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[naruto]teamwork -- Sakura's first time
Okay, so for those who missed the previous post: I'm writing a fic for MommyRogers, who wanted to know who Sakura's first lover had been since she wasn't a virgin in teamwork. I didn't feel like making her have an affair with another genin, since somehow none of them seemed to fit. So this meant the dreaded OC. I figured, if i want it to be with an OC, may as well go all the way. So Sakura's first isn't a ninja, and isn't amazingly beautiful, and isn't OMG evil or OMG!lost romance. And to add even more to the whole "rather ordinary first time" thinger, this doesn't even happen in konoha.
Writing a ninja living with normal people is a lot more fun than i thought it would be. o_o;;
They hadn't even been there for a day and already she missed Konoha. It was silly, she knew; she had been away on missions longer than that before. But it was different this time. This time, she didn't have her team with her. This time, she was not a ninja on a mission, she was a fifteen-year-old girl visiting family with her parents for the summer holidays.
She was wearing Ino's ribbon in her hair, and it felt weird, not heavy and solid enough compared to her forehead protector. But then, it also reminded her that for a month she didn't need her hair to be pulled back that tight and that it didn't matter if she had to redo the knot more often. Besides, it made her think of her best friend, and while she missed her, it was good to have a reminder.
She had visited her mother's side of the family before, of course, but that was before entering the Academy. She didn't remember them so well anymore, and her cousins had changed as much as she had. Yumeko, the eldest girl, which she still thought of as a bossy, adventurous redhead, had turned into a regular lady. As for the boys, they didn't even remember her -- or barely.
The house was at the edge of the small town, with a wide garden in the back opening on wide fields and a few clumps of bushes here and there. Apart from that, the ground was flat. No mountains, no tall trees, and especially no outside walls -- the waist-high one separating the garden and the little road that circled the town didn't count. Sakura couldn't sleep, and ended up slipping out of the room she shared with Yumeko to place traps at the exits.
She grinned sheepishly when she caught her father setting up a tripwire in front of the chimney, and he noticed her handful of ninja hardware. He let her help, though.
She was glad to see that even though her father had stopped working as ninja a few years after her birth, he found the openness of the area as unnerving as she did. It made her feel less silly. Because her aunt and cousin had clucked and frowned at the way she'd dodged the boys' flying tackle as if it was life or death, and then her mother had made her leave her weapon pouch in the bedroom, and then proceeded to lecture her on leaving work behind.
Her mother knew that ninja wasn't something you did but something you were, but sometimes, she didn't want to be reminded.
Discussion with Yumeko sometimes went well, like when they discussed boys -- though she refused to believe Sakura about how truly handsome Sasuke-kun was -- and sometimes went mildly okay when Sakura tried to explain why it was hard to find pretty clothes in Konoha -- because it was important that they were easy to move in and treated against fire and tearing just as much as pretty -- and sometimes went totally nonexistent, like when Yumeko poked through her make-up and found the needles seeped in sleeping drugs -- luckily not with her fingers.
The boys had decided that taking her by surprise was a challenge, and kept stalking her around the house and attempting to tackle her from behind. Her aunt insisted that they'd leave her alone if only they could feel smug about succeeding, because right now she was insulting their male pride, but Sakura just couldn't manage -- because they didn't quite suck, and her instincts bugged her if she stood still while there was danger, as slight as it was. It was fun, anyway, and actually reminded her of home and the numerous times Naruto's friends Konohamaru and company had stalked her.
She missed Sasuke-kun, though, even if he never did talk much, and she missed Naruto and Kakashi-sensei too. And the mornings at the bridge, the three of them waiting for their teacher, and the way Naruto and her would chatter and fight and the way sometimes they would actually talk about serious things and Sasuke would comment -- not often, really, rare and precious moments, but moments that had no chance of happening again while she was here. They'd been together for two years now; and while she had gone on longer than that without seeing them whenever there was no mission for their team, there had always been the knowledge that they were just a few streets away. It was like missing a limb or being deaf suddenly.
