Saki-ness ahoy!
So my lovely
chronolith is writing Sakiness for me. SakuSaki/sasu, which will eventually end in Team Seven lovin -- POST-TIMESKIP.
Liek. whoa.
And I love it because it has sexy angry!Sakura and clumsywithfeelings!Sasuke, and her LJ is friends only, so I am reposting so you people can read it. It's only the beginning for now, but eeee! anyway.
Eventually it will be smutty. 9_9;;;
It was a boy's desk cluttered with a girl's things. Delicate, fragile things that had no real purpose in a shinobi's life unless there was a mission that called for it--her mouth twists with memories quickly shoved aside, they all do what needs to be done--frivolous little things that she might have had if things had been different. If Sasuke and then Naruto hadn't gone away, if Tsunade had not come, if her new found ambition and desperate desire to protect had never been awoken she might have had these things. She didn't notice that she was turning a small azure bottle of scent over and over in her hands until she was distracted by a small sound at the doorway. Wood creaking, maybe, because Naruto's apartment is old and decrept, but definitely a sound he could have avoided if he wanted to.
He was being ... polite, in that odd way that shinobi occasionally were with another. She put the bottle down and counted to ten. Naruto hated it when they fought. He gave her that wounded look he should have grown out of years ago, but still hasn't. So she counted to ten and promised herself that she would not fight with Sasuke today, even if he started it.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't pry." She moved to leave, but the expression on Sasuke's face made her pause. It was something stuck between constipation and pain. She paused, waiting for him to spit out whatever it was he was going to say.
"You don't have anything like that." She gave him a hard look which made him not quite flinch. "I just ... wondered why."
Because you used to, and then you changed, and I don't know what to do with you anymore. Was the unspoken statement they both knew he would have said if he was anyone but Uchiha Sasuke, the uncommunicative asshole. She heard it because Naruto told her as much in the middle of lecturing her. Naruto told her that Sasuke didn't know where he belonged in Konoha anymore, now that his brother was dealt with and everyone had changed. Naruto told her that's why he needed to be Saki-chan sometimes. Naruto also told her that she needed Sasuke to be Saki-chan sometimes and that started a whole new fight.
She was quiet so long that Sasuke gave her a look, and it was a new look, a hopeless one that she had only ever seen on Naruto's face. Or maybe Gaara's once, when Temari was gone. Hopeless and lost. Like he didn't know which way was up anymore. Seeing Naruto's expression on Sasuke's face made Sakura pause. Then sigh.
"I didn't have the time," she said as she picked up the bottle of perfume again. "When you ... left," this would not be a guilt-trip; it wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't "and then Naruto left, and I was either training, or at the hospital, or on a mission..." She trailed off. She didn't know how to explain this to him. She wasn't sure she wanted to. She put down the bottle firmly. "I didn't have the time and there wasn't a point to it."
"Ino did."
Sakura sucked in her breath hard. Sasuke eyed her warily. Then she counted to ten. Slowly. In two languages. Naruto said Sasuke did not mean to be an asshole. She knew he did not mean to be an asshole. But sometimes she really wondered if he was so socially miswired as to not understand that comparing two girls who have been fighting with each other--generally over him--was a bad idea.
"I. Am. Not. Ino," she said clearly and slowly to be sure he would understand. Sasuke looked at her. She could see the thoughts turning over in his head, trying to figure out why she was pissed.
She dragged her hands through her hair, making it stick up as is she had stuck a finger in a light socket. Sasuke frowned at her for it. It was was Saki's expression, that little disapproving frown. Saki's expression of 'oh, now look at what you did to your pretty hair, tut-tut.'
It was easier to think of Sasuke as Saki and Sasuke, two completely separate entities, even though she knew they were not. And moments like these reinforced that--which meant that under all of his pissiness, Sasuke liked pretty things. Pretty, simple things that existed just to be pretty, like flowers and satin on girls. Which meant he was sort of like Ino in that he wouldn't really understand why she had put all of that down. Why she had to put all of that down. Because he hadn't been there.
