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Monthly Word Count - May
TOTAL: 21 249.
Wow, pretty nice. Though the last 4 500 words of this were a big rambly chunk of silliness that I technically wrote after midnight. I'm considering it still May so long as I haven't gone to bed yet.
POSTED
-Prospit Sandwiches with Alternian Fillings, part 1/2 (Homestuck, John/Jade/Karkat logfic, 4 653 words.)
and uh that's all. :X
WIP
-Teamwork, Sakura POV (524 words DDDDDDDDDX that's ALL??)
-Homestuck: Battlefield Terra chapter 5 (8 428 words)
-Homestuck: two awkward, failed starts at a John/Jade/Karkat angels/demon AU (322 words)
-Homestuck, Garden: chapter 2 scene uhh 4? Jade POV. (1 217 words)
-Homestuck: Prospit Sandwiches part 2 (896 words)
-Homestuck: Earthian Dating, Alternian-Style: Episode Three, The Matesprit/Kismesis Double-Double-Reacharound!! Another John/Jade/Karkat silly threesome thing, this one in the form of an interview of sorts. It's actually complete, but I'll post it tomorrow when i'm awake enough to beta it first, cause I'm really not. (4 506 words)
--
Teamwork: Sakura (needs editing too, it's too choppy. hrrm.)
--
For a second before she reached him her brain was screaming at her; 'what are you doing you don't even know what he's got up his sleeves what if he's short range too!' She went through with it anyway, committed.
He wasn't expecting it; he dodged at the last instant somehow anyway, the concentrated, determined mask of his face cracking briefly with nerves. Sakura tucked herself into a neat roll, landed on a hand, the chakra in it redirected to her heel -- a bit fast, it ached like yanking on your muscles cold.
She'd watched Lee use that one, and her arm strength was up from all that training, so that she could stop her momentum and push off from one hand, kick back like a horse when he'd expected another second's delay for her to get back into position.
He dodged, again, by a hair's breath, though her calf brushed him in passing and he stumbled. He jumped back, trying to out of range; she gave chase. She couldn't let him gain back the distance he so desperately wanted, and...
... and her body was doing it, listening to her, faster and stronger than it had been and none of it was the explosive power of concentrated chakra blasts, just pure muscle strength, muscle memory. She was still thinking too much, there was still too much delay between thought and action, but still -- her reaction time, hah, she felt like she was Sasuke. The thought caught her lips and pulled them up with bright amusement, whoops, distracted (Sasuke was nowhere near this slow.)
The boy was frowning at her as they raced around the arena, confused, wary, like she knew something she didn't. Bouncing over a boulder, she swallowed a laugh, almost tempted to wave her hand and say sorry, just a random thought, I'll pay attention now. That'd get her taken so seriously.
--
Battlefield Terra
--
The boys' bedroom wasn't really big; two bunk beds, a desk under the window opposite the door, cupboards full of civilian clothes and shoes, traveling cases under the lower bunks filled with odds and ends they hadn't touched in months. It was a room mostly for sleeping in, since their staggered schedules didn't allow for much lingering; their other, more prized possessions and random time-wasters tended to be strewn all over the common room.
John wasn't used to watching the room from the floor, but sitting on his bed just made him feel weird knowing Karkat interpreted it as him lounging on a pimp throne, hos optional but expected any minute now.
The alien shuffled past on his knees, brows furrowed in concentration as he carried Jake's old loafers to the far corner, ignoring the human as hard as he possibly could.
Rose had, like a queen of perfect evil, generously decided that the poor shaken alien shouldn't be taken advantage of in his first moment of panic, but instead given some time to settle down and think things through rationally. By that mostly what she meant was "let him stew in his fretty juices until he is cooked all the way through and ready to melt under my teeth".
She'd taken back the headsets, too. Something about installing on-off switches, serious design flaw blahblah. John couldn't talk with Karkat, and trying to help him with whatever he was doing in that narrow corner between the foot of the bed and the wall only got him hissing and bared teeth.
"I am so bored."
Karkat's head briefly popped up over the footboard, just long enough to give him a narrow-eyed, suspicious look, and then he disappeared again, muttering under his breath something John would have bet his firstborn was 'for the nth time, I can't understand you, dipshit'.
(If he'd been planning to have a firstborn, or any bio kids at all, he totally would have bet them, anyways. Maybe it was cheating to bet them since he wasn't? Hmm, maybe he could bet Warhammer's -- no, hahaha, heck no, no betting his mech's anything.)
"Wish I'd thought to take my handheld. Can't play games on glasses. This sucks."
Oh hey, his glasses. He tapped the frame and glanced his way through his contact list. Today everyone was online, though some were on Away or Do Not Disturb; everyone was apparently awake at the same time. How weird. How full of potential fun!
How not fun at all in practice. Somehow.
JH: oh my god i am so bored. soooo bored. i have maxed out all levels of boredom that exist on this plane of existence and ascended to a new realm full of even more boring crap auuuugh someone please save me.
He watched Karkat poke at the tissue box that everyone pretended was on the desk in case of sudden colds and was glad when the alien put it back where he'd found it, apparently unimpressed by how crumply it was. Karkat had been given leave to use everything that wasn't on a bed or locked away, but explaining why that one was public property and not to be absconded with would have been awkward.
JD: ummm sorry john!! we cant come and visit you :(
JH: who's we?
JD: jake and janey and me. were going on an adventure! were on the boat to temple island atm. eta four minutes! :D its going to be so much fun, i havent been there since i was like twelve or something
JH: wow guys, thanks for waiting until i can't come with :/ i'm feeling the clonesib love there.
JN: Sorry, John! Those two reprobates kidnapped me; by the time I blinked we were already at the beach. I was TRYING to do a write-up on all those fascinating little facts we learned today! Honestly, Mr. Harley, Miss Harley.
JD: wed say were sorry but wed be lying like lying liars who lie lyingly ;3
JD: whoops theres the harbor! tricky reefs ahead. see you later john, have fun with karkat!
... Damn it. A nice end of spring day, everyone awake together, everyone dirtside together, no enemies in view for at least another twenty hours -- it should have been a vacation. They should have gone to the mainland and into a real city, watched a movie on a real big screen, or maybe Dad could have taken him and Jane and gone back home for the weekend -- they hadn't found an occasion to do that in... wow, a year and eight months now. John wasn't sure why Dad hadn't given up and sold the house by now.
