Naruto Shippuuden Movie 1

[askerian]

That's the one with the blonde Hinata-clone miko, not the one with Sasuke.

So didn't want to wait for the subs, and http://www.veoh.com has the raw, so that's what I watched. low quality, couldn't really understand most of what they said... Eh. (funny how many cliche sentences of Japanese you learn watching subs, though. I couldn't ask you where the bus is going, but I sure can recognize "shut up" and "don't give up".)



The plot: There is this guy with the goatee who awakens some kind of ancient evil. (It's always the guy with the goatee. At least this time the bad guy was hot? I suppose.) He has four henchmen who use jutsus in ways that shouldn't be used but shut up, it's a movie. Then there's this teenage miko (priestess) named Shion who is a selfish, haughty bint. Shion is a really cliche character; typical "acts like a spoiled bitch because no one can see how special she is." She has a faithful henchman with dork glasses and a funny hat. (he's going to die. In this kind of movie the faithful henchman always dies.)

The bad guy raises an army of statues that are curiously indestructible. They advance on Fire Country/Konoha/Something like that. Tsunade sends Naruto, Sakura, Lee and Neji to protect the miko. (Neji acts as Jounin in charge. Yeeeah like Naruto's gonna listen to him.)

They get to Oni no Kuni. Shion is a bint who doesn't care about her people. Naruto gets righteously in her face about that. She predicts he's gonna die. Naruto seems to worry a bit but mostly in a comical way.

They try to get Shion to that cave where she's got to seal the Evil. The bad guy's four henchmen disagree. There are fights blahblahblah, Lee gets to destroy one henchman while getting drunk via special pill. Naruto and Neji face off with bad guys, Sakura runs away with Shion --

askerian: wtf sakura didn't even get to fight?
askerian: she gets poisoned and falls over before she can use the antidote?
askerian: what what

askerian: I know Naruto can be self righteous at times, but the movies always seem to change him into this grand giver of lessons. All the fucking time.
askerian: and now he's running after a civilian girl and can't catch up? yeahright.
askerian: Shion's bodyguard just sacrificed his life to save her. She gets bitchy and goes "he shouldn't have, that moron, no one asked him to" and then when she runs away Naruto just goes and blathers at her for two minutes straight about how she's mean and cruel and should recognize his sacrifice. Yo, asswipe, maybe she reacted that way because IT HURT?
askerian: she should slap him
sarolynne: ......*facepalm*
askerian: she's crying, you dick!
askerian: I hope he feels like an asshole
askerian: tho I guess that's one of Naruto's faults too, if people don't have the same emotional reaction as he does, he tends to miss it -- but never that badly D:
askerian: they try to redo the Haku and Zabuza "how could you" and it just doesn't work
askerian: because Zabuza was lying to himself. Shion wasn't, she was just lashing out because it hurt.

Anyway. The bad henchmen come back to their master who somehow knows they didn't kill the right Shion. Naruto & Co start running toward the Lava Pit Cave. Moar fights yay! This time somehow Neji, Sakura and Lee have no problem winning. Because the enemies totally defeated themselves by using too much power. Mmm cheap. The fight scenes weren't even that good.

Naruto carries Shion to the volcano in which the Evil is sealed... (every good goatee'd villain has one. I wonder if they come free with the facial hair.) They get attacked by moar evil statue-things. Shion falls down the cliff oh noes!! Cue ages and ages of dramatic slow-motion fall and "is this... the end?" and "no one will save me..." and then of course Naruto catches her and they fall in the lake.

askerian: oh my fucking god they gave Naruto a bishounen moment wtffffffffff XD
askerian: complete with slow-mo head shaking and hair and water drops flying and a little ringing sound
sarolynne: .............
sarolynne: Really?
askerian: yeeeah
askerian: he wasn't actually prettier, but the slow-mo headshake hahaha
askerian: and Shion goes o.o#
askerian: then he's all "Don't worry 'cause I'll protect you!" and she gets flustered.
askerian: oh dude, crush tiem. poor girl XD (Now that is a tsundere. When she insults Naruto it's to hide that she's getting all melty at his shounen retardation. also she clings to his neck and she has moments of intimate whispering and "you promised, right?")