She tried pulled away from that line of thought before it got too bitter. ‘It wasn't fair, said that inner voice, that he could just come back like nothing had happened. It wasn't fair that Naruto had accepted him back without batting an eye.’ Sakura rubbed at her temples. Maybe Naruto was right. She hadn't forgiven Sasuke for not being everything she had wanted him to be. She hadn't yet forgiven him for breaking her happy illusion of what they were, and that wasn't fair either. Sakura couldn't let it go or put it down—all that anger and resentment--but she would try. For Naruto and all the things he had done for her since he came home, she would try.
"Ino doesn't have Tsunade as a teacher," Sakura pointed out. "Ino wasn't training to be a medical nin and a shinobi. She had more time to learn all these things." Sakura picked up one long tube and waved it at Sasuke. "I'm not even sure what this is."
"Mascara," Sasuke replied promptly. "Wrong colour for you, though."
Sakura knew she was giving him a very, very odd look, but couldn't stop herself. It was just so ... weird to hear that out of Uchiha Sasuke's mouth. Sasuke must have taken her odd look to be one of confusion, because he took the mascara tube from her hand, opened it up and showed it too her. "Because of your coloring black would be too extreme. You would need something in a light red or brown maybe."
Sakura knew she was giving him a look like he had grown a second head. "How do you know this stuff?"
Sasuke's expression was one she knew well. It was the 'duh, idiot' expression he used to direct at Naruto way back when they were all still in the academy. "It's not that different from picking out the appropriate camo colours depending on terrain."
"Let me guess, you also know what matches and what doesn't just by looking at it."
He gave her that superior Uchiha look. "Yes."
Sakura couldn't help it. She started laughing. Sasuke sneered at her and then paused. "I could ... teach you," he said deceptively casual, but she knew after living with him again for months, after months of lectures from Naruto, she knows it cost him to offer that. "I could show you how I do it."
That made her breath hitch. Sakura was not so blind to Sasuke's issues that she didn't understand what a gesture of trust that offer was. Sasuke had never let anyone, not even Naruto, see that shift between Sasuke the avenger and Saki-chan. He was offering to let her watch him at his most vulnerable. She smiled at him and meant it, probably for the first time since he returned to Hidden Leaf, "I would like that."
edit: okay, people, she rules, we know. How about real comments now? XD
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Liek. whoa.
And I love it because it has sexy angry!Sakura and clumsywithfeelings!Sasuke, and her LJ is friends only, so I am reposting so you people can read it. It's only the beginning for now, but eeee! anyway.
Eventually it will be smutty. 9_9;;;
It was a boy's desk cluttered with a girl's things. Delicate, fragile things that had no real purpose in a shinobi's life unless there was a mission that called for it--her mouth twists with memories quickly shoved aside, they all do what needs to be done--frivolous little things that she might have had if things had been different. If Sasuke and then Naruto hadn't gone away, if Tsunade had not come, if her new found ambition and desperate desire to protect had never been awoken she might have had these things. She didn't notice that she was turning a small azure bottle of scent over and over in her hands until she was distracted by a small sound at the doorway. Wood creaking, maybe, because Naruto's apartment is old and decrept, but definitely a sound he could have avoided if he wanted to.
He was being ... polite, in that odd way that shinobi occasionally were with another. She put the bottle down and counted to ten. Naruto hated it when they fought. He gave her that wounded look he should have grown out of years ago, but still hasn't. So she counted to ten and promised herself that she would not fight with Sasuke today, even if he started it.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't pry." She moved to leave, but the expression on Sasuke's face made her pause. It was something stuck between constipation and pain. She paused, waiting for him to spit out whatever it was he was going to say.
"You don't have anything like that." She gave him a hard look which made him not quite flinch. "I just ... wondered why."
