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ficlety thing (naruto)
I could have been writing at Cloneness, or Heero's week, or even Teamwork proper. Nope, I end up writing pointless, useless fluff instead. *sigh* Ah well. Now i'm free to start on something else.
Don't like the last line all that much; i need something with a bit more punch. if you've got an idea, tell me?
Title: Teamwork: A Day In The Life Of
Fandom: Naruto
Series: Teamwork (TWT: you can read it whenever you want, no real spoilers)
Pairing(s): NaruSasuSaku
Genre: pointless fluff
Warnings: teh sweetness! Ouch, my teeth.
Naruto doesn't even remember what he did to provoke Sasuke this time. The result -- being tackled down on the grass, having the breath kissed/bitten/sucked out of him -- holds his interest much better than silly ponderings over the trigger to that. A lot of things trigger Sasuke into proving his manliness to him these days, since he started letting Naruto do him.
Naruto doesn't mind. That hard body rubbing aggressively against his own, these devouring kisses that leave him breathless and dazed -- he'd be a fool to mind.
There's a gasp behind them and Naruto looks up to see Sakura. A hand on her mouth, she gapes at them. They're putting on quite the show, he knows that; Sasuke straddling his hips and rubbing against him as he kisses his neck hungrily, Naruto sprawled under him as he ineffectually tries to struggle his way out of his clutches. It's a good thing the walls around their garden are high.
She doesn't gape for long. A few words, a quick hand movement, and -- "Suiton!" Sasuke freezes, hissing in shock and outrage, his bangs dripping water on Naruto's cheek. Naruto's a little wet, but not half as much as Sasuke, who drips merrily on the grass and Naruto's legs. Slowly, he turns, black eyes narrowed, and gives Sakura a predatory glare. She doesn't falter, or apologize, like she would have only a year ago. She lifts her chin proudly, and starts shaping more seals. It's a challenge. Sasuke, just like Naruto, can't resist a good challenge.
A second later, Naruto is abandoned on the wet grass, and Sakura shrieks as she's thrown across Sasuke's shoulders. Naruto watches them; Sasuke stomps so sexily, and Sakura, when flushed, always reminds him of all the good times he's had ravishing her.
Leisurely, Naruto gets up and follows, and watches with amusement as Sasuke throws her in the pond, and as her water clone shoves him in. He laughs as they surface, as Sasuke's head, covered with a water lily, as Sakura's squeal when a fish wriggles free of her top. He laughs even more as Sakura splashes water at Sasuke's face to cover her escape, as Sasuke jumps out of the pond, half the water sloshing out after him, and tackles her, pinning her down. They're both so wet Sasuke can't get a good grip, but in the end he manages to immobilize her, her legs around his waist, her wrists caught in one of his hands, pressed in the ground over her head -- and then he starts tickling her, a sadistic smirk on his lips.
Sakura's skirt is riding up her thighs as she kicks desperately, breathless from laughing so hard. Sasuke's shirt and pants stick to his skin, only allowing tantalizing glimpses of wet flesh here and there. Naruto watches. Because they're so hot, because they both belong to him.
And then he goes and winds his arms around Sasuke's waist, because Sakura begs for help so nicely, and he lifts him off their girl. She squirms free, manages to pull one of her arms out of Sasuke's grasp -- and immediately counterattacks.
Sasuke is not ticklish -- or if he is, he's smart enough not to show it. Naruto knows what makes him twist and jump on his lap, what makes him gasp and bite his lip, what makes him growl, "Sakura, stop!!" in an exasperated voice that's the Uchiha version of pleading. She doesn't. She pushes him back against Naruto's chest, and continues her assault on his ribs and sides and stomach, green eyes shining in grim triumph.
"That will teach you," she says, flushed but determined not to give, "to start molesting without me."
Sasuke doesn't reply. Naruto assumes he is sufficiently cowed -- that or trying not to moan.
"And here I thought," he answers, because he's the only one of the two men who can still talk, "that you stopped us because you didn't want the neighbors to see us."
Sakura flushes guiltily and glances at the wall. Her mouth is half-open, her wet hair sticks to her skin, her top is molded to her cleavage; she's utterly delicious. Naruto lets Sasuke go, and they both pounce. She shouldn't get distracted in the middle of a battle anyway.
Soon enough, no one cares about the neighbors anymore.
Later, they watch the sun set, lying in a pile on the grass. Naruto is on his back, Sasuke's head on his chest, Sakura cradled between them. The grass is muddy under them and they're streaked with dirt, even despite the three other dunks they've taken in the pond. No one really cares. They cuddle closer when the temperature drops with the light, Sasuke's hands rubbing Sakura's chilled skin, Naruto teasing Sasuke's neck with a blade of grass absently. He gets a punch in his thigh for his trouble, and chuckles. Sakura's wet hair tickles his stomach.
