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Naruto funnies, again...
Wrote a bit more, am too tired to continue. bed now. beeeeed. *loves on everyone*
"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE HAVING SEX."
Naruto laughed. "No kidding. Hey, get off my chest, please. It's not that you don't have a gorgeous backside, you see, but I kinda can't breathe."
"You. And you." She pointed, slowly, to make sure. "Are having sex."
"Warn us when you're done freaking out," Sasuke muttered, glaring at her. His cheeks were red. It was weird and yet strangely fitting that she only ever saw him blush about things related to Naruto.
"I will. You're having sex. Sasuke-kun and Naruto are having sex. Together."
Naruto grinned. "Uh huh."
"Actual sex."
"Yeah. With penetration and all. And oral and coming all over each other and stuff."
Sakura's face caught on fire faster than a barrel of fuel under Katon, and she yelped and slapped her hands over her ears.
Sasuke's foot found Naruto's face. "Moron!! What are you going to tell her about next, your favorite positions?!"
"I was thinking of kinks and fantasies first, but that works too-- OWW!!"
Sasuke couldn't even talk for a few minutes. He seemed ready to explode. "You... You're really the king of ALL THINGS MORONIC! She doesn't need to know!!"
"Of course she does!!" Naruto shot back, glaring at Sasuke stubbornly. Sakura got the feeling that, despite being the center of their argument and still sitting on Naruto's stomach, they'd once again totally forgotten her existence.
"Why the hell would she?! It's not as if you want her to cheat on Lee with us! Or do you?" Sasuke asked, black eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"What? Cheat?! No!" Naruto glowered. "But if she's gonna end up carrying your baby -- you do know how babies are made, don't you?!"
"I only need her to carry it!!! If your tiny brain remembers it, I can handle the female part just fine, it's a male I need to have sex with!! And as far as I know, Sakura's not one!"
"Yeah, well, as far as I know, you're not a girl either, and yet..."
Sasuke groaned and kicked Naruto
"Stop making moron-sense, moron. You're tiring me out."
Sakura finally abandoned her muscly seat and got up, pushing Sasuke -- gorgeous Sasuke, so unfair -- away from Naruto, so he could get up. It was easier now to manhandle Sasuke, and she realized with surprise that she was actually just as tall as her teammate was. Taller, with her heels. /Hah, take that./
Though with legs like his, he hardly needed heels. Bastard. He just had to be better than anyone, even at stuff like that. Rrrgh.
"Time out. Rewind. EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME CLEARLY. Or I'll beat you two up, and then get Lee so he can beat you up."
Naruto opened his mouth.
"And I can make Lee get Gai-sensei to help."
Naruto closed his mouth.
"Good. Now, start again, from the beginning. Use small words. I need to make sure I understand everything."
"... I want a child. I need to be the, biologically speaking and shut up Naruto, the mother of that child. I need a real woman to bear the child for me. My chakra won't last three months, much less nine."
Sakura nodded, forcing herself to see it as a logical problem to be solved rather than as the most fucked up, mentally scarring situation she'd ever been involved in because of her teammates.
"Well... I can see where you're coming from, but... I haven't even had Lee's child. We're planning to... If I was unattached, it would be different, but -- I don't want my first child to... never be really mine. I want my first child to be Lee's child. And most probably, all my other ones. It would be too hard, on him and on me, to just carry a baby that I would have to relinquish all claims to."
"... you would see him all the time," Sasuke mumbled, not that convinced himself.
Sakura sighed softly, and touched his cheek. His skin was so soft, she allowed herself a second to be jealous of that perfect skin. She just knew he had never bothered with creams or moisturizer. She thanked God for making Sasuke a girl; it was much easier to say no to him that way. "I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun, honestly I am... but I'm afraid I can't do that for you."
Naruto gave her sad, abandoned, unloved, starved puppy eyes. She sighed, and bopped him over the head.
And then she had an idea. She pretended to herself that she was too nice to actually propose that, then reminded herself that Naruto was a brute and maybe forcing some grace and finesse onto him wouldn't be that bad.
Also, they were in love, weren't they? He could do that for Sasuke.