RX: lolol aw poor jonnyhboy
RX: all on his loensom w/ blushy alien brid,e & sexingup platnrom^ hubba hubba
JH: alas he is refusing to put out.
RX: *lonesome **platfrom
RX: hahaahh. ur goin to fast! u need 2 SEDUCE him!!
RX: *sexxy music strats playn SEXILY in the backgourdn*
RX: they totes have that right? u said they did. u recognized it as pr0n music too so it must be prty smililar
JH: uh yeah, I guess it kind of was...
RX: u gotta tell me aaalllll about how taht came up btw. AAALALLLLLL abotu it.
RX: liek did u get 2 actuely SEE a bit of alien pr0n ? :33
JH: ... oh hey will you look at what karkat is building. pretty amazing how he managed to pile it up so high! it's never going to stay up! gotta save him before it all falls on his head brb.
Karkat's construction hadn't even reached the footboard yet, of course. Hehe. Um. John stretched his upper body on the end corner of the mattress and looked over it, deciding that getting clawed across the face for satisfying his curiosity sounded vaguely preferable to keeping on thinking about Roxy's line of questioning and how likely she was to ask again later on.
--
Failed scenes of JohnJadeKat fail
--
She saw him sometimes, scurrying far below on the paved streets, a shock of black hair and two points of rust-gold over rough-hewn, all-covering clothes. Whenever she took flight at daybreak she would catch glimpses of that curious glitter in the shadows of the streets; when she came back at night from soothing the volcano there it would catch her eye again, that pair of lava-bright, incongruous things on an otherwise unremarkable flightless one.
He hadn't shown yet tonight, but she was sure he wouldn't be long. She leaned against her windowsill, wings furled tight, peering down.
The only warning she got was the sudden swirl of her own hair, taking flight like a pennant. She cried out and spread her wings to press them to the sides of the window and keep herself from falling headfirst down the tower. Her twin fell from the sky in a rush of wind, smoke-free and cold as a mountain spring, landed beside her laughing. Under them the long coils of chimney smoke whirled, guttered.
"You are such a butthead!" she protested, pulling herself back inside her tower. Her brother laughed, crouched on the windowsill; she pouted at him, for a second briefly tempted to shove him off. He would only plunge down to raze the tiled roofs and soar back up at the very last second, though, scaring the poor flightless ones underneath.
+ second attempt, just as bad as the first! +
"John," she said without looking up, "if you land on my head again I will pluck your wings bald and throw you down my tower."
The angel of Wind and Shade gave a falsely chagrined, utterly unrepentant laugh, and touched down lightly on her windowsill. Her long mane of hair swirled in the draft, backward to tangle with her feathers and then yanked back forward and all over her face. She pushed it all back into a haphazard mess behind her ears and glowered.
"Whoops, sorry, sis. Anyway, whatcha looking at?"
--
Back to the Garden
--
"Joooooooohn, I'll get you for that!"
It's a good thing you'd already ducked chin-deep to avoid Vriska's flying body; you don't have to duck again to avoid her attempt to splash John back as revenge for catapulting her off his shoulders.
On your island there were lots of little rivers, you remember that. There was a volcano, too, which meant they were never less than tepid at worst. After that on your planet there was snow, because you'd always wanted to see that some day, but it's not like you ever tried to wash in it.
The river is pretty cold! You've got goosebumps pretty much all over. But at the same time, it might be a half-hour after nightfall but it's still light as the middle of an Earth afternoon, and warm too. If yesterday was a normal Alternian night then it'll be that way for another five or six hours at least, a cloud cover and moonlight thing as Nepeta sort of explained to you, and only then will it start to get colder and really dark. You've got more than enough time to dry.
It's kind of fun anyway, on top of being a huge, huge relief. You didn't want to say yesterday night when everyone was exhausted and you were sort of used to it, but sixteen unwashed, sweaty people in one tiny room, ugh. Earlier when you'd gone back to the shelter to tell people about Gamzee's river you couldn't even take two steps inside before gagging and beating an embarrassingly hasty retreat.
(Seriously, ugh.)
"Can't catch me!" John sings as he swims into the deeper, faster currents. Vriska chases him, stepping on Eridan and using him as a springboard. He resurfaces snarling, until Rose tssks at him. She's sitting on a rock with her legs tucked to the side and she looks like a mermaid, maybe because she's only wearing her underthings, only it's not her superlong mane she's twisting dry, it's her orange Seer robes. You giggle in your hand as Eridan's face fins deflate, he reminds you of Bec with his ears down all contrite.
Gamzee is still on his rock upriver, watching people. You don't get how he's not freezing, it's been way over a half-hour by now and he isn't even moving around. Kanaya floats in a slower, shadowed cove downstream, Tavros stayed in the shallows, Karkat dashed in to wash and came right back out and is now shivering on a rock; Aradia is standing hip-deep in the currents, fully dressed, and laughs as Feferi circles her underwater. Equius is holding Nepeta under one arm and washing her as she hisses and tries to climb him like a tree, which is pretty funny.
Terezi is drowning Dave. He has his face shoved in her boobs, so he's not even bothering to fight her. Boys, honestly.
Hm. No Sollux.
That reminds you, you need to check on your computer setup! And it's a great excuse to get out of the water. Brr. You scramble over the rocks, shivering in your underwear and your hair dripping all over the place which doesn't help. It's a little embarrassing, but your Witch outfit doesn't have an undershirt to swim in and almost everyone else is half-naked anyway. (Which doesn't mean no one cares, but it does mean everyone is equally embarrassed. Unless they're kind of a pervert, like, well, Gamzee, who's just smiling from his perch as he watches everyone and you're not even sure if he's even seeing all the bared skin or something else entirely. Karkat is pretty much ruddy-faced from forehead to throat and has been steadily refusing to look straight at people.)
Your top and stockings are drying on a branch but when you feel them they're still way too damp to put back on. You didn't wash your skirt, just beat the dust off it. It's a bit silly but when you put it over your head it settles on your shoulders like a poncho. Way better!