Because you used to, and then you changed, and I don't know what to do with you anymore. Was the unspoken statement they both knew he would have said if he was anyone but Uchiha Sasuke, the uncommunicative asshole. She heard it because Naruto told her as much in the middle of lecturing her. Naruto told her that Sasuke didn't know where he belonged in Konoha anymore, now that his brother was dealt with and everyone had changed. Naruto told her that's why he needed to be Saki-chan sometimes. Naruto also told her that she needed Sasuke to be Saki-chan sometimes and that started a whole new fight.
She was quiet so long that Sasuke gave her a look, and it was a new look, a hopeless one that she had only ever seen on Naruto's face. Or maybe Gaara's once, when Temari was gone. Hopeless and lost. Like he didn't know which way was up anymore. Seeing Naruto's expression on Sasuke's face made Sakura pause. Then sigh.
"I didn't have the time," she said as she picked up the bottle of perfume again. "When you ... left," this would not be a guilt-trip; it wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't "and then Naruto left, and I was either training, or at the hospital, or on a mission..." She trailed off. She didn't know how to explain this to him. She wasn't sure she wanted to. She put down the bottle firmly. "I didn't have the time and there wasn't a point to it."
"Ino did."
Sakura sucked in her breath hard. Sasuke eyed her warily. Then she counted to ten. Slowly. In two languages. Naruto said Sasuke did not mean to be an asshole. She knew he did not mean to be an asshole. But sometimes she really wondered if he was so socially miswired as to not understand that comparing two girls who have been fighting with each other--generally over him--was a bad idea.
"I. Am. Not. Ino," she said clearly and slowly to be sure he would understand. Sasuke looked at her. She could see the thoughts turning over in his head, trying to figure out why she was pissed.
She dragged her hands through her hair, making it stick up as is she had stuck a finger in a light socket. Sasuke frowned at her for it. It was was Saki's expression, that little disapproving frown. Saki's expression of 'oh, now look at what you did to your pretty hair, tut-tut.'
It was easier to think of Sasuke as Saki and Sasuke, two completely separate entities, even though she knew they were not. And moments like these reinforced that--which meant that under all of his pissiness, Sasuke liked pretty things. Pretty, simple things that existed just to be pretty, like flowers and satin on girls. Which meant he was sort of like Ino in that he wouldn't really understand why she had put all of that down. Why she had to put all of that down. Because he hadn't been there.
She tried pulled away from that line of thought before it got too bitter. ‘It wasn't fair, said that inner voice, that he could just come back like nothing had happened. It wasn't fair that Naruto had accepted him back without batting an eye.’ Sakura rubbed at her temples. Maybe Naruto was right. She hadn't forgiven Sasuke for not being everything she had wanted him to be. She hadn't yet forgiven him for breaking her happy illusion of what they were, and that wasn't fair either. Sakura couldn't let it go or put it down—all that anger and resentment--but she would try. For Naruto and all the things he had done for her since he came home, she would try.
"Ino doesn't have Tsunade as a teacher," Sakura pointed out. "Ino wasn't training to be a medical nin and a shinobi. She had more time to learn all these things." Sakura picked up one long tube and waved it at Sasuke. "I'm not even sure what this is."
"Mascara," Sasuke replied promptly. "Wrong colour for you, though."
Sakura knew she was giving him a very, very odd look, but couldn't stop herself. It was just so ... weird to hear that out of Uchiha Sasuke's mouth. Sasuke must have taken her odd look to be one of confusion, because he took the mascara tube from her hand, opened it up and showed it too her. "Because of your coloring black would be too extreme. You would need something in a light red or brown maybe."
Sakura knew she was giving him a look like he had grown a second head. "How do you know this stuff?"
Sasuke's expression was one she knew well. It was the 'duh, idiot' expression he used to direct at Naruto way back when they were all still in the academy. "It's not that different from picking out the appropriate camo colours depending on terrain."
"Let me guess, you also know what matches and what doesn't just by looking at it."
He gave her that superior Uchiha look. "Yes."
