edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (0)
Elizabeth Culmer ([personal profile] edenfalling) wrote in [personal profile] askerian 2010-03-21 01:17 am (UTC)

I really like how Sakura wants to pin Itachi to the ground, but controls that enough to realize what she needs is to get him into the air.

This paragraph: She shook her head, hard, pink locks flying. She wanted those useless flashes of primal fear and revelation out. They were just preventing her from concentrating, figuring out what to do.

I am a little iffy about it. It feels like Sakura has already managed to shove her fear aside instead of being in the process of shoving her fear aside -- maybe it's just that if she can describe her emotional reactions that clearly, it feels a little distanced to me? I dunno.

The flash-images in the parentheses are brilliant, as is the action itself.

Oh! One other thing -- what happened to the poor sleeping kids? Maybe Sakura should think for a moment about drawing Itachi away from them? It would tie in with wanting to protect her own child, and the whole not-letting-Itachi-hurt-anyone-else thing.

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