You wish you could still just wish your God Tier clothes back on, clean and repaired, but it doesn't work anymore. Maybe when you're rested.
You decaptchalogue a gun and climb up the little slope. "Sollux?" you call, but there's no answer.
Not even when you almost trip on him. He mutters "What not now go away" without even looking up at you, and you huff and resist the urge to nudge him in the ribs with your toes. He's face down on his belly in the grass; there's a half-dozen husktops spread out around him and he's typing away like crazy, you bet mister Badass Psychic wouldn't even notice a hungry beast until it had chewed off the hand he needs for coding with. Pfft.
You crouch beside him, hugging your knees to your chest under your skirtponcho. He doesn't even notice and tease you, not even when cold water drips from your bangs onto his ear. He just twitches a bit and keeps fighting his computer, eyebrows all scrunched up.
Poke. Poke, poke.
"Five minutes, 'radia!" he grumps without looking.
"Bzzt, wrong!" You crane your neck to see his screens. You've been coding in Alternian for way over two years now, pretty much sat on him until he taught you, but he's smack in the middle of a page so you're not too sure what you're looking at.
"Oh, you. Go away, I'm buthy -- no, no, wait!" Sollux pushes himself up on hands and knees and kneels before you, hands making grabby motions. You blink. "Husktop, gimme, hurry up, gotta theory to check now now now!"
You decaptchalogue your trusty lunchmuffs. He tries to yank it from your hand. You thwap it away and put the lunchmuffs on, settling them solidly on your head. The holographic interface buzzes on. "Alright! Tell me what we're checking."
Sollux grumbles, but tells you, "Check your wifi thetup."
You do.
You do again.
"AAAH!"
"Nooo, fuck!" he echoes, with less surprise and more desperation. You click through all the settings you can. No connection. Oh god, no connection.
"Nooo, I was looking forward to a real internet so much, what's wrong with the wifi, what's wrong with our computers, do you think satellites aren't done the same way around here and I don't know, maybe the network identification keys--"
"I checked that! I checked everything, and then I checked again, and it's not the connection bit that's the itthue, cable works fine, and wifi from one husktop to another when they're close enough, but there's not one buzz of internet access."
This is even worse than you thought. You log into Pesterchum and try to ping Dave's iShades, and get a "please check your connection" message. Of course, the pesterchum servers must be out of reach. You try a direct connection; nothing. He's not even twenty meters away, you know it, just behind those rocks and trees, but that's apparently too far already.
"I can't ping Dave," you share. It is terrible. Maybe just as terrible as knowing that you're not going to get to find sites that actually get updated in real time. You wouldn't even have minded that they would all be about trolls and written in Alternian. If you could have found one fic archive...
Sollux slumps. You sit heavily beside him. You both spend a few minutes being quietly crushed.
After that you start noticing that he kind of smells like stale sweat. Err.
"... Well, I guess we can't figure out much more from here, so..."
"Nrgh."
The ass doesn't even bother looking up at you. You prod him in the side, lips pursed. "So maybe you should go get that bath, Sollux!"
"Oh gog, leave me alone, do you think I care about that bullcrap. My computers are all fucking useletth. What the fuck am I going to do with my life. Nothing, that'th what. Thomeone cull me already."
You're tempted to oblige. You do have a rifle out. Oh, you wouldn't shoot him, but the butt would make a nice loud thwack against his skull, and then you'd be out of each other's misery for a little bit.
"... Fuck, jutht fuck, fuck that noise and fuck my life and fuck this stupid game."
... Okay, you make yourself breathe and not growl. You know it's not his fault when he gets depressed. Maybe he'd benefit from a talk with his girlfriend! Either one.
You know exactly where they are, and a second later, so does Sollux, when he pops out of existence at your side with a little bang of rushing air and reappears with a yell and a splash behind the trees.
Also your head aches a bit where your ears are caught under the lunchmuffs' band. Wow, you didn't expect that! You yank the lunchmuffs off your head, and suddenly you can hear again. The wind in the leaves and grass, the singing birds, your friends splashing around in the water and the river rustling by, and Sollux swearing up a storm, with a crackle that you eventually identify as psionics charging.
You laugh and jump on your feet and burst back down the little path to the water. Your ears are up on top of your head; you can feel the wind in your fur and you are so, so happy. You come to a stop on top of a rock just before the water, and you bounce on your toes, skirtponcho flying around you. "Guys! Guys! Witch of Space!"
"We noticed," Feferi says around a laugh, from where she's holding Sollux up by the armpits, as he glares at you with his hair glued to his face.
Aradia is twisting the water out of her drenched hood. But she's laughing, too, so you don't think she's all that annoyed. Note to self, next time fix elevation better. But still! You do a little dance of glee on your rock, steadfastly ignoring the small headache developing between your eyes. "Witch of Space, Witch of Spaaaace."
"Yeah, sis, you still got it!" John yells from the other end of the river, and punches the air in triumph. You imitate him. Your skirt flares like a hero cape.
"... My most sincere congratulations," says Karkat who's sitting right beside you, staring ahead and kind of strangley, "now will you please stop parading your crotch-cover under my smellnub. Not that I don't absolutely love knowing it matches your socks, go God Tier uniforms, Kanaya-approved, nicely paced stripes there for fuck's sake Harley."
--
Prospit Sandwiches (JohnJadeKarkat)
--
CCG: BUT MORE SERIOUSLY
CCG: EGBERT
CCG: JOHN
CCG: ARE YOU GOING TO
CCG: I MEAN, I HAVEN'T CEASED TO BE A BOY. IT'S STILL A THING THAT'S TRUE.
CEB: ...oh, that. urh. yeah. X/
CEB: well i'm not gonna say there is absolutely no risk of a little freakout and some flailing and sudden *jazz hands!!*. but that's what jade is here for!
CCG: ... SHE IS?
CEB: yup. => <>
CEB: thwapping me over the head until i stop being stupid?
CGG: awwww <> <> <>
CGG: um, is it weird to you if we use diamonds? i mean for humans we usually use hearts for everything but john and i, we kind of like the diamond thing too. I mean, even if were probably not entirely getting it anyway because our last explanation was three years ago!
CGG: its just that we, uh, its hard to explain
CGG: it kinda fits.