She didn't allow herself to mope too much, though; the countryside was pretty and she was glad to have some time with her family, as unfamiliar as it all was. And her aunt had asked Yumeko to bring her along the next time she met her friends. Though Sakura was far from the crying, scared little girl she had bee, it reminded her a little of moving into Konoha as a child. Maybe there would be an Ino there, too.
+
The town was a little too large to circle it for her morning run, so instead she decided to run the shortest path between the tree clumps she could see from the back garden of her aunt's house, checking them out at the same time. Most of the trees were too small to climb, which really sucked, but the ground wasn't as flat as it looked from the house, which made her run more interesting.
Yumeko was sitting on the wall when Sakura jogged back to the garden, with two boys that she identified as the neighbors' sons, that she'd met briefly the day of her arrival, and an older girl she assumed was that best friend she'd been hearing about.
"Urgh, you're all sweaty," Yumeko teased her as she joined them.
Sakura smiled and shrugged. "Yes, well, I've been doing my exercises. Hello."
The girl grinned back. "Hi, I'm Kimi. You're Sakura, right? And the guys are Junta and Ken."
Junta was a lean guy with thick, smooth black hair, and narrow black eyes, and Ken's hair was that weird shade that isn't blond, but isn't brown or chestnut either. His smile was faint and probably meant to look mysterious, but Sakura read it as sarcastic; he was also checking her out. She smiled politely at both of them as she stretched her legs discreetly, not wanting to get too sore.
"So what's it like being a ninja?" Kimi asked, almost bouncing on the spot. The boys blinked, and stared, in a way that implied that they had known, but had either disbelieved it or forgotten.
"Ehh," she hedged, wondering what they wanted to know. "I don't know. What's it like, being a civilian?"
The girl laughed, as if she'd said the funniest thing she'd heard in a month. Thing was, Sakura wasn't sure she'd been joking. She smiled anyway.
"Well -- I guess it's rather demanding physically; we have to train a lot to keep in shape."
"Which is why you were actually up at this ungodly hour of the morning," Ken commented, smirking.
"When did you get up anyway?" Yumeko asked before Sakura could figure out an answer that wouldn't sound like he was getting to her -- because he wasn't, but unless she read him all wrong, she knew his type; they liked to get a reaction out of people.
Her cousin looked at her weird when she actually told her.
"You're crazy. That's -- you've been jogging for three hours?!"
Sakura blinked. Actually, she had also shadow-boxed for a half-hour and it had been more of a madly dashing between the tree clumps than any sort of jogging, but... "Oh. Uhm. Yes."
"Whoa," Junta whistled, clearly impressed. "That's some endurance."
"Thank you," she managed, embarrassed.
"You do anything else as training?"
"Uhm. Meditation, target practice mostly--"
"Target practice? With what? Your mother told you to leave your knives home --"
"Knives? Wicked," Junta breathed as he stared at her in a way that was rather unnerving -- he was certainly not admiring her eyes.
"Well, not really knives; kunai." And she was still wearing two of them, because she felt naked otherwise. In Konoha it was another matter; she could go weaponless easily, knowing that in case of attack, most everyone else was going to be armed anyway. But out here... no way. "They have a better balance, and --" she saw the girls exchange a nonplussed look and cut her explanation short. "I was practicing with rocks, though."
Junta looked vaguely disappointed. Ken was smiling indulgently, as if he was listening to a child tell her grand tale of dragons and brave princes. She arched an eyebrow at him; she wasn't about to let herself be provoked, but that he'd refuse to believe her about something that trivial -- annoying.
She sighed when he picked up a rock and handed it to her, pointing at a tree on the other side of the garden.
"Ken, leave her alone," her cousin intervened, scowling at him.
"I don't mind. What do you want me to hit?" Sakura asked, sighing again.
"The trunk?" he asked, amused.
She wondered if he was joking -- it wasn't that far, really, she was pretty sure that even a civilian like him could do that easily -- and then she realized. A boy like him could, but probably not a girl. Because girls couldn't throw. Scowling, she pulled her arm back.
