oD

Oh my goodness! *applauds both of you* Hilarious!

^_^ (Of course, it spawned... -_-)

"Tsunade. We have a problem."

"See my face? This is called a complete lack of surprise."

"Very funny. It's Uchiha."

"...I thought that he had no objections?" And oh, Tsunade did not want to think about that. She knew Orochimaru was perverted, she really would prefer to do without the details.

Then again, around Jiraiya, that was a lost cause from the start. Damn.

Jiraiya coughed, looking baffled. "Well, to be more specific, it's about Uchiha."

"He's not popular enough?" Tsunade asked dryly.

"Not with Naruto and Sakura threatening to eviscerate anyone who tries to lay hands on him." Jiraiya looked positively baffled. "Who would have thought those two were so possessive?"

Tsunade just looked at him flatly and decided maybe it was time to start gently easing the poor man into retirement. Clearly his mind was going. "After three years, two S-class missing-nin, massive property damage, and several dozen new craters scattered hither and yon, and you still have to ask?"

This drabble is made of WIN.

Personally, Jiraiya was wondering if perhaps Orochimaru had kept a photo collection, and whether it had survived the destruction of his lair.

XD I see we think alike... I've been having bunnies wherein Tsunade and her assistants are going through Orochimaru's library following his demise, and Sakura runs across his porn stash XP

I've been having bunnies wherein Tsunade and her assistants are going through Orochimaru's library following his demise, and Sakura runs across his porn stash.

...Just on a hunch, she'd be torn between crying, blowing a few craters of her own, drooling, and going to do a little personal research of her own. Have to make sure that Sasuke-kun didn't suffer any lasting damage from the experience, right? :-P

No.

*Falls off Chair*

... Of course, I love you for writing this... It begged to be written...

Now, if I could only figure out how to do that "heart" thingy in lj, it would be great...

& hearts; without the space = ♥

Thank you! I've been wanting to know this forever!!! ♥

wonderful ;)

Keyword: sword
I am away for the moment because Wufei needs help polishing his sword. I'll be back in a half hour or so, provided he doesn't give me a hand plugging in my laptop.

.............. *dies* XD

Awesome! I really hope you combine it into one big, hot, steamy fic.
Preferably involving a fight about the remains of Orochimaru's porn stash.

*imagines:

The penis prodigy is sniffing around in the remains of Orochimaru's operation center. Then his porn-, err, artistic sense tingles: possible masterpiece detected. Sai doves into the debris and emerges with some burnt photographs. Looks around stealthily and stashes them away in his bag, then weasels aside.

In the evening: the camp, Sai is turned away from the others (and they don't bother with him because he's already annoyed the hell out of them with his bonds monologues). Sai drools at the picture of the Sasuke covered in whipped cream and some cherries placed in strategically important places. Some bondage clothes included. And his penis is soooo big. Drool, drool.

Then someone snatches the picture away. Jiraya! Nooooooo! A fight ensues.

"Dammit, kid - this is evidence."

Yada, yada.

But all ends well and the pic is featured in the next issue of Icha Icha Paradise with Sai becoming the editor's apprentice.'

And not to forget Sakura, Ino and Naruto who would snap up the whole issue to prevent dear Sasuke-kun from being palpated even ad vicem.

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random GW-related ramblings

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Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

Re: Forget IC and plot, this is Crack Dialogue.

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