CEB: it's not the same kind of like, you know?
CEB: uh durr, ask the troll if he knows about different kinds of like. durrr, self.
CCG: ... OH, WHO CARES. IT'S JUST A TEXT SYMBOL. GO FORTH AND COOPT MY CULTURE!
CCG: TEREZI AND ROSE FLING EACH OTHER SPADES ALL OVER THE PLACE.
CEB: what, really?!
CCG: OKAY, MAYBE NOT ALL OVER THE PLACE BUT IT'S BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN.
CEB: no, i mean. rose and terezi have a thing??
CCG: SURPRISED ME TOO. THEY'RE INTO THE VERBAL DEBATE ASPECT OF THE KISMESIS CONFLICT MORE THAN THE PHYSICAL BUT
CCG: NO, ACTUALLY THEY'RE MOSTLY INTO THE *MIND* SUBGENRE OF *FUCK*, BUT IF GETTING DOWN AND DIRTY WITH CLAWS AND NEEDLES IS NECESSARY FOR THAT THEN IT DOES ALSO HAPPEN.
CCG: FREQUENTLY.
CCG: IN PUBLIC AREAS.
CCG: BY THE WAY DO NOT EVER QUESTION THE NATURE OR ORIGIN OF ANY TEAL-AND-RED STAIN SPLATTERED IN AESTHETIC EYESEARING PATTERNS ON ANY KIND OF SURFACE. EVER. I WILL BET YOU EVERYTHING I OWN THAT *YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW*.
CEB: ... gnuh.
CCG: IS THIS ANOTHER SILLY GENDER ISSUE, JOHN HUMAN?
CEB: no, no! it's a 'rose has kinky hatesex' issue.
CGG: besides roses also in <3s with kanaya isnt she so it cant be the two girls thing
CEB: what? she is??!
CEB: why does no one tell me those things!!!
CCG: DOT DOT DOT.
CCG: YOU NEEDED TO BE *TOLD*?
CGG: uh, i didnt think it needed telling!
CEB: ... bluh bluh.
CGG: pfff. seriously you couldnt tell??? theyre all, you know. flirty!
CCG: HEH. YOU'RE HOPELESS.
CGG: romantic sense of a brick.
CCG: NO KIDDING.
CEB: stop ganging up on me!
--
The Matesprit/Kismesis double-double reacharound! (JohnJadeKat. wow, okay, I have another ot3.)
--
Earthian Dating, Alternian-Style: Episode Three, The Matesprit/Kismesis Double-Double-Reacharound
By Brett Howell
Who amongst the general public hasn't at the very least heard of John Egbert, rising humorist and riveting showman (and, slightly less known, accomplished, classically-trained concert pianist?) If you're not into astronomy or nuclear physics you might be excused for not knowing of his cousin, vivacious and horrendously brilliant Jade Harley. (If you are, you have no excuse; in those circles she is revolutionizing there is no escaping her sharp insight.)
The two cousins share, along with quirky good looks and overachieving habits, a joie de vivre, an intensity that is hard to contain in mere words. Child prodigies each in their own domains, armed with determination enough to level small mountains and matching irresistible smiles, their family resemblance is impossible to miss. The exotic deep tan and ink-black hair of their part-Polynesian heritage sets off intensely blue (John) and green (Jade, the well-named) eyes.
They also happen to run in the same tight circles as the famous twins, DJ Dave "Stridenasty" Strider and renowned novel author Rose Lalonde, of Complacency of the Learned and more recently Lambency of the Benighted fame.
In short, they're gorgeous, smart, well-connected, independently wealthy, and well on their way to becoming nothing short of illustrious.
They also happen to be dating the same man.
Who, but who is this Karkat Vantas who has captured them so, you will at this point wonder? And up until today the answer would have been, no one really knows.
Adverse to the blinding glare of camera flashes, Mr. Vantas' presence in the lives of Jade Harley and John Egbert is mostly felt in the shape of things left unsaid and a few, almost accidental offhand mentions, but their peculiar romance has apparently been going on for at least a year, perhaps more! A year and a half ago, Jade Harley mentioned she was "dating a troll boy, and I don't want to say more but we're very happy." In a follow-up interview, when asked if she was dating him red or black and whether she minded the sacrifices inherent in sharing her lover with his other quadrants, Harley replied with nothing but a bright laugh and a playful and, dare we say, suggestive waggle of her ebon eyebrows.
As for the inclusion of John Egbert into this peculiar balance, nothing is sure until Christmas of last year, where Egbert used his "plus one" to the yearly Wentworth charity gala on his "ironic bro-date", a reserved young Alternian gentleman of indeterminate hemocaste hue and understated brooding good looks. Our faithful readers might remember the hilarious skit "No Homo," which Egbert said later was inspired by an incident that evening where the hostess happened upon Vantas "fishing for his cell phone" down the back of Egbert's exquisitely tailored slacks.
Egbert has admitted recently that this incident was, in fact, exactly what it looked like at the time.
Wow, pretty nice. Though the last 4 500 words of this were a big rambly chunk of silliness that I technically wrote after midnight. I'm considering it still May so long as I haven't gone to bed yet.
POSTED
-Prospit Sandwiches with Alternian Fillings, part 1/2 (Homestuck, John/Jade/Karkat logfic, 4 653 words.)
and uh that's all. :X
WIP
-Teamwork, Sakura POV (524 words DDDDDDDDDX that's ALL??)
-Homestuck: Battlefield Terra chapter 5 (8 428 words)
-Homestuck: two awkward, failed starts at a John/Jade/Karkat angels/demon AU (322 words)
-Homestuck, Garden: chapter 2 scene uhh 4? Jade POV. (1 217 words)
-Homestuck: Prospit Sandwiches part 2 (896 words)
-Homestuck: Earthian Dating, Alternian-Style: Episode Three, The Matesprit/Kismesis Double-Double-Reacharound!! Another John/Jade/Karkat silly threesome thing, this one in the form of an interview of sorts. It's actually complete, but I'll post it tomorrow when i'm awake enough to beta it first, cause I'm really not. (4 506 words)
--
Teamwork: Sakura (needs editing too, it's too choppy. hrrm.)