"The hole under the second branch." She threw, quickly -- and heard the muffled thump of stone hitting rotten wood. She fell into a crouch to pick another rock, threw it again, not bothering to straighten up -- this time it made a thwack of stone against stone.
"... huh. Guess you did train, at that," Ken admitted.
Sakura tried not to grin. He didn't manage to hide his surprise as well as he thought he did. And Junta and Kimi were whistling. She didn't want to look too superior, though. "Eh -- really, I wasn't that good naturally. Practicing a lot helps. And the boys on my team are still better... Which is why I have to train everyday."
"You're on vacation, girl!" Yumeko berated her.
Sakura shrugged, and gave her a sheepish smile. "If I don't exercise regularly, I'll need ages to get back into shape when I come back. I don't want my teammates to wait around for me." Not anymore than they already did, she thought, but didn't add. It was nice to be regarded as amazing in some way -- amongst her peers, she was considered smart, but that was it. She didn't have an instinctive strategy sense or overflowing chakra or an extensive collection of neat jutsu or perfect balance and coordination -- she only knew the basics, even though she mastered them perfectly, and the rest was all muscle memory, brought on by hours and hours of training -- and somehow she still didn't get as much out of two hours of training as Naruto and Sasuke seemed to get out of a half-hour of it.
"Hey, if they can't understand that you were on a vacation…" Kimi commented, hands on her hips and looking ready to berate them for her.
Sakura shrugged, smiling, and tried to find a change of subject. But her cousin started to laugh, and nudged her friend. "From what she says one of her teammates is rather hot. I can understand wanting to impress him, I guess."
"Hey, there's no 'rather' about it," she replied playfully.
"But you know, ninjas or not, boys are all the same. I'm sure if you let him 'save' you a couple times…" Yumeko commented, chuckling. Kimi nodded. The boys were rolling their eyes, apparently not liking the subject.
Sakura decided not to let them know that Sasuke had saved her dozens of times, and the only things it had brought her had been his annoyance and a total inability to hold him back, influence his decisions, and be considered anything but a nuisance. If there hadn't been Naruto to bring him back for her…
The boys were waving at a boy approach on the little path. "Hey, is that one of your friends?" she asked. Junta was going ahead to meet him halfway, so she could guess safely that he was, but she was desperate for a change of subject.
He was rather ordinary, really, but he had messy, spiky black hair, and a wide, boyish grin. It was a little like looking at Naruto and Sasuke's lovechild. The thought made her giggle, and he blinked at her, puzzled. His eyes were brown. On second thought, he didn't look that much like either of them -- his cheeks were too angular and his nose too round -- but finding these small shards of her team in another person made her all disposed to like him, especially since he was saving her for more interrogation.
"Hi," she greeted him with a friendly smile.
"Hey. You're Yumeko's cousin, right?" he asked. He sounded unsure; it was really rather cute. It made her feel bolder in comparison.
"Yes, that's me. Haruno Sakura. What's your name?"
"Oh -- right, sorry -- I'm Hiroshi. I live two blocks over," he added, pointing at a cluster of larger houses. "So where are you from?"
Kimi leaned toward them, whispering -- so loudly and obviously that she would have been less noticeable if she'd shouted. "What, you didn't know? She's a ninja, from Konohagakure!"
Sakura blushed, and shrugged helplessly when he looked at her in askance.
"For real?"
"Well… yes. I'm a Genin, I graduated from the Academy two years ago."
"Genin, is that good?" Kimi asked, looking at her earnestly.
Sakura stared at her, puzzled that anyone might not know what the ninja levels were, but then reminded herself that these people would probably never come into contact with the world of violence and shady politics ninjas usually moved in. They didn't have to know, really. "No, actually it's the lowest grade. The foot soldiers. Then there's Chuunin, and then Jounin." She was about to launch in a lecture about special Jounin and Hunter-nins and Mednins, but then decided that it would go way over their heads. Besides, she didn't want to be a curiosity; she just wanted to be a girl, who happened to be a ninja.
