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BECAUSE I AM A REVIEW H0R.
by popular demand... Here's the start of the sequel to Best Laid Plans. ^___^;;;;; I'm still writing, so maybe i'll post more later tonight, but since I am a review whore of the worst kind... 9______9;;;
Title: Oft Awry
Author: Asuka Kureru, from one of Kineko's plotbunnies.
Fandom: Naruto
Sequel to Best Laid Plans
Pairing(s): NaruSasu, LeeSaku, various others
Genre: humor/smut
Warnings: Still het and yuri, and now some actual, physical yaoi thrown in. I'm still awful. Silliness.
"HEYYYY SAAAAKURA-CHAAAAAAAAN!!!"
It was hard to pretend not having heard the yell. Sakura straightened up, abandoning her laundry, and turned toward her hyperactive ex-teammate. Naruto was running full-tilt at her, barely slowing down when he vaulted over the fence. Shaking her head and smiling fondly, she waited for him to join her. Even at twenty, he was still as hyperactive as a kid.
Coming to a stop, he panted, hands on his knees, then looked up at her and grinned. He'd grown up into quite an attractive man, she noticed. /a hunk, you mean,/ Inner-Sakura added. Too bad they both preferred dark-haired people.
"Hello, Naruto. Did you want something?"
"Oh, yeah..." he grinned again, so carefree and innocent. She smiled back. It was hard not to. "Will you bear Sasuke's child?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Oi. Avoid hitting there, if you don't mind."
Sakura stopped in the middle of lifting her knee toward Naruto's groin, and let his collar slip out of her hands, whirling around to face the newcomer. The blond fell to the ground with a heavy thump, but he'd taken worse punishment before. She was more worried about the unknown young woman leaning against her fence.
Sakura glared, still angry about Naruto and miffed that the girl hadn't bothered to ask before invading her property. And also because the girl was more beautiful than Sakura could ever hope to be, and seemed to know it.
She wondered who she was, for a second, then was reminded of a rumor -- Ino had told her something about Chouji telling her something Hinata had gotten from Kiba that Naruto had a girlfriend. She hadn't really believed it, because Naruto, as hot as he'd become, was still hyperactive and thoughtless and annoying, and to nail a dead sexy woman like she'd heard the woman supposedly was, you needed a minimum of sophistication. She had been sure that even if the bottom of the story was true, the rest was all rumors. Now she was reviewing her opinion.
"I didn't know he had the use of these parts, sorry," she replied, a bit snidely. She didn't like Naruto that way, but he was still one of her teammates, one of her boys, and she tended to be possessive when she felt threatened. Right now, she was. From the way the dark-haired woman stood, she was powerful and deadly on top of being gorgeous. Life was unfair.
The unknown girl snorted, tossing her hair back behind her shoulders. "I assure you, the development is pretty recent." She then strolled closer casually -- Sakura kept eyeing her warily, she moved more like a predator than anything else -- and kicked Naruto's side.
"Get up, moron."
Sakura blinked. That tone, that... nickname... No, it couldn't be.
"Oww. Bastard."
Naruto's reply cinched it.
"SASUKE-KUN?!?"
She could see it, now; the embarrassed, sulky glare sent her way was pure Sasuke. /Figures the bastard would be a prettier girl than us./
She gaped, for a whole minute. Then Sasuke glowered at her, asking what she found so funny, and Naruto snickered and leered -- and then Sakura remembered the rumor.
"AAHHH!!!!! NARUTO!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO SASUKE-KUN?!?"
Naruto whimpered, rubbing his head, and glared up at her. "What makes you think I did anything?"
She pointed at Sasuke's chest, her hands shaking in anger. "HE'S A GIRL!! If that's not your fault, I don't know what is!! Who else does such stupid stuff?"
"I'll have you know it's a great jutsu!!"
"It's PERVERTED!! It's -- it's -- Sasuke-kun, are you okay?"
The young man -- well, young woman for now -- was a suspicious shade of pink that was decidedly unnatural for his pale skin.
"You could try screeching louder," he growled, "I think they didn't hear you toward the East wall."
She winced. "Sorry... I just -- why are you a girl anyway? And -- and what was that stuff about Naruto asking me to bear your child?"
Sasuke had longer legs as a woman, as she could see when one of them unfolded gracefully to kick Naruto in the head.
"OW! What the hell?!"
"Moron! You --"
Inner Sakura snickered when Sasuke realized he'd been screeching like a harpy and fell silent, looking even more embarrassed than before.
"... Right, so. Could either of you explain? Preferably not Naruto," she added quickly.