--
For a second before she reached him her brain was screaming at her; 'what are you doing you don't even know what he's got up his sleeves what if he's short range too!' She went through with it anyway, committed.
He wasn't expecting it; he dodged at the last instant somehow anyway, the concentrated, determined mask of his face cracking briefly with nerves. Sakura tucked herself into a neat roll, landed on a hand, the chakra in it redirected to her heel -- a bit fast, it ached like yanking on your muscles cold.
She'd watched Lee use that one, and her arm strength was up from all that training, so that she could stop her momentum and push off from one hand, kick back like a horse when he'd expected another second's delay for her to get back into position.
He dodged, again, by a hair's breath, though her calf brushed him in passing and he stumbled. He jumped back, trying to out of range; she gave chase. She couldn't let him gain back the distance he so desperately wanted, and...
... and her body was doing it, listening to her, faster and stronger than it had been and none of it was the explosive power of concentrated chakra blasts, just pure muscle strength, muscle memory. She was still thinking too much, there was still too much delay between thought and action, but still -- her reaction time, hah, she felt like she was Sasuke. The thought caught her lips and pulled them up with bright amusement, whoops, distracted (Sasuke was nowhere near this slow.)
The boy was frowning at her as they raced around the arena, confused, wary, like she knew something she didn't. Bouncing over a boulder, she swallowed a laugh, almost tempted to wave her hand and say sorry, just a random thought, I'll pay attention now. That'd get her taken so seriously.
--
Battlefield Terra
--
The boys' bedroom wasn't really big; two bunk beds, a desk under the window opposite the door, cupboards full of civilian clothes and shoes, traveling cases under the lower bunks filled with odds and ends they hadn't touched in months. It was a room mostly for sleeping in, since their staggered schedules didn't allow for much lingering; their other, more prized possessions and random time-wasters tended to be strewn all over the common room.
John wasn't used to watching the room from the floor, but sitting on his bed just made him feel weird knowing Karkat interpreted it as him lounging on a pimp throne, hos optional but expected any minute now.
The alien shuffled past on his knees, brows furrowed in concentration as he carried Jake's old loafers to the far corner, ignoring the human as hard as he possibly could.
Rose had, like a queen of perfect evil, generously decided that the poor shaken alien shouldn't be taken advantage of in his first moment of panic, but instead given some time to settle down and think things through rationally. By that mostly what she meant was "let him stew in his fretty juices until he is cooked all the way through and ready to melt under my teeth".
She'd taken back the headsets, too. Something about installing on-off switches, serious design flaw blahblah. John couldn't talk with Karkat, and trying to help him with whatever he was doing in that narrow corner between the foot of the bed and the wall only got him hissing and bared teeth.
"I am so bored."
Karkat's head briefly popped up over the footboard, just long enough to give him a narrow-eyed, suspicious look, and then he disappeared again, muttering under his breath something John would have bet his firstborn was 'for the nth time, I can't understand you, dipshit'.
(If he'd been planning to have a firstborn, or any bio kids at all, he totally would have bet them, anyways. Maybe it was cheating to bet them since he wasn't? Hmm, maybe he could bet Warhammer's -- no, hahaha, heck no, no betting his mech's anything.)
"Wish I'd thought to take my handheld. Can't play games on glasses. This sucks."
Oh hey, his glasses. He tapped the frame and glanced his way through his contact list. Today everyone was online, though some were on Away or Do Not Disturb; everyone was apparently awake at the same time. How weird. How full of potential fun!
How not fun at all in practice. Somehow.
JH: oh my god i am so bored. soooo bored. i have maxed out all levels of boredom that exist on this plane of existence and ascended to a new realm full of even more boring crap auuuugh someone please save me.
He watched Karkat poke at the tissue box that everyone pretended was on the desk in case of sudden colds and was glad when the alien put it back where he'd found it, apparently unimpressed by how crumply it was. Karkat had been given leave to use everything that wasn't on a bed or locked away, but explaining why that one was public property and not to be absconded with would have been awkward.
JD: ummm sorry john!! we cant come and visit you :(
JH: who's we?
JD: jake and janey and me. were going on an adventure! were on the boat to temple island atm. eta four minutes! :D its going to be so much fun, i havent been there since i was like twelve or something
JH: wow guys, thanks for waiting until i can't come with :/ i'm feeling the clonesib love there.
JN: Sorry, John! Those two reprobates kidnapped me; by the time I blinked we were already at the beach. I was TRYING to do a write-up on all those fascinating little facts we learned today! Honestly, Mr. Harley, Miss Harley.
JD: wed say were sorry but wed be lying like lying liars who lie lyingly ;3
JD: whoops theres the harbor! tricky reefs ahead. see you later john, have fun with karkat!
... Damn it. A nice end of spring day, everyone awake together, everyone dirtside together, no enemies in view for at least another twenty hours -- it should have been a vacation. They should have gone to the mainland and into a real city, watched a movie on a real big screen, or maybe Dad could have taken him and Jane and gone back home for the weekend -- they hadn't found an occasion to do that in... wow, a year and eight months now. John wasn't sure why Dad hadn't given up and sold the house by now.
RX: lolol aw poor jonnyhboy
RX: all on his loensom w/ blushy alien brid,e & sexingup platnrom^ hubba hubba
JH: alas he is refusing to put out.
RX: *lonesome **platfrom
RX: hahaahh. ur goin to fast! u need 2 SEDUCE him!!
RX: *sexxy music strats playn SEXILY in the backgourdn*
RX: they totes have that right? u said they did. u recognized it as pr0n music too so it must be prty smililar
JH: uh yeah, I guess it kind of was...
RX: u gotta tell me aaalllll about how taht came up btw. AAALALLLLLL abotu it.
RX: liek did u get 2 actuely SEE a bit of alien pr0n ? :33
JH: ... oh hey will you look at what karkat is building. pretty amazing how he managed to pile it up so high! it's never going to stay up! gotta save him before it all falls on his head brb.
Karkat's construction hadn't even reached the footboard yet, of course. Hehe. Um. John stretched his upper body on the end corner of the mattress and looked over it, deciding that getting clawed across the face for satisfying his curiosity sounded vaguely preferable to keeping on thinking about Roxy's line of questioning and how likely she was to ask again later on.