Writing a ninja living with normal people is a lot more fun than i thought it would be. o_o;;
They hadn't even been there for a day and already she missed Konoha. It was silly, she knew; she had been away on missions longer than that before. But it was different this time. This time, she didn't have her team with her. This time, she was not a ninja on a mission, she was a fifteen-year-old girl visiting family with her parents for the summer holidays.
She was wearing Ino's ribbon in her hair, and it felt weird, not heavy and solid enough compared to her forehead protector. But then, it also reminded her that for a month she didn't need her hair to be pulled back that tight and that it didn't matter if she had to redo the knot more often. Besides, it made her think of her best friend, and while she missed her, it was good to have a reminder.
She had visited her mother's side of the family before, of course, but that was before entering the Academy. She didn't remember them so well anymore, and her cousins had changed as much as she had. Yumeko, the eldest girl, which she still thought of as a bossy, adventurous redhead, had turned into a regular lady. As for the boys, they didn't even remember her -- or barely.
The house was at the edge of the small town, with a wide garden in the back opening on wide fields and a few clumps of bushes here and there. Apart from that, the ground was flat. No mountains, no tall trees, and especially no outside walls -- the waist-high one separating the garden and the little road that circled the town didn't count. Sakura couldn't sleep, and ended up slipping out of the room she shared with Yumeko to place traps at the exits.
She grinned sheepishly when she caught her father setting up a tripwire in front of the chimney, and he noticed her handful of ninja hardware. He let her help, though.
She was glad to see that even though her father had stopped working as ninja a few years after her birth, he found the openness of the area as unnerving as she did. It made her feel less silly. Because her aunt and cousin had clucked and frowned at the way she'd dodged the boys' flying tackle as if it was life or death, and then her mother had made her leave her weapon pouch in the bedroom, and then proceeded to lecture her on leaving work behind.
Her mother knew that ninja wasn't something you did but something you were, but sometimes, she didn't want to be reminded.
Discussion with Yumeko sometimes went well, like when they discussed boys -- though she refused to believe Sakura about how truly handsome Sasuke-kun was -- and sometimes went mildly okay when Sakura tried to explain why it was hard to find pretty clothes in Konoha -- because it was important that they were easy to move in and treated against fire and tearing just as much as pretty -- and sometimes went totally nonexistent, like when Yumeko poked through her make-up and found the needles seeped in sleeping drugs -- luckily not with her fingers.
The boys had decided that taking her by surprise was a challenge, and kept stalking her around the house and attempting to tackle her from behind. Her aunt insisted that they'd leave her alone if only they could feel smug about succeeding, because right now she was insulting their male pride, but Sakura just couldn't manage -- because they didn't quite suck, and her instincts bugged her if she stood still while there was danger, as slight as it was. It was fun, anyway, and actually reminded her of home and the numerous times Naruto's friends Konohamaru and company had stalked her.
She missed Sasuke-kun, though, even if he never did talk much, and she missed Naruto and Kakashi-sensei too. And the mornings at the bridge, the three of them waiting for their teacher, and the way Naruto and her would chatter and fight and the way sometimes they would actually talk about serious things and Sasuke would comment -- not often, really, rare and precious moments, but moments that had no chance of happening again while she was here. They'd been together for two years now; and while she had gone on longer than that without seeing them whenever there was no mission for their team, there had always been the knowledge that they were just a few streets away. It was like missing a limb or being deaf suddenly.
She didn't allow herself to mope too much, though; the countryside was pretty and she was glad to have some time with her family, as unfamiliar as it all was. And her aunt had asked Yumeko to bring her along the next time she met her friends. Though Sakura was far from the crying, scared little girl she had bee, it reminded her a little of moving into Konoha as a child. Maybe there would be an Ino there, too.
+
The town was a little too large to circle it for her morning run, so instead she decided to run the shortest path between the tree clumps she could see from the back garden of her aunt's house, checking them out at the same time. Most of the trees were too small to climb, which really sucked, but the ground wasn't as flat as it looked from the house, which made her run more interesting.
Yumeko was sitting on the wall when Sakura jogged back to the garden, with two boys that she identified as the neighbors' sons, that she'd met briefly the day of her arrival, and an older girl she assumed was that best friend she'd been hearing about.