Sakura couldn't help it. She started laughing. Sasuke sneered at her and then paused. "I could ... teach you," he said deceptively casual, but she knew after living with him again for months, after months of lectures from Naruto, she knows it cost him to offer that. "I could show you how I do it."
That made her breath hitch. Sakura was not so blind to Sasuke's issues that she didn't understand what a gesture of trust that offer was. Sasuke had never let anyone, not even Naruto, see that shift between Sasuke the avenger and Saki-chan. He was offering to let her watch him at his most vulnerable. She smiled at him and meant it, probably for the first time since he returned to Hidden Leaf, "I would like that."
edit: okay, people, she rules, we know. How about real comments now? XD
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...And this is going to lead to smuttiness? W00t!
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And the way that Naruto's so carefully wording explanations in the background. =D
Are you going to be posting all of it? Or is she going to post in a comm or ff.net?
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Sweet.
(Anonymous) 2005-11-07 10:11 pm (UTC)(link)My only critique is that "She tried pulled away from..." screamed at my grammar-nazi sensors.
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Naruto's reaction should also be interesting. ^_^
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Gneh. Must avoid bunnies!
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This line “Sasuke liked pretty things. Pretty, simple things that existed just to be pretty, like flowers and satin on girls.”
I found particularly interesting, it really demonstrates the juxtaposition between what Sasuke needs and what he likes. By that I mean Sasuke needs to be a hard-as-nails son of a bitch to do his job well, but to be an actual person he needs a mindset that can deal with people: enter Saki-chan, who I think is simply a convenient cover to learn under until Sasuke can stand on his own feet again (not that I don’t adore Saki-chan, but it would be nice to see Sasuke himself being able to express those feelings without hiding in something else).
So, considering that, this line “Sasuke frowned at her for it. It was Saki's expression, that little disapproving frown. Saki's expression of 'oh, now look at what you did to your pretty hair, tut-tut.'”
Made the whole fic rather perfect for me, because everything is starting to blend together and hopefully he can come out as one whole person (who perhaps has a slight tendency towards flowery scents, but c’est la vie).
Moving on, I love the notion as Naruto as a mediator between the two of them, a slight nod towards his increasingly Hokage-like intuition and influence which gives me warm fuzzies all over. *grins*
And finally, this line “She was quiet so long that Sasuke gave her a look, and it was a new look, a hopeless one that she had only ever seen on Naruto's face. Or maybe Gaara's once, when Temari was gone. Hopeless and lost. Like he didn't know which way was up anymore.” gave me goosebumps all over, first for the lovely description, second for the Gaara mention and then putting that look on his face and finally because I’m a hopeless idiot who simply loves lines like that *grins*
Anyway, apologies for the miniature rant and overly long review. I mainly just wanted to say that it is a wonderful fic and I much look forward to seeing any updates ^_^
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This is what makes the concept of Saki-chan really work: the idea that maybe Sasuke's using her to figure out how to start acting human. That maybe someday, he'll be able to throw out the dresses and the makeup (Naruto will be SO unhappy XD) and say, "Yes, I can do this on my own. Please accept me." And then the Team 7 OT3 will be complete. (*_*)
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*blinks* I did? How did that happen? ^_^ Never let it be said that un-thought-out rants don't work *grins*
This is what makes the concept of Saki-chan really work: the idea that maybe Sasuke's using her to figure out how to start acting human. That maybe someday, he'll be able to throw out the dresses and the makeup (Naruto will be SO unhappy XD) and say, "Yes, I can do this on my own. Please accept me." And then the Team 7 OT3 will be complete. (*_*)
Exactly! Now if someone could just write that fic... I wonder if Naruto could persuade him to keep the bitch boots? *laughs*
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Although seeing as yours fits the Crazy Jounin Hypothesis, it could be a more accurate guess. Arguably, Sasuke is already crazy enough on his own without becoming a transsexual to fit right in with the Jounin, but.... :D
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though, i cackle at the Mascara colors and Sakura colors thing. heeee.