--
Failed scenes of JohnJadeKat fail
--
She saw him sometimes, scurrying far below on the paved streets, a shock of black hair and two points of rust-gold over rough-hewn, all-covering clothes. Whenever she took flight at daybreak she would catch glimpses of that curious glitter in the shadows of the streets; when she came back at night from soothing the volcano there it would catch her eye again, that pair of lava-bright, incongruous things on an otherwise unremarkable flightless one.
He hadn't shown yet tonight, but she was sure he wouldn't be long. She leaned against her windowsill, wings furled tight, peering down.
The only warning she got was the sudden swirl of her own hair, taking flight like a pennant. She cried out and spread her wings to press them to the sides of the window and keep herself from falling headfirst down the tower. Her twin fell from the sky in a rush of wind, smoke-free and cold as a mountain spring, landed beside her laughing. Under them the long coils of chimney smoke whirled, guttered.
"You are such a butthead!" she protested, pulling herself back inside her tower. Her brother laughed, crouched on the windowsill; she pouted at him, for a second briefly tempted to shove him off. He would only plunge down to raze the tiled roofs and soar back up at the very last second, though, scaring the poor flightless ones underneath.
+ second attempt, just as bad as the first! +
"John," she said without looking up, "if you land on my head again I will pluck your wings bald and throw you down my tower."
The angel of Wind and Shade gave a falsely chagrined, utterly unrepentant laugh, and touched down lightly on her windowsill. Her long mane of hair swirled in the draft, backward to tangle with her feathers and then yanked back forward and all over her face. She pushed it all back into a haphazard mess behind her ears and glowered.
"Whoops, sorry, sis. Anyway, whatcha looking at?"
--
Back to the Garden
--
"Joooooooohn, I'll get you for that!"
It's a good thing you'd already ducked chin-deep to avoid Vriska's flying body; you don't have to duck again to avoid her attempt to splash John back as revenge for catapulting her off his shoulders.
On your island there were lots of little rivers, you remember that. There was a volcano, too, which meant they were never less than tepid at worst. After that on your planet there was snow, because you'd always wanted to see that some day, but it's not like you ever tried to wash in it.
The river is pretty cold! You've got goosebumps pretty much all over. But at the same time, it might be a half-hour after nightfall but it's still light as the middle of an Earth afternoon, and warm too. If yesterday was a normal Alternian night then it'll be that way for another five or six hours at least, a cloud cover and moonlight thing as Nepeta sort of explained to you, and only then will it start to get colder and really dark. You've got more than enough time to dry.
It's kind of fun anyway, on top of being a huge, huge relief. You didn't want to say yesterday night when everyone was exhausted and you were sort of used to it, but sixteen unwashed, sweaty people in one tiny room, ugh. Earlier when you'd gone back to the shelter to tell people about Gamzee's river you couldn't even take two steps inside before gagging and beating an embarrassingly hasty retreat.
(Seriously, ugh.)
"Can't catch me!" John sings as he swims into the deeper, faster currents. Vriska chases him, stepping on Eridan and using him as a springboard. He resurfaces snarling, until Rose tssks at him. She's sitting on a rock with her legs tucked to the side and she looks like a mermaid, maybe because she's only wearing her underthings, only it's not her superlong mane she's twisting dry, it's her orange Seer robes. You giggle in your hand as Eridan's face fins deflate, he reminds you of Bec with his ears down all contrite.
Gamzee is still on his rock upriver, watching people. You don't get how he's not freezing, it's been way over a half-hour by now and he isn't even moving around. Kanaya floats in a slower, shadowed cove downstream, Tavros stayed in the shallows, Karkat dashed in to wash and came right back out and is now shivering on a rock; Aradia is standing hip-deep in the currents, fully dressed, and laughs as Feferi circles her underwater. Equius is holding Nepeta under one arm and washing her as she hisses and tries to climb him like a tree, which is pretty funny.
Terezi is drowning Dave. He has his face shoved in her boobs, so he's not even bothering to fight her. Boys, honestly.
Hm. No Sollux.
That reminds you, you need to check on your computer setup! And it's a great excuse to get out of the water. Brr. You scramble over the rocks, shivering in your underwear and your hair dripping all over the place which doesn't help. It's a little embarrassing, but your Witch outfit doesn't have an undershirt to swim in and almost everyone else is half-naked anyway. (Which doesn't mean no one cares, but it does mean everyone is equally embarrassed. Unless they're kind of a pervert, like, well, Gamzee, who's just smiling from his perch as he watches everyone and you're not even sure if he's even seeing all the bared skin or something else entirely. Karkat is pretty much ruddy-faced from forehead to throat and has been steadily refusing to look straight at people.)
Your top and stockings are drying on a branch but when you feel them they're still way too damp to put back on. You didn't wash your skirt, just beat the dust off it. It's a bit silly but when you put it over your head it settles on your shoulders like a poncho. Way better!
You wish you could still just wish your God Tier clothes back on, clean and repaired, but it doesn't work anymore. Maybe when you're rested.
You decaptchalogue a gun and climb up the little slope. "Sollux?" you call, but there's no answer.
Not even when you almost trip on him. He mutters "What not now go away" without even looking up at you, and you huff and resist the urge to nudge him in the ribs with your toes. He's face down on his belly in the grass; there's a half-dozen husktops spread out around him and he's typing away like crazy, you bet mister Badass Psychic wouldn't even notice a hungry beast until it had chewed off the hand he needs for coding with. Pfft.
You crouch beside him, hugging your knees to your chest under your skirtponcho. He doesn't even notice and tease you, not even when cold water drips from your bangs onto his ear. He just twitches a bit and keeps fighting his computer, eyebrows all scrunched up.
Poke. Poke, poke.
"Five minutes, 'radia!" he grumps without looking.
"Bzzt, wrong!" You crane your neck to see his screens. You've been coding in Alternian for way over two years now, pretty much sat on him until he taught you, but he's smack in the middle of a page so you're not too sure what you're looking at.
"Oh, you. Go away, I'm buthy -- no, no, wait!" Sollux pushes himself up on hands and knees and kneels before you, hands making grabby motions. You blink. "Husktop, gimme, hurry up, gotta theory to check now now now!"
