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It's

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's birthday!

Let's do something special in his honor.

Let's... write a Round Robin. >D

(Anyone can play, just write your own idea of "what happens just after that". No more than ~~three paragraphs~~ oh what the hell, twenty-five lines per person, one-liners okay if they're sufficiently brainbreaky, and if two of you reply at the same time? ALTERNATE UNIVERSES, BABY. Plz not to be replying to the same person more than two times in a row, let other people play too ;p Bring in any character you want, just give a semi-coherent reason why they're here, no popping up out of thin air. All pairings okay so long as Sasuke's in there. Let's make your special day really "more special", baby.)

"What the hell," Sasuke breathed out, slowly, calmly, a white-knuckled grasp on the hilt of his sword, "are you doing here?"

Naruto and Sakura looked at each other, looked up at him again, and grinned. Grinned. Where was the anger? Where was the wariness? Where were the promises of dragging him back home against his will?

"We're throwing you a birthday party, of course!" Sakura chirped. Sasuke couldn't see any fear or uncertainty in her eyes; not even sorrow.

"Yeah, if you count on that bastard snake-guy, you're not gonna have much fun. Come on, Sasuke," Naruto wheedled with his most engaging hopeful grin, blue eyes twinkling with mischief.

They were crazy. They were utterly crazy. Not so long ago, he had showed that he wouldn't mind killing them, and now --

-- now they were climbing his hill, bouncing leisurely up the rocks.

"Don't be a grouch, asshole! It's party time, man! Par-tay!"

Maybe it was a genjutsu, Sasuke wondered as Sakura pulled a bottle of Sake from her backpack.

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Telling himself that made it a fraction easier to take a step back when they kept coming. But only one. He wasn't going to grant them any more acknowledgement than that.

He pulled the katana out an inch a moment later, which made Sakura at least pause, in the middle of zipping her backpack up again. He gave her a flat look.

"Do you really think I'm going to drink that?"

"No, not until we prove it isn't drugged first," she replied with an easy smile.

Sasuke shifted the flat look to a glare for just a moment, before he was forced to focus on Naruto, who hadn't bothered stopping at all and therefore was too damn close.

"Happy Birthday, man."

That annoying grin hadn't left yet, and Sasuke didn't dare take him eyes off him thinking the moron might actually try to touch him or something. He looked as if he could pounce out of sheer happiness any moment.

In the peripheral, he saw Sakura open the bottle and swallow an impressive amount of liquor without even a grimace.

Yes, this had to be a genjutsu. Kabuto was just fucking with him again. Four-eyed freak really did have too much time on his hands.

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Slither-outy? Sasuke didn't so much frown as show the slightest inclination to flinch as he shifted his grip on his sword to not so cheerily remove Naruto's arm from him - well, once he'd shrug off the amputated limb.

Yet to his moderate shock, when he brought his sword up, it wasn't two feet of hardened steel ablaze with his chakra. No - it was nine inches of bottled alcohol.

Naruto grinned cheekily.

Sasuke brought the bottle down on his head. Hard.

((>D))

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"Your own fault" Sakura muttered as she took another swig from her bottle, "you never take a man's sword without asking."

Naruto was clutching his head and muttering something about Sasuke being a bastard, and (were it not for the fact that he was pretty sure he should've been killing them with his teeth) this would all be very familiar and homelike.

Only it wasn't, it was completely out of the blue and random, and he couldn't think of anything to do about it just because of said randomness.

Narutoby this time had recovered-there was scarcely a bump on his head-and was back into conversation again.

"Everyone back home says hi."

Now, see, that. That was potentially a loaded question, and stupid besides. Even dead-last wasn't oblivious enough to completely forego warnings of what would happen if he didn't come with them in favor of small talk.

But, dammit, there wasn't any way to find out what was going on without probing.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. Well, except Lee. He said more like..." and then he mimed something between a hug and a punch, which made Sasuke flinch and made Sakura snigger in a way that suggested she might, perhaps, not be holding her liquor down that well.

((taking the subject/pronoun in a different direction))

When Sasuke awoke, it was to a splitting pain that stretched from the back of his skull to a point between his still-closed eyes. Bright, shifting colors swirled against the back of his lids with each attempt at removing his head from the hard gravel floor. He struggled to remember why he was in so much pain and flat on his back.

He sensed a movement above him, and then there were hot, moist puffs of air against his face. They came with words.