So maybe a lot of things trigger Sasuke's attacks these days. So maybe he baits Sasuke a bit much. So maybe Sakura knows their sensitive points too well. So what? If it means that Sasuke will want to prove he's a man, and Sakura will jump in, pretending that she wants to stop them, he doesn't see why he ever should.
But first, he'll give them a few minutes' rest. Grinning, he crosses his arms behind his head, and thinks up another innocent comment on Sasuke's virility.
I am such a LJ whore today. XD
Don't like the last line all that much; i need something with a bit more punch. if you've got an idea, tell me?
Title: Teamwork: A Day In The Life Of
Fandom: Naruto
Series: Teamwork (TWT: you can read it whenever you want, no real spoilers)
Pairing(s): NaruSasuSaku
Genre: pointless fluff
Warnings: teh sweetness! Ouch, my teeth.
Naruto doesn't even remember what he did to provoke Sasuke this time. The result -- being tackled down on the grass, having the breath kissed/bitten/sucked out of him -- holds his interest much better than silly ponderings over the trigger to that. A lot of things trigger Sasuke into proving his manliness to him these days, since he started letting Naruto do him.
Naruto doesn't mind. That hard body rubbing aggressively against his own, these devouring kisses that leave him breathless and dazed -- he'd be a fool to mind.
There's a gasp behind them and Naruto looks up to see Sakura. A hand on her mouth, she gapes at them. They're putting on quite the show, he knows that; Sasuke straddling his hips and rubbing against him as he kisses his neck hungrily, Naruto sprawled under him as he ineffectually tries to struggle his way out of his clutches. It's a good thing the walls around their garden are high.
She doesn't gape for long. A few words, a quick hand movement, and -- "Suiton!" Sasuke freezes, hissing in shock and outrage, his bangs dripping water on Naruto's cheek. Naruto's a little wet, but not half as much as Sasuke, who drips merrily on the grass and Naruto's legs. Slowly, he turns, black eyes narrowed, and gives Sakura a predatory glare. She doesn't falter, or apologize, like she would have only a year ago. She lifts her chin proudly, and starts shaping more seals. It's a challenge. Sasuke, just like Naruto, can't resist a good challenge.
A second later, Naruto is abandoned on the wet grass, and Sakura shrieks as she's thrown across Sasuke's shoulders. Naruto watches them; Sasuke stomps so sexily, and Sakura, when flushed, always reminds him of all the good times he's had ravishing her.
Leisurely, Naruto gets up and follows, and watches with amusement as Sasuke throws her in the pond, and as her water clone shoves him in. He laughs as they surface, as Sasuke's head, covered with a water lily, as Sakura's squeal when a fish wriggles free of her top. He laughs even more as Sakura splashes water at Sasuke's face to cover her escape, as Sasuke jumps out of the pond, half the water sloshing out after him, and tackles her, pinning her down. They're both so wet Sasuke can't get a good grip, but in the end he manages to immobilize her, her legs around his waist, her wrists caught in one of his hands, pressed in the ground over her head -- and then he starts tickling her, a sadistic smirk on his lips.
Sakura's skirt is riding up her thighs as she kicks desperately, breathless from laughing so hard. Sasuke's shirt and pants stick to his skin, only allowing tantalizing glimpses of wet flesh here and there. Naruto watches. Because they're so hot, because they both belong to him.
And then he goes and winds his arms around Sasuke's waist, because Sakura begs for help so nicely, and he lifts him off their girl. She squirms free, manages to pull one of her arms out of Sasuke's grasp -- and immediately counterattacks.
Sasuke is not ticklish -- or if he is, he's smart enough not to show it. Naruto knows what makes him twist and jump on his lap, what makes him gasp and bite his lip, what makes him growl, "Sakura, stop!!" in an exasperated voice that's the Uchiha version of pleading. She doesn't. She pushes him back against Naruto's chest, and continues her assault on his ribs and sides and stomach, green eyes shining in grim triumph.
"That will teach you," she says, flushed but determined not to give, "to start molesting without me."
Sasuke doesn't reply. Naruto assumes he is sufficiently cowed -- that or trying not to moan.
"And here I thought," he answers, because he's the only one of the two men who can still talk, "that you stopped us because you didn't want the neighbors to see us."
Sakura flushes guiltily and glances at the wall. Her mouth is half-open, her wet hair sticks to her skin, her top is molded to her cleavage; she's utterly delicious. Naruto lets Sasuke go, and they both pounce. She shouldn't get distracted in the middle of a battle anyway.
Soon enough, no one cares about the neighbors anymore.