You decaptchalogue your trusty lunchmuffs. He tries to yank it from your hand. You thwap it away and put the lunchmuffs on, settling them solidly on your head. The holographic interface buzzes on. "Alright! Tell me what we're checking."
Sollux grumbles, but tells you, "Check your wifi thetup."
You do.
You do again.
"AAAH!"
"Nooo, fuck!" he echoes, with less surprise and more desperation. You click through all the settings you can. No connection. Oh god, no connection.
"Nooo, I was looking forward to a real internet so much, what's wrong with the wifi, what's wrong with our computers, do you think satellites aren't done the same way around here and I don't know, maybe the network identification keys--"
"I checked that! I checked everything, and then I checked again, and it's not the connection bit that's the itthue, cable works fine, and wifi from one husktop to another when they're close enough, but there's not one buzz of internet access."
This is even worse than you thought. You log into Pesterchum and try to ping Dave's iShades, and get a "please check your connection" message. Of course, the pesterchum servers must be out of reach. You try a direct connection; nothing. He's not even twenty meters away, you know it, just behind those rocks and trees, but that's apparently too far already.
"I can't ping Dave," you share. It is terrible. Maybe just as terrible as knowing that you're not going to get to find sites that actually get updated in real time. You wouldn't even have minded that they would all be about trolls and written in Alternian. If you could have found one fic archive...
Sollux slumps. You sit heavily beside him. You both spend a few minutes being quietly crushed.
After that you start noticing that he kind of smells like stale sweat. Err.
"... Well, I guess we can't figure out much more from here, so..."
"Nrgh."
The ass doesn't even bother looking up at you. You prod him in the side, lips pursed. "So maybe you should go get that bath, Sollux!"
"Oh gog, leave me alone, do you think I care about that bullcrap. My computers are all fucking useletth. What the fuck am I going to do with my life. Nothing, that'th what. Thomeone cull me already."
You're tempted to oblige. You do have a rifle out. Oh, you wouldn't shoot him, but the butt would make a nice loud thwack against his skull, and then you'd be out of each other's misery for a little bit.
"... Fuck, jutht fuck, fuck that noise and fuck my life and fuck this stupid game."
... Okay, you make yourself breathe and not growl. You know it's not his fault when he gets depressed. Maybe he'd benefit from a talk with his girlfriend! Either one.
You know exactly where they are, and a second later, so does Sollux, when he pops out of existence at your side with a little bang of rushing air and reappears with a yell and a splash behind the trees.
Also your head aches a bit where your ears are caught under the lunchmuffs' band. Wow, you didn't expect that! You yank the lunchmuffs off your head, and suddenly you can hear again. The wind in the leaves and grass, the singing birds, your friends splashing around in the water and the river rustling by, and Sollux swearing up a storm, with a crackle that you eventually identify as psionics charging.
You laugh and jump on your feet and burst back down the little path to the water. Your ears are up on top of your head; you can feel the wind in your fur and you are so, so happy. You come to a stop on top of a rock just before the water, and you bounce on your toes, skirtponcho flying around you. "Guys! Guys! Witch of Space!"
"We noticed," Feferi says around a laugh, from where she's holding Sollux up by the armpits, as he glares at you with his hair glued to his face.
Aradia is twisting the water out of her drenched hood. But she's laughing, too, so you don't think she's all that annoyed. Note to self, next time fix elevation better. But still! You do a little dance of glee on your rock, steadfastly ignoring the small headache developing between your eyes. "Witch of Space, Witch of Spaaaace."
"Yeah, sis, you still got it!" John yells from the other end of the river, and punches the air in triumph. You imitate him. Your skirt flares like a hero cape.
"... My most sincere congratulations," says Karkat who's sitting right beside you, staring ahead and kind of strangley, "now will you please stop parading your crotch-cover under my smellnub. Not that I don't absolutely love knowing it matches your socks, go God Tier uniforms, Kanaya-approved, nicely paced stripes there for fuck's sake Harley."
--
Prospit Sandwiches (JohnJadeKarkat)
--
CCG: BUT MORE SERIOUSLY
CCG: EGBERT
CCG: JOHN
CCG: ARE YOU GOING TO
CCG: I MEAN, I HAVEN'T CEASED TO BE A BOY. IT'S STILL A THING THAT'S TRUE.
CEB: ...oh, that. urh. yeah. X/
CEB: well i'm not gonna say there is absolutely no risk of a little freakout and some flailing and sudden *jazz hands!!*. but that's what jade is here for!
CCG: ... SHE IS?
CEB: yup. => <>
CEB: thwapping me over the head until i stop being stupid?
CGG: awwww <> <> <>
CGG: um, is it weird to you if we use diamonds? i mean for humans we usually use hearts for everything but john and i, we kind of like the diamond thing too. I mean, even if were probably not entirely getting it anyway because our last explanation was three years ago!
CGG: its just that we, uh, its hard to explain
CGG: it kinda fits.
CEB: it's not the same kind of like, you know?
CEB: uh durr, ask the troll if he knows about different kinds of like. durrr, self.
CCG: ... OH, WHO CARES. IT'S JUST A TEXT SYMBOL. GO FORTH AND COOPT MY CULTURE!
CCG: TEREZI AND ROSE FLING EACH OTHER SPADES ALL OVER THE PLACE.
CEB: what, really?!
CCG: OKAY, MAYBE NOT ALL OVER THE PLACE BUT IT'S BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN.
CEB: no, i mean. rose and terezi have a thing??
CCG: SURPRISED ME TOO. THEY'RE INTO THE VERBAL DEBATE ASPECT OF THE KISMESIS CONFLICT MORE THAN THE PHYSICAL BUT
CCG: NO, ACTUALLY THEY'RE MOSTLY INTO THE *MIND* SUBGENRE OF *FUCK*, BUT IF GETTING DOWN AND DIRTY WITH CLAWS AND NEEDLES IS NECESSARY FOR THAT THEN IT DOES ALSO HAPPEN.
CCG: FREQUENTLY.
CCG: IN PUBLIC AREAS.
CCG: BY THE WAY DO NOT EVER QUESTION THE NATURE OR ORIGIN OF ANY TEAL-AND-RED STAIN SPLATTERED IN AESTHETIC EYESEARING PATTERNS ON ANY KIND OF SURFACE. EVER. I WILL BET YOU EVERYTHING I OWN THAT *YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW*.