"Bastard! Hey! What are you, suicidal?" That grating voice was too clear and entirely too close to be part of a nightmare. Sasuke winced as everything came back to him. Fuck, he'd overdone it.

"Naruto, back off a little." Sakura's tone was firm, but gentle toward the moron. It lacked the harsh reprimand and undertones of threatened violence that Sasuke associated with the girl from his youth.

With no little amount of nausea, his eyes started to open. His vision slowly cleared to focus in on two large, blue eyes. The throbbing sensation that ran along his head reminded him that this was not, unfortunately, some rare genjutsu that had escaped the sharingan's detection.

"Fuck, it didn't work," Sasuke muttered, touching a tentative hand to his head. There was no blood, which meant he hadn't broken the skin, but the egg-sized lump growing beneath his fingers told him that it wouldn't be wise to sit up just yet.

Plus, a blond-haired moron was currently breathing down his neck.

Sasuke punched out randomly, not connecting with anything, but getting some personal space back in any case. Naruto leapt back a bit and frowned.

"What didn't work? Your attempt to kill yourself with alcohol the not-fun way?" he jeered.

"Don't badger him, Naruto," Sakura said, placing a hand briefly on Sasuke's forehead. "He probably thinks this is a genjutsu or a dream or something."

Sasuke froze as he felt the warm trickle of chakra transfer from her palm onto his skin but was shaken off guard by the confident smack she gave to his shoulder when started to tense up.

"Stop that," she chided. "You'll just make it take longer to heal."

Naruto blinked and then eased the sake bottle from Sasuke's slackened hands and took a long swig.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," he said and then belched, loudly.

Sasuke's upper lip curled into a sneer.

"Well what the hell am I supposed to think?" he yelled, temper finally getting the best of him. "This is completely insane! You can't honestly expect me to believe that you came HERE just to get me drunk for my birthday."

"But we did," Sakura pointed out, calmly.

Sasuke glared at her, and she just smiled back, not even flinching. It boggled the mind. This wasn't even a good genjutsu. Why couldn't he break free of it?

"Look," the blond imitating Naruto piped up, "say this is a genjutsu or a dream--"

"Aha!"

"I wasn't finished, bastard. If this is a dream, then would it kill you to just enjoy it?"

Sasuke thought back to all the little 'surprises' Kabuto and Orochimaru had subjected him to since he came to Sound.

Would it kill him to enjoy seeing his team mates again, if it was only a dream?

Probably.

Ignoring the blond's triumphant grin, Sasuke snatched the sake bottle from his hand. If he was going to be stuck in a genjutsu until someone was done amusing himself, he might as well make the most of it. Besides, if he was going to have to put up with Naruto's incessant yapping, a little anesthetic - real or imaginary - was in order.

He eyed the bottle in his hand for a moment. They'd both drank from it; chances of it being drugged were slim(if this were real, that is), though still possible.

Naruto snorted. "There's nothing in it. You saw Sakura-chan break the seal yourself."

Sasuke glared at him out of the corner of his eye before glancing back at the bottle. Orochimaru wouldn't poison him. Kabuto probably wouldn't, not with anything that had permanent effects anyway.

"Oh, come on! What are you chicken?" the blond laughed.

Sasuke kicked him and took a drink from the bottle. Not because of Naruto's goading, of course, but because his head still hurt like a bitch, and this would help.

He kicked at Naruto once more for good measure.

Sasuke wasn't much of a drinker, preferring instead the awareness of sobriety, but he felt at the moment, a little alcohol was called for. Not much though, he told himself, as he took a second gulp. The liquid seared his throat and settled warmly in his stomach--a not unpleasant distraction from the throbbing in his head.

Either he had hit himself a lot harder than he'd initially thought or Naruto had cast his dumb clone jutsu because there were suddenly two Naruto's waving their hands in front of his face. Further annoyed that this was proving not to be a genjutsu after all, Sasuke aimed for the Naruto on the left.

He couldn't quite hide his smirk when his fist connected and Naruto fell back with a shout, clutching his nose.

"Honestly, Sasuke, we came here for you," Sakura said, her pink hair somewhere to his left. He couldn't be bothered to look right then since the annoying pain had spread to just behind his eyes and he was fairly certain he'd still be able to fend her off if she decided on a side attack. "You should listen to Naruto and just enjoy it."

Sasuke watched as the blond rolled around in the dirt, still holding his nose and cursing Sasuke's name. Nothing more joyful than that, he thought, taking another drink.

