hahaha XD It's the silliest fic ever. Also, drunk!sakura.
Sasuke was attempting to placate her again, more circumspect now. "Sakura... The truth is I like both--"
"You repressed homo liar."
"-- Okay, fine, the truth is that I like neither. There, happy?"
Naruto wriggled under the toppled-over couch until he could pop his head out of the side and look at the scene. Sakura was advancing on Sasuke slowly, wobbling with each step and yet still immensely threatening. Naruto seriously considered hiding in his couch fort and letting them forget him there.
It was actually kind of hilarious, in a deeply surreal, I'm-gonna-have-bruises-on-my-bruises-what-the-HELL way. He was gonna hold it over Sakura's head for months.
Sasuke noticed him, and jerked his chin at Sakura in a meaningful 'help me, you asshole' manner, but Naruto just grinned, mouthed back 'take one for the team, man!' and made himself comfortable to watch the show. The angle of Sasuke's mouth turned sourer.
"I'm not even sure Naruto has a dick anyway, so I don't see how I could like his."
"Oi!" Naruto protested without thinking. "Channeling Sai or something?"
Sasuke bristled, forgetting to keep track of Sakura to glare at him better. "Maybe he was right about one thing in his life! You're dickless."
Naruto started to squirm free of the couch. "I'm gonna give you my dick, assho--uhh."
That sounded... kind of wrong. Naruto paused, a knee still on the floor, and realized Sakura could see him now. Gack.
She only gave him a long, considering look, and snorted. "As if, Naruto, Sasuke would totally top." Then she blinked and looked at Sasuke like she'd had a sudden doubt and would like him to confirm. Sasuke looked insulted, but Naruto thought it was a perfectly normal doubt to have, damn it.
"...Yeah. I'd top," Sasuke said. "If we had sex. Which we don't."
Sakura, thankfully, totally ignored the denial part, instead of getting angry over it. But it was only because she was busy pointing meaningfully at Sasuke's dust-caked chest and looking all forlorn. "But why couldn't you have gone for someone prettier? I mean, Naruto isn't even a pretty boy."
Naruto's jaw hung open once again. "H-HEY!" So first he was having a top-secret homo affair with the bastard, and now he wasn't even good enough for him?!
"Okay he's built and kinda rugged and okay maybe a little cute... maybe a lot cute... and he's probably going to end up kind of manly at some point..."
Eee, Sakura-chan thought he was cute! -- um. Heh. Definitely holding this one over her head. Yeah.
"--But. Not pretty."
... Okay, yeah, he'd take being manly and rugged any time if the alternative was 'pretty.' Pffhahaha.
no subject
Sasuke was attempting to placate her again, more circumspect now. "Sakura... The truth is I like both--"
"You repressed homo liar."
"-- Okay, fine, the truth is that I like neither. There, happy?"
Naruto wriggled under the toppled-over couch until he could pop his head out of the side and look at the scene. Sakura was advancing on Sasuke slowly, wobbling with each step and yet still immensely threatening. Naruto seriously considered hiding in his couch fort and letting them forget him there.
It was actually kind of hilarious, in a deeply surreal, I'm-gonna-have-bruises-on-my-bruises-what-the-HELL way. He was gonna hold it over Sakura's head for months.
Sasuke noticed him, and jerked his chin at Sakura in a meaningful 'help me, you asshole' manner, but Naruto just grinned, mouthed back 'take one for the team, man!' and made himself comfortable to watch the show. The angle of Sasuke's mouth turned sourer.
"I'm not even sure Naruto has a dick anyway, so I don't see how I could like his."
"Oi!" Naruto protested without thinking. "Channeling Sai or something?"
Sasuke bristled, forgetting to keep track of Sakura to glare at him better. "Maybe he was right about one thing in his life! You're dickless."
Naruto started to squirm free of the couch. "I'm gonna give you my dick, assho--uhh."
That sounded... kind of wrong. Naruto paused, a knee still on the floor, and realized Sakura could see him now. Gack.
She only gave him a long, considering look, and snorted. "As if, Naruto, Sasuke would totally top." Then she blinked and looked at Sasuke like she'd had a sudden doubt and would like him to confirm. Sasuke looked insulted, but Naruto thought it was a perfectly normal doubt to have, damn it.
"...Yeah. I'd top," Sasuke said. "If we had sex. Which we don't."
Sakura, thankfully, totally ignored the denial part, instead of getting angry over it. But it was only because she was busy pointing meaningfully at Sasuke's dust-caked chest and looking all forlorn. "But why couldn't you have gone for someone prettier? I mean, Naruto isn't even a pretty boy."
Naruto's jaw hung open once again. "H-HEY!" So first he was having a top-secret homo affair with the bastard, and now he wasn't even good enough for him?!
"Okay he's built and kinda rugged and okay maybe a little cute... maybe a lot cute... and he's probably going to end up kind of manly at some point..."
Eee, Sakura-chan thought he was cute! -- um. Heh. Definitely holding this one over her head. Yeah.
"--But. Not pretty."
... Okay, yeah, he'd take being manly and rugged any time if the alternative was 'pretty.' Pffhahaha.