CEB: ... gnuh.
CCG: IS THIS ANOTHER SILLY GENDER ISSUE, JOHN HUMAN?
CEB: no, no! it's a 'rose has kinky hatesex' issue.
CGG: besides roses also in <3s with kanaya isnt she so it cant be the two girls thing
CEB: what? she is??!
CEB: why does no one tell me those things!!!
CCG: DOT DOT DOT.
CCG: YOU NEEDED TO BE *TOLD*?
CGG: uh, i didnt think it needed telling!
CEB: ... bluh bluh.
CGG: pfff. seriously you couldnt tell??? theyre all, you know. flirty!
CCG: HEH. YOU'RE HOPELESS.
CGG: romantic sense of a brick.
CCG: NO KIDDING.
CEB: stop ganging up on me!
--
The Matesprit/Kismesis double-double reacharound! (JohnJadeKat. wow, okay, I have another ot3.)
--
Earthian Dating, Alternian-Style: Episode Three, The Matesprit/Kismesis Double-Double-Reacharound
By Brett Howell
Who amongst the general public hasn't at the very least heard of John Egbert, rising humorist and riveting showman (and, slightly less known, accomplished, classically-trained concert pianist?) If you're not into astronomy or nuclear physics you might be excused for not knowing of his cousin, vivacious and horrendously brilliant Jade Harley. (If you are, you have no excuse; in those circles she is revolutionizing there is no escaping her sharp insight.)
The two cousins share, along with quirky good looks and overachieving habits, a joie de vivre, an intensity that is hard to contain in mere words. Child prodigies each in their own domains, armed with determination enough to level small mountains and matching irresistible smiles, their family resemblance is impossible to miss. The exotic deep tan and ink-black hair of their part-Polynesian heritage sets off intensely blue (John) and green (Jade, the well-named) eyes.
They also happen to run in the same tight circles as the famous twins, DJ Dave "Stridenasty" Strider and renowned novel author Rose Lalonde, of Complacency of the Learned and more recently Lambency of the Benighted fame.
In short, they're gorgeous, smart, well-connected, independently wealthy, and well on their way to becoming nothing short of illustrious.
They also happen to be dating the same man.
Who, but who is this Karkat Vantas who has captured them so, you will at this point wonder? And up until today the answer would have been, no one really knows.
Adverse to the blinding glare of camera flashes, Mr. Vantas' presence in the lives of Jade Harley and John Egbert is mostly felt in the shape of things left unsaid and a few, almost accidental offhand mentions, but their peculiar romance has apparently been going on for at least a year, perhaps more! A year and a half ago, Jade Harley mentioned she was "dating a troll boy, and I don't want to say more but we're very happy." In a follow-up interview, when asked if she was dating him red or black and whether she minded the sacrifices inherent in sharing her lover with his other quadrants, Harley replied with nothing but a bright laugh and a playful and, dare we say, suggestive waggle of her ebon eyebrows.
As for the inclusion of John Egbert into this peculiar balance, nothing is sure until Christmas of last year, where Egbert used his "plus one" to the yearly Wentworth charity gala on his "ironic bro-date", a reserved young Alternian gentleman of indeterminate hemocaste hue and understated brooding good looks. Our faithful readers might remember the hilarious skit "No Homo," which Egbert said later was inspired by an incident that evening where the hostess happened upon Vantas "fishing for his cell phone" down the back of Egbert's exquisitely tailored slacks.
Egbert has admitted recently that this incident was, in fact, exactly what it looked like at the time.
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...Okay, on a slightly less completely and utterly tangential note, yay, Jade's powers (and ears! ha!) are back in "Garden," and the internet does not exist (which is not especially surprising given people are moving around via animal-drawn carts). The plot thickens!
Also, I love Sakura freaking out her opponent by smiling. He probably thinks she's all, "Ohoho, you think you know my secret techniques, but really that was all a ruse and you are in for a world of pain," when actually she's more amused at herself for getting distracted by her boyfriends. Has she realized that she's unnerved him yet? Because the psychological edge is a very useful upper hand to have in a fight!
More Battlefield Terra! *anticipates*
Also, more Jade/Karkat/John! *anticipates with the fire a thousand suns* (Damn you for making me kind of actually ship that, by the way. ...By which I mean, thank you for writing lots of it. *sheepish*)
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I should just sit and write that Garden scene, srsly, but BT is getting so much more attention and um yeah ._. *sighflops*
Has she realized that she's unnerved him yet? Because the psychological edge is a very useful upper hand to have in a fight!
yeah, she has. XD I really need to fix the POV.
re: lj, wow indeed. o_o that's really weird.
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Oh my gosh, I want that river scene fanart'd like yesterday! ^o^ Especially Giving Nepeta A Bath. ;3 We can commandeer some of the Battlefield Terra fanartists, right? Right. Spread the Asuka-love. And obviously, Sollux, the answer is just to make your own satellites! New life mission: bring Teh Internets to the Dark Ages! So EXCITE for the next bit~
I read the Jade/Karkat/John news thingy in the voice of The Announcer from Avatar: Legend of Korra, and that made it 100% more awesome. xD (btw, if you are not watching Korra yet, you really should! I think you would like it!) I look forward to reading the whole fic!
...I need to go reread Teamwork, it has been too long. ^_^; I vaguely remember the fights with kyuubi and itachi, but nothing much else about the exam... *whistles*
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I'm doing a fanart but it's Gamzee watching John and Karkat trying to drown each other. Hrrm. Will see. Nepeta deserves loev!
pffff the announcer. i watched the first two eps, dunno why I haven't watched more really.
The previous match was just Sasuke against Hanabi and he pretty much wipes the floor with her, while Naruto has a chat with Shika and his two blondes. Boooring. XD
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You express very well with action and talky bits in your writing. Also, Jade/Karkat/John is taking over your pairings. *cackles*
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Don't worry, no one is. XDDD the first name is canon btw. XDDDD oh rose and her purple prose.
Yeah, wtf is up with all that jadejohnkat everywhere, my fandom OT3 is supposed to be daveterekat and I haven't published anything! D: okay they're all harder to write but srsly!