It occured to Sakura that if her twelve year old self had been told that only a few years later she'd be where she currently was, she would have no doubt dismissed the idea with a disbelieving sneer. Moderately drunk, drinking from the bottle no less, and celebrating the birthday of the boy-gone-wrong with the moron-gone-prodigy in the middle of nowhere.

She'd had more than enough time to ponder Naruto's growth into the young man he was now, but looking over at Sasuke still made her eyes and insides shake. Everytime he turned his head a certain way she saw his brother, ghosting between his cheekbones and mouth. Her eyes slide down his profile, catching in the dip of his throat, and almost going in independent directions to follow the wide, deep V of his rather revealing robe.

Across from her, Naruto sucked at his sharp teeth as he managed to swallow yet another mouthful of sake. He sat with one leg up, the forearm that led to his own bottle of alcohol propped up on his knee. The group had fallen into a bit of an musty silence after Sasuke had started drinking again, and they were all left to their own thoughts. Watching Sakura, it was evident where her mind was leading her.

His head, feeling loose on his shoulders, rolled to the side, bringing Sasuke into his line of sight. The other man...boy...man was running the pad of his thumb over the wet lip of his own bottle. His expression would have been completely unreadable if it weren't for his eyes - slightly lidded.

Naruto cracked a lop-sided grin. Birthday boy was still drunk.

"What's the look for, dobe?" said Sasuke with a sneer. "You're not supposed to look so... so... you, when it's your birthday, you have free sake, and me and Sakura-chan are here!" Naurto whined.

"I'm gonna sing you a song, Sasuke-teme!", yelled Naruto, arms drunkenly flailing. Naruto took a long swig of sake before clearing his throat and taking in a deep breath. "Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday, Sasuke-bastard-assssss! Happy Birthday to YOUUUU!!!" Naruto ended the drunken slur of a song with a heartfelt belch, and tipping to the side, head falling into Sakura's lap, in a fit of giggles.

* I so suck at this stuff* :9

Sasuke wrinkled his nose and turned it up in a huff. Or would have, if the alcohol hadn't messed up the effect. "You're a terrible singer, dobe" he said before taking another swig of the sake.

"I'll have you know that was a wonderful rendition! Are you trying to pick a fight by insulting me, bastard?"

"Sure, why not?" Sasuke laughed and lunged. And in his drunken lack of coordination, ended up with a faceful of Sakura's breasts.

Surprisingly (or unsuprisingly, as the case may be. It was kind of hard to tell with the alcoholic fuzz clouding everything) Sakura utterly failed to punch Sasuke off her chest.

Instead she gave a slight noise of suprise, like one would give after tripping over a gold bar lying in the middle of the road, and threaded one hand into Sasuke's hair, actually drawing his face closer.

Sasuke was dizzy, which was why he didn't pull away immediately. It had nothing to do whatsoever with the nice way Sakura smelled, or the amazing softness of her breasts against his pounding head. Nothing.

Denial securly in place, Sasuke gave a sigh and started to nuzzle as Sakura's nails scraped the back of his neck.

Next to them, Naruto pouted.

"No fair," he whined. "Sasuke's gets to feel your tits and I get beaten up."

"Well it is his birthday," Sakura said, gasping a little as Sasuke mouthed lazily at her clothed breast. "But why don't you come over here and do something with the other end?"

Naruto brightened at this suggestion, seeing Sasuke's hips rise enticingly in the air as he moved into a better position to rest his face against Sakura.

Sakura really was the smartest kunoichi of her time.

Ignoring the last half of her babble, Sasuke was distracted by something scraping across his cheek. He pulled back just enough to realize it was the zipper pull.

Well, that had to go.

Clenching it between his teeth, he pulled it halfway down her stomach and slid back up, nudging the cloth out of the way so he could rest his cheek on soft skin.

Ah, that was much better. With Sakura's nails still scratching his scalp soothingly, he could almost ignore the fact that Naruto was... "What the fuck are you doing, Dead Last?"

"Recon, asshole. Kinda like what you're doing, but I've been trained for this." Naruto was behind Sakura now, touching her all over with what HAD to be more than one pair of hands. They were covering from the thighs to her midriff, exploring several crevices along the way.
When did he get his hand under her shirt? And it was headed to what? No way! Those were his boobs! Sasuke moved in with his slightly too long tongue, ready to defend his territory.
***
Zetsu's kusa-bushin decided to wait before reporting this new development in his former comrade's associate. The more data gathered the better after all.

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