Blahblah Naruto gets held back at the mouth of the awesome caveful of lava blahblah, she runs ahead because Naruto is Counting On Her! But the bad guy is Waiting! But her superspecial hairpin with the tiny round crystal bell is actually an artefact of POWER and cuts those statuethings! And she goes and does her miko thing! But the evil creaturething planned for this ohnoes! And Naruto is gonna die just like she prophetized!

askerian: omaigawd so cool she had a longass flashback about her dead mommy and saved Naruto from certain, foreordained death with her awesome miko powarz!!
sarolynne: .......
sarolynne: Do her awesome miko powarz give Kyuubi an intense allergic reaction, and make Naruto all sick and loopy? 'Cause that's the only thing that could make that sound awesome to me. >.>

(Thank you for bunnying me, lovely.)

askerian: and now she's having a chat with dead mom
sarolynne: ....Interesting. Is dead Mom talkative?
askerian: and now she's found the courage to stand up and fiiiight
askerian: ... on her own
askerian: I dunno if that's worse than if Naruto pep-talked her into it or not.

But she still thinks she's giving her life to save people/her country/a certain blond hunk. Also I counted like three "Naruto..." in her inner monologue. DUUUUDE.

askerian: OKAY WHAT SHE JUST EVOLVED
sarolynne: .....
sarolynne: ...Tell me I'm wrong when the first thing I picture is like a pokemon. Please?
askerian: she's got a weird skintight outfit that makes me think of a gymnast's, at least the top
askerian: and her hair bangs now resemble wings.
sarolynne: ..........
askerian: AND SHE GOT A FUCKING HALO
askerian: and she got spontaneous face tattoos D:
askerian: she has a golden dress that she certainly wasn't wearing before, and a fluttery scarf-thing floating behind her back
askerian: oh good. it seems like that was only on the spiritual plane
askerian: but still WTFFF

askerian: oh Naruto shut up, pull her out of the pit and THEN lecture her on survival!

All the platforms over the lava are crumbling in ohnoes! D: Did Naruto and Shion get out??

askerian: -- what the fuck is Temari doing here
askerian: *boggles*
sarolynne: ...........................

askerian: Eruption tiem! That's the trouble with volcano lairs.

askerian: end song sucks

askerian: ... I still wonder what Temari is doing here
askerian: She's with Kakashi and Shika and they came from literally NOWHERE. It's like they took a poll on popular characters to randomly stuff in for the end shot.

Then Naruto comes out of the mist carrying Shion bride-style. He puts her down on the ground in front of the Konoha group and they look back at the happy happy destruction. Then Shion smiles and says something that makes Lee and Sakura go O_o!!? And Naruto grins back and does his nice guy pose.

... From the faces of the guys behind them, I have a feeling she asked him to be her babydaddy and somehow it went way over his head but he promised anyway. (I don't care what the real translation is, it's what she said in my heart. Yes.)

The End.

Okay so :
-The fight scenes weren't that good. I'm disappointed, that's usually what I watch the naruto movies for.
-They spent WAY too much time floating randomly in the air. I'm sorry but Naruto, Neji and company do NOT fly. They bounce, yeah, but dude, not like that.
-The plot was sooooo previsible homg. D:
-no Sasuke cameo.
-Naruto is usually a bit of a self-righteous dick, but in there he was a HUGE dick. And even more retarded than usual.
-GIANT BELL RASENGAN. But then they had to top the Moon-In-The-Rasengan somehow. D;

I was sufficiently entertained, but that was mostly because I wasn't expecting much and had nothing better to do. So basically it was a hour-long filler, and Shion should be renamed Sue Mc Clicheville.

... And somehow, I am left feeling the inexplicable urge to go to FFnet and search for Shion/Miko OC/MarySue fic to try. D;

No, I can't explain it either.

Comments

[leilia.livejournal.com]

She's with Kakashi and Shika and they came from literally NOWHERE. It's like they took a poll on popular characters to randomly stuff in for the end shot.

I died laughing here. Died lotsly. I was laughing so hard my dogs were running around barking trying to figure out what was going on.

I think that is exactly what they do though. I mean look at the DBZ movies if you want to see the same thing in action.

[askerian]

Well yes, but DBZ at least has the excuses that 1) they can go anywhere on Earth in like five seconds, 2) they can always feel each other when they're in trouble and 3) the cast is supposed to be working together in the first place. Temari didn't have much of a reason to just happen to be in another village. Tho I guess they're pushing for ShikaTema too... XD