"Say, Naruto... You have much more stamina than Sasuke... Than anyone, really," she quickly amended at the dark look Sasuke sent her. "And you recover so fast."
Naruto puffed up. "Aha, yes! That's true."
"So you could hold onto a jutsu way longer than Sasuke could."
"Uh huh."
"Say, nine months?"
"Yeah, probably-- what?"
Naruto looked particularly stupid when his mouth was open that wide. Sakura pushed away Inner Sakura's desire to chortle evilly in his face. After all, it wasn't such a bad idea, was it?
Sasuke blinked, crossed his arms over his chest -- then crossed them under his chest, and pretended that he had not forgotten the presence of his boobs -- and looked down his nose at them both.
"Eh. No. I don't want to risk my children being infected with his stupid."
Naruto seemed not to know if he wanted to be insanely relieved or mortally insulted.
"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE HAVING SEX."
Naruto laughed. "No kidding. Hey, get off my chest, please. It's not that you don't have a gorgeous backside, you see, but I kinda can't breathe."
"You. And you." She pointed, slowly, to make sure. "Are having sex."
"Warn us when you're done freaking out," Sasuke muttered, glaring at her. His cheeks were red. It was weird and yet strangely fitting that she only ever saw him blush about things related to Naruto.
"I will. You're having sex. Sasuke-kun and Naruto are having sex. Together."
Naruto grinned. "Uh huh."
"Actual sex."
"Yeah. With penetration and all. And oral and coming all over each other and stuff."
Sakura's face caught on fire faster than a barrel of fuel under Katon, and she yelped and slapped her hands over her ears.
Sasuke's foot found Naruto's face. "Moron!! What are you going to tell her about next, your favorite positions?!"
"I was thinking of kinks and fantasies first, but that works too-- OWW!!"
Sasuke couldn't even talk for a few minutes. He seemed ready to explode. "You... You're really the king of ALL THINGS MORONIC! She doesn't need to know!!"
"Of course she does!!" Naruto shot back, glaring at Sasuke stubbornly. Sakura got the feeling that, despite being the center of their argument and still sitting on Naruto's stomach, they'd once again totally forgotten her existence.
"Why the hell would she?! It's not as if you want her to cheat on Lee with us! Or do you?" Sasuke asked, black eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"What? Cheat?! No!" Naruto glowered. "But if she's gonna end up carrying your baby -- you do know how babies are made, don't you?!"
"I only need her to carry it!!! If your tiny brain remembers it, I can handle the female part just fine, it's a male I need to have sex with!! And as far as I know, Sakura's not one!"
"Yeah, well, as far as I know, you're not a girl either, and yet..."
Sasuke groaned and kicked Naruto
"Stop making moron-sense, moron. You're tiring me out."
Sakura finally abandoned her muscly seat and got up, pushing Sasuke -- gorgeous Sasuke, so unfair -- away from Naruto, so he could get up. It was easier now to manhandle Sasuke, and she realized with surprise that she was actually just as tall as her teammate was. Taller, with her heels. /Hah, take that./
Though with legs like his, he hardly needed heels. Bastard. He just had to be better than anyone, even at stuff like that. Rrrgh.
"Time out. Rewind. EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME CLEARLY. Or I'll beat you two up, and then get Lee so he can beat you up."
Naruto opened his mouth.
"And I can make Lee get Gai-sensei to help."
Naruto closed his mouth.
"Good. Now, start again, from the beginning. Use small words. I need to make sure I understand everything."
"... I want a child. I need to be the, biologically speaking and shut up Naruto, the mother of that child. I need a real woman to bear the child for me. My chakra won't last three months, much less nine."
Sakura nodded, forcing herself to see it as a logical problem to be solved rather than as the most fucked up, mentally scarring situation she'd ever been involved in because of her teammates.
"Well... I can see where you're coming from, but... I haven't even had Lee's child. We're planning to... If I was unattached, it would be different, but -- I don't want my first child to... never be really mine. I want my first child to be Lee's child. And most probably, all my other ones. It would be too hard, on him and on me, to just carry a baby that I would have to relinquish all claims to."