"Urgh, you're all sweaty," Yumeko teased her as she joined them.
Sakura smiled and shrugged. "Yes, well, I've been doing my exercises. Hello."
The girl grinned back. "Hi, I'm Kimi. You're Sakura, right? And the guys are Junta and Ken."
Junta was a lean guy with thick, smooth black hair, and narrow black eyes, and Ken's hair was that weird shade that isn't blond, but isn't brown or chestnut either. His smile was faint and probably meant to look mysterious, but Sakura read it as sarcastic; he was also checking her out. She smiled politely at both of them as she stretched her legs discreetly, not wanting to get too sore.
"So what's it like being a ninja?" Kimi asked, almost bouncing on the spot. The boys blinked, and stared, in a way that implied that they had known, but had either disbelieved it or forgotten.
"Ehh," she hedged, wondering what they wanted to know. "I don't know. What's it like, being a civilian?"
The girl laughed, as if she'd said the funniest thing she'd heard in a month. Thing was, Sakura wasn't sure she'd been joking. She smiled anyway.
"Well -- I guess it's rather demanding physically; we have to train a lot to keep in shape."
"Which is why you were actually up at this ungodly hour of the morning," Ken commented, smirking.
"When did you get up anyway?" Yumeko asked before Sakura could figure out an answer that wouldn't sound like he was getting to her -- because he wasn't, but unless she read him all wrong, she knew his type; they liked to get a reaction out of people.
Her cousin looked at her weird when she actually told her.
"You're crazy. That's -- you've been jogging for three hours?!"
Sakura blinked. Actually, she had also shadow-boxed for a half-hour and it had been more of a madly dashing between the tree clumps than any sort of jogging, but... "Oh. Uhm. Yes."
"Whoa," Junta whistled, clearly impressed. "That's some endurance."
"Thank you," she managed, embarrassed.
"You do anything else as training?"
"Uhm. Meditation, target practice mostly--"
"Target practice? With what? Your mother told you to leave your knives home --"
"Knives? Wicked," Junta breathed as he stared at her in a way that was rather unnerving -- he was certainly not admiring her eyes.
"Well, not really knives; kunai." And she was still wearing two of them, because she felt naked otherwise. In Konoha it was another matter; she could go weaponless easily, knowing that in case of attack, most everyone else was going to be armed anyway. But out here... no way. "They have a better balance, and --" she saw the girls exchange a nonplussed look and cut her explanation short. "I was practicing with rocks, though."
Junta looked vaguely disappointed. Ken was smiling indulgently, as if he was listening to a child tell her grand tale of dragons and brave princes. She arched an eyebrow at him; she wasn't about to let herself be provoked, but that he'd refuse to believe her about something that trivial -- annoying.
She sighed when he picked up a rock and handed it to her, pointing at a tree on the other side of the garden.
"Ken, leave her alone," her cousin intervened, scowling at him.
"I don't mind. What do you want me to hit?" Sakura asked, sighing again.
"The trunk?" he asked, amused.
She wondered if he was joking -- it wasn't that far, really, she was pretty sure that even a civilian like him could do that easily -- and then she realized. A boy like him could, but probably not a girl. Because girls couldn't throw. Scowling, she pulled her arm back.
"The hole under the second branch." She threw, quickly -- and heard the muffled thump of stone hitting rotten wood. She fell into a crouch to pick another rock, threw it again, not bothering to straighten up -- this time it made a thwack of stone against stone.
"... huh. Guess you did train, at that," Ken admitted.
Sakura tried not to grin. He didn't manage to hide his surprise as well as he thought he did. And Junta and Kimi were whistling. She didn't want to look too superior, though. "Eh -- really, I wasn't that good naturally. Practicing a lot helps. And the boys on my team are still better... Which is why I have to train everyday."
"You're on vacation, girl!" Yumeko berated her.