Later, they watch the sun set, lying in a pile on the grass. Naruto is on his back, Sasuke's head on his chest, Sakura cradled between them. The grass is muddy under them and they're streaked with dirt, even despite the three other dunks they've taken in the pond. No one really cares. They cuddle closer when the temperature drops with the light, Sasuke's hands rubbing Sakura's chilled skin, Naruto teasing Sasuke's neck with a blade of grass absently. He gets a punch in his thigh for his trouble, and chuckles. Sakura's wet hair tickles his stomach.
So maybe a lot of things trigger Sasuke's attacks these days. So maybe he baits Sasuke a bit much. So maybe Sakura knows their sensitive points too well. So what? If it means that Sasuke will want to prove he's a man, and Sakura will jump in, pretending that she wants to stop them, he doesn't see why he ever should.
But first, he'll give them a few minutes' rest. Grinning, he crosses his arms behind his head, and thinks up another innocent comment on Sasuke's virility.
I am such a LJ whore today. XD
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And who could work on anything else when such as this is floating around and taunting?
Think I see what you mean with the last line, but can't think of anything better. Best of luck on that. ^_^
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Your current icon so totally fits the image that I have of Naruto by the end of this piece. XD He's so cavity-inducing cute that I want to ruffle his hair. ^______^
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As for the content... Nicely done, all of it. I liked the way you passed the time, especially. I don't think the last line was terribly weak, though; it was actually pretty good.
...
What, you expected me to just read and say "OMG ITS SO GR8 LOL WTF BBQ"? Nah. I'd be cruel to do that, because noone else seems to be offering much serious critique. And hey, I never improved in my own writing until I started RPing with people who were better than I, which provided a sort of critique all on its own, though I couldn't have gotten where I am today without listening to the people who actually sat down and told me straight-out what I was doing that could be done better.
Not that your writing's bad; it just has some things that can be improved upon. Everyone's does, most especially mine, sometimes. xDDD
<3333
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Oh, and a comment about one sentence that seemed a bit off to me: He laughs as they surface, as Sasuke's head, covered with a water lily, as Sakura's squeal when a fish wriggles free of her top. I think this might read better as: "He laughs as they surface, as Sasuke's head emerges, covered with a water lily, as Sakura squeals when a fish wriggles free from her top."
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Though I was kinda wondering "But... but... what about the baby!?! *cringe*"
There where a few words that shouldn't have been where they were. But nothing that took away too much from the actual story.
The last line seems a little off. Maybe something along the lines of "In the meantime, he'll just grin, cross his arms behind his head, and think up another innocent comment on Sasuke's virility." ? I know it's been used over and over again, but common phrases are common phrases because they work. At least, that's my opinion on the matter. ;) If you want something more original then I can't help you, but personally, I think it would end it a little better and leave it less... hanging.
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thanks for your comments, love ^__^
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ohhh, hm, you might be right. I shall ponder. thank you very much for your comments ^___^
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just remember to be gentle, i'm frail. I do need to learn to recognize awkward phrasing in english; sometimes I just can't tell.Your ramble about OOC in RP and fics did make sense, and I do think i'll ramble back -- but tomorrow, because it's almost five am here. ^-^; *cuddlepets* *goes to bed*
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so...pretty...
totally psyched to see this. :3 Soon enough, no one cares about the neighbors anymore. GREAT line! makes me wonder what could POSSIBLY distract them from prying eyes and minds like Sakura's mom. 9.9 hmmm....
*daydreams and loves on*
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Thanks, I needed that. *hugs*
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*loves* Sasuke is a manly man, yes he is. XD XD XD It's not his fault he whimpers and moans like a girl during sex, or that he likes it up the ass, or that he'd probably purr if Naruto bit his neck...
<3 <3 <3
very cute, lovely.
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*ronrone de plaisir*
bon, désolée, je ne sais pas faire de review constructive, donc je vais me contenter de couiner en disant que j'adoooore! iiik!
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I agree that something is wrong with this sentence: He laughs as they surface, as Sasuke's head, covered with a water lily, as Sakura's squeal when a fish wriggles free of her top. If you want to keep the pattern of Naruto laughing as things happen, you need to add verbs. Otherwise, change as to at.
I would go with the "meanwhile" suggestion
*scurries off to post chapter 10 of 'Apartment Manager' in payment*
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I feel all melty. I love that. XD
*blinks* With all the Teamwork fic you've been writing lately, getting me into my OT3 once more... I really need to upload some of the Team 7 icons I have saved somewhere. XDXDXD
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Ah yes. Timelines be damned.
And no problem. Tis a pleasure to read anything you put out. Anything I can do to make you write faster. [insert shameless little playful prod here]
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*loves on you*
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This is great, so sweet. :D