"... you would see him all the time," Sasuke mumbled, not that convinced himself.
Sakura sighed softly, and touched his cheek. His skin was so soft, she allowed herself a second to be jealous of that perfect skin. She just knew he had never bothered with creams or moisturizer. She thanked God for making Sasuke a girl; it was much easier to say no to him that way. "I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun, honestly I am... but I'm afraid I can't do that for you."
Naruto gave her sad, abandoned, unloved, starved puppy eyes. She sighed, and bopped him over the head.
And then she had an idea. She pretended to herself that she was too nice to actually propose that, then reminded herself that Naruto was a brute and maybe forcing some grace and finesse onto him wouldn't be that bad.
Also, they were in love, weren't they? He could do that for Sasuke.
"Say, Naruto... You have much more stamina than Sasuke... Than anyone, really," she quickly amended at the dark look Sasuke sent her. "And you recover so fast."
Naruto puffed up. "Aha, yes! That's true."
"So you could hold onto a jutsu way longer than Sasuke could."
"Uh huh."
"Say, nine months?"
"Yeah, probably-- what?"
Naruto looked particularly stupid when his mouth was open that wide. Sakura pushed away Inner Sakura's desire to chortle evilly in his face. After all, it wasn't such a bad idea, was it?
Sasuke blinked, crossed his arms over his chest -- then crossed them under his chest, and pretended that he had not forgotten the presence of his boobs -- and looked down his nose at them both.
"Eh. No. I don't want to risk my children being infected with his stupid."
Naruto seemed not to know if he wanted to be insanely relieved or mortally insulted.
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Am glad that, considering Sakura's attachment to Lee, she said no. Because we love a Team 7 threesome, but if she's already dating Lee then it wouldn't work.
Madly funny fic.
~Sam
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These children with need serious SERIOUS therapy when they grow up. Is Daddy Mommy or is Poppa Momma today?
Talk about confused gender roles...... but it is so funny!!!
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You are so good, it's scary 0_0 haha...
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Why the hell do I keep reading Naruto fanfics when I haven't read the first thing about canon Naruto ?
I guess my only answer is because it's you writing ...
*scrambles off to deviant art to see furry pics and jutsu pics*
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I like these bits particularly: She thanked God for making Sasuke a girl; it was much easier to say no to him that way. and Naruto gave her sad, abandoned, unloved, starved puppy eyes. She sighed, and bopped him over the head.
That is Sakura exactly. *hugs Sakura, then goes back to watching the bizarre and fascinating train wreck that is Sasuke trying to bear a child*
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neway.... um.... 1 0WNZ j000!
ehem....
buh bye
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Much, much love.
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This is as hilarious as the first fic. A truly impressive feat, considering I'm fairly sure I actually fell off my chair while reading the first one because I was laughing so hard. I usually don't do that.
There's so much funny in this it's just not... funny. Only it is. It really, really is. And it's hot, too. This is like a feat of nature.
The funniest thing would be if you had Naruto be the father of Sasuke's baby, but the one to carry it. OMG, the craziness. The kid would be so confused. They'd both be the mother and the father, and that's... absolute crack. Really, it's funny just to come up with ideas to make this even more insane. I could do it forever... *delighted*
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This is at least as funny as the last one (and I thought that was hilarious, although I may have forgotten to comment. I am permanently backlogged.)
One thing -- Sasuke blinked, crossed his arms over his chest -- then crossed them under his chest, and pretended that he had not forgotten the presence of his boobs --
seemed a little off to me; when I cross my arms, they wind up in front of my breasts (well, the lower arm's sort-of-under-them, and my hands seem to fold around the sides. If I moved my arms a little, it'd look REALLY wrong). Of course, it might be different when you're less curvy -- I don't know how you calculate cup sizes there, but there's about a 17.8 cm difference between right under them and around them on me -- or I might somehow have never learned proper manners for an adult woman crossing her arms in front of her chest (but if I missed them, I bet anything Sasuke wouldn't have a clue).
That aside, I love this, and Naruto's utter inability to distinguish between friendly conversation and Way Too Much Information amuses me.