Sakura shrugged, and gave her a sheepish smile. "If I don't exercise regularly, I'll need ages to get back into shape when I come back. I don't want my teammates to wait around for me." Not anymore than they already did, she thought, but didn't add. It was nice to be regarded as amazing in some way -- amongst her peers, she was considered smart, but that was it. She didn't have an instinctive strategy sense or overflowing chakra or an extensive collection of neat jutsu or perfect balance and coordination -- she only knew the basics, even though she mastered them perfectly, and the rest was all muscle memory, brought on by hours and hours of training -- and somehow she still didn't get as much out of two hours of training as Naruto and Sasuke seemed to get out of a half-hour of it.
"Hey, if they can't understand that you were on a vacation…" Kimi commented, hands on her hips and looking ready to berate them for her.
Sakura shrugged, smiling, and tried to find a change of subject. But her cousin started to laugh, and nudged her friend. "From what she says one of her teammates is rather hot. I can understand wanting to impress him, I guess."
"Hey, there's no 'rather' about it," she replied playfully.
"But you know, ninjas or not, boys are all the same. I'm sure if you let him 'save' you a couple times…" Yumeko commented, chuckling. Kimi nodded. The boys were rolling their eyes, apparently not liking the subject.
Sakura decided not to let them know that Sasuke had saved her dozens of times, and the only things it had brought her had been his annoyance and a total inability to hold him back, influence his decisions, and be considered anything but a nuisance. If there hadn't been Naruto to bring him back for her…
The boys were waving at a boy approach on the little path. "Hey, is that one of your friends?" she asked. Junta was going ahead to meet him halfway, so she could guess safely that he was, but she was desperate for a change of subject.
He was rather ordinary, really, but he had messy, spiky black hair, and a wide, boyish grin. It was a little like looking at Naruto and Sasuke's lovechild. The thought made her giggle, and he blinked at her, puzzled. His eyes were brown. On second thought, he didn't look that much like either of them -- his cheeks were too angular and his nose too round -- but finding these small shards of her team in another person made her all disposed to like him, especially since he was saving her for more interrogation.
"Hi," she greeted him with a friendly smile.
"Hey. You're Yumeko's cousin, right?" he asked. He sounded unsure; it was really rather cute. It made her feel bolder in comparison.
"Yes, that's me. Haruno Sakura. What's your name?"
"Oh -- right, sorry -- I'm Hiroshi. I live two blocks over," he added, pointing at a cluster of larger houses. "So where are you from?"
Kimi leaned toward them, whispering -- so loudly and obviously that she would have been less noticeable if she'd shouted. "What, you didn't know? She's a ninja, from Konohagakure!"
Sakura blushed, and shrugged helplessly when he looked at her in askance.
"For real?"
"Well… yes. I'm a Genin, I graduated from the Academy two years ago."
"Genin, is that good?" Kimi asked, looking at her earnestly.
Sakura stared at her, puzzled that anyone might not know what the ninja levels were, but then reminded herself that these people would probably never come into contact with the world of violence and shady politics ninjas usually moved in. They didn't have to know, really. "No, actually it's the lowest grade. The foot soldiers. Then there's Chuunin, and then Jounin." She was about to launch in a lecture about special Jounin and Hunter-nins and Mednins, but then decided that it would go way over their heads. Besides, she didn't want to be a curiosity; she just wanted to be a girl, who happened to be a ninja.
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XD HAHAHA ICON.
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"Come on, Sakura-chan! Let's spar!"
"Don't let her touch you...she'll send you flying across the room."
"Crap."
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It'd be good if she could have her boys a bit whipped... They're so bloody over-protective. They both deserve thwacks over the head.
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Some fans don't realize if they were put on the same team as naruto and Sasuke they wouldn't do as well as Sakura.
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Okay, she tends to be bossy and she's not nice with naruto at first, but she gets better -- and they all refuse to see that ;;__;;
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... I like asuka's sakura waaaaay better then the canon one.
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~Sam
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::cough::
this is good =)) Sakura backstory, yey!
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i don't know what you're talking about.whee! i'm happy you like. It's fun to make up a past for her, too, and try to make normal OCs.