She is an excellent writer and has it the nail on the head
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Erm...caught a typo, though since I'm guessing this un unbeta'd, I'm not surprised. But thought I'd throw it out there as a 'real comment.'
Now that that's over...eee! I love frustrated!Sakura and hesitant!Sasuke and the trusting and the anger/annoyance....
**huffs** I wish I could see it on her LJ...but I guess I can wait for you to post the tidbits.
Have I mentioned, by the way, that I must have missed the third "Sexy no Jutsu" part of the HP/Naruto crack when you first wrote it? I was recently re-reading everything on your site (I do that from time to time) and came across it...and actually fell of my chair - scared the dog when I did - because I was laughing so hard. Draco was so...gah.
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You missed it? I did post it here, didn't I? i'm not sure now. O_o;;;; will have to go check in my archives. (and, heh. :D it was very fun to write, muahahahahaha.)
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if her new found ambition and desperate desire to protect had never been awoken she might have had these things.
There should be a comma after "awoken." Or possibly even a semicolon, because all the if-statements are on one side of the implied "then."
I want to say that "awoken" is intransitive and that it should be "awakened," but a check of Webster's Collegiate Fifth Edition says that "awake" can also be used transitively.
"Newfound" looks a little odd as two words -- I'm more used to seeing one word or hyphenated -- but this may be a regional difference.
because Naruto's apartment is old and decrept,
decrepit
He gave her that wounded look he should have grown out of years ago, but still hasn't.
This sentence is correct as a standalone, but the story is told in past tense, so it should be "but still hadn't."
"You don't have anything like that." She gave him a hard look which made him not quite flinch. "I just ... wondered why."
The placement of the sentence in between makes it look as if Sakura is saying these two things. Break the paragraph when the subject of the action changes (from Sasuke saying something to Sakura doing something or vice versa).
Was the unspoken statement they both knew he would have said if he was anyone but Uchiha Sasuke,
Awkward, awkward, awkward.
If you want the sentence before that to be a standalone sentence, well and good, it works very well that way.
However, following it with a long sentence fragment with its own dependent clause is awkward.
Perhaps "They both knew that would have been his next sentence, had he been anyone but Uchiha Sasuke," or something like that. Or "He didn't say it aloud -- that would be too much to ask of Uchiha Sasuke, the uncommunicative asshole -- but the words echoed in both their heads nevertheless." There are several possibilities, and you are best able to decide which best suits this story.
Naruto also told her that she needed Sasuke to be Saki-chan sometimes and that started a whole new fight.
Comma after "sometimes" -- that's where you pause when saying that sentence.
I really like the two paragraphs after that, by the way.
making it stick up as is she had stuck a finger
as if
It was was Saki's expression,
If this is her thoughts stuttering, add punctuation. If it's a doubled word by accident, fix.
She tried pulled away
Can't stack past tenses like that, as someone's pointed out.
‘It wasn't fair, said that inner voice, that he could just come back like nothing had happened. It wasn't fair that Naruto had accepted him back without batting an eye.’
"Said that inner voice" is not part of the inner voice's dialogue: close the inverted commas before that clause and reopen them at "that he."
opened it up and showed it too her.
to
Because of your coloring black would be too extreme.
Comma after "coloring." Also after "brown" in the next sentence.
"Let me guess, you also
That comma should be a colon or a period: the "you also" clause is the guess she is making.
he said deceptively casual,
Either put a comma after "said" to make the "casual" a descriptive clause, or change the latter to "casually." The rest of the sentence is long and run-on; either break it into two or separate "after months of lectures by Naruto" by hyphens. Also:
she knows it cost him to offer that.
knew
probably for the first time since he returned to Hidden Leaf,
That should be a period, not a comma.
I love the way you have been describing their thoughts and actions, and the words in the last paragraph really sink home.
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However, his subtle offer to let her see the vulnerable side of him and let her get back in touch with the pretty things of her youth makes me purr. And the reminders of where Saki and Sasuke meet - very nicely done indeed. Your friend is shiny indeed! *loves on her*