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Of course, Sakura seems to be mostly okay with being an ordinary girl among prodigies, but it's nice to visit the little pond, isn't it? =D
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I would read it if she were having an affair with a shrub, if you wrote it.
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my, that could be sexy too. the rough bark under her fingers, the strength of the branches, the -- okay. stopping here. XD
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Pervert!
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(/me goes back to packing for con in Michigan this weekend, woot!)
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*blink blink*
Okay, there's an image that won't leave my mind in a hurry :P Or Sakura's.
I love the contrast between ninja mindset and the civilian one, and how Sakura is trying to find her footing there. I like the comment about letting Sasuke 'save' her which shows a whole program of 'heroic fantasies' in the civilian's head, but which translate into real-life episodes in Sakura's mind, full of pain, self-doubt, and Sasuke treating her like dead-weight. Real fights are undoubtedly a whole lost nastier and more muddled and frantic and, yeah, painful than those kids are probably imagining.
And yay for the OMC who isn't hyper cool, super smart, absolutely gorgeous, totally poised, a natural at fighting or secretely a hunter-nin called Marty Stue *fooey*
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oh, sakura's trying to hide the ugly stuff from them, because she'd look like a freak, but at some point someone's gonna remind them that ninjas kill people, and then i'm not sure what happens. the boys at least just seem to forget that they're not just "cool". XD
as for the OCs, i'm trying to make them as realistic as possible. i need you to tell me the second one of them looks a bit too speshul -- i trust you for that ^__^
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But she still has enough of that old civilian viewpoint to recognize the gulf between her world and the one most other people live in. And while she isn't comfortable with civilian life anymore, she can work around it, unlike Sasuke (who might notice but wouldn't care) or Naruto (whom I cannot picture ever fitting in with people who aren't ninja).
You show that really well.
I don't think the OCs really need comments, since they seem like perfectly plausible people to me. Writers stress out way too much about the Mary Sue label, you know. You are good enough at characterization that I don't think you need to worry. :-)
EEEKK!!!
Re: EEEKK!!!
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*goes back to being a studying for finals!kitsune*
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You have a damned good point there. The fact that sakura isn't dead yet says a lot on her behalf. No matter what else you wanna say about her, and even if one can't precisely explain WHY she isn't, she's still not dead yet. Can't much argue with that one. She's gotta be doing something right.
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It takes us out of Konoha and reminds us that even the 'weak' ninja (I don't think Sakura's really all that weak so much as underdeveloped) are still badass compared to normal people.
And when we're not focussing on Sasuke's and Naruto's crazy, tripped-out abilities to kick ass in new and exciting ways, it's easier to notice that goddamn does Sakura have good aim, good endurance, etc. And that good chakra control, too, of course.
She could kick everybody's ass (and maybe even Sasuke's once in a while) if she could just learn to harness the smarts and the abilities that she does have.
Going back to this fic, ten points for making Hiroshi look like 'Sasuke's and Naruto's lovechild'. I don't think she'd do him unless he reminded her of home. Ten more points, considering she went from having sex with someone who looked like a mix of them to living in a threesome relationship. You like the SecretlyIndecisive!Sakura....
And way to make me wonder if it was gonna be Junta or Ken for the whole fic until Hiroshi made his grand entrance. Oh the suspense.
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Et ça doit faire du bien à Sakura d'être admirée comme ça...pour une fois qu'on reconnaît qu'elle est pas complètement naze (*Sakura!fan flag up*) (la pauvre aussi elle se coltine les deux génies du coin :p)
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... teamwork is... well. Oh wait, i do have a bit of the chapter typed -- it's just that next is Sakura/Tsunade interaction, and i have to think about the differences between their canon relationship and the teamwork relationship. Sakura's never been the hokage's student in this universe.
More Please
(Anonymous) 2005-07-11 06:05 pm (UTC)(link)You write a very good Sakura, and I can't wait to see where you go with it. It would do well as a long, chapterless oneshot (yes, there are people who make oneshots with chapters *rolls eyes.*)
This is very one of a kind, it would be stupid to give up on it.