Naruto pouted and opened his mouth, but Sasuke glared him into submission.
"Well. It's. It's."
It was the first time in her life that Sakura could hear Uchiha Sasuke stammering.
"You know I've been thinking about... My duty to the Uchiha clan."
She nodded. Of course she knew. For a while, she'd dreamed of standing at his side while they rebuilt the clan's honor together and raised many strong and proud children with his looks and her smarts. She'd also dreamed of sunsets and flowers and declarations on bended knee. A good thing she'd given up. Sasuke was never going to be romantic and tender, not even in private. He was also totally unable to take notice of anyone who didn't have the ability to kick his ass.
"The Uchiha clan is a matrilineal clan."
She blinked. Once. Twice.
"Oh."
There wasn't anything more to say, really. There just was to stand there and absorb it.
Vaguely, she heard Naruto comment that it figured she didn't even need to ask about the big words, and Sasuke snapping back that not everyone was a fluff-brained moron.
"OH. Oh, crap. You mean-- you're going to be a woman from now on? Oh, Sasuke!" she exclaimed, giving him a sympathetic look.
"What? No! It's just for a little while."
She shuddered in understanding. He was so self-sacrificing, really -- nine months as a pregnant woman... That would be enough to break more than one man.
"Oh, Sasuke..."
"Ohhhhhh, Sasukeeee..." Naruto imitated from the ground, his tone as simpering as possible. Sakura stomped on his hand.
"It's just -- that is. I need a surrogate mother."
Sakura blinked. Sasuke's expression was still as cold and proud as ever, but his hand betrayed him. It was rubbing his belly nervously -- she wasn't sure he'd even noticed.
"A... surrogate? But -- I mean..." she gestured at him, at his chest -- waist -- legs /bloody unfair, dammit/, confused.
"Oh, this body is --" cough-- "perfectly functional."
From his position sprawled on the ground, Naruto snickered. She gave the both of them a suspicious look.
"But the thing is, maintaining this shape is using up chakra. Not a lot, and I can keep it up for a month or two in one go, but not much longer."
"... So you need to find someone to carry the child for you," she finished, finally understanding. "Is that linked to the reason why you're a woman right now?"
He blushed and looked away, scowling. It had always been endearing when Sasuke scowled, but right now it was more... adorable. Sexy. She allowed herself a second to hate him.
"Well, yeah. The old hag -- OW! I mean, Tsunade said his body had to start a cycle. Meaning we're probably gonna deal with PMS-Sasuke-chan at some point," he added, eyeing the brunette warily.
Sakura noticed with a little sigh that Sasuke threw kunai just as well in any of his shapes. It must be good to be a genius. She knew that the change in muscle tone and bone length would have unsettled her, but he was just as precise as always, as the wild-eyed look in Naruto's eyes attested. She shook her head and pulled the weapons free, letting Naruto down from the wooden wall of her house.
"Do. Not. Call me that. EVER."
Naruto smirked. "What, Sasuke-chaaaan? It's not as if I can call you Sasuke-kun right now..."
And then he leered and gave Sasuke's chest a look Sakura would have recognized everywhere. It had been turned her way a few times as a teenager, and she'd seen his mentor use it far too many times to count. As always, the response was instantaneous.
"PERVERT!!!"
The fence shook as Naruto crashed into it. Sakura seethed, ready to deliver another punch if needed.
"Oi, Sakura, I already told you not to damage him."
Sasuke was frowning at her, hands on his hips. He was aiming for stern, annoyed maybe, but he was only getting to provocatively seductive. Damn his perfect body.
"But...!" she protested, gesturing toward Naruto, wanting to make him understand the depths of the blond man's perversion.
Sasuke only arched an eyebrow, in a clear 'yeah, and so what?' attitude. Sakura spluttered, refusing for a second to believe that he knew what she was talking about.
And then she remembered the bits and pieces of the rumor that she'd heard from Ino.
If one believed Kiba's wild tales of a virgin, half-feral sex goddess -- Kiba didn't seem to see any contradiction between the claim of virginity and the alleged libido and total lack of any shyness -- Naruto and his unknown girlfriend had apparently had very kinky sex.
Sasuke's wrists and his throat were faintly bruised.
Sasuke actually cared about the state of Naruto's crotch.
Oh god.
"Ack! Sakura!!"
Naruto squirmed under her, huffing and puffing, and she absently gave him a slap over the head for insinuating that she was fat.
"Sakura... sittin' on my stomach... urgh..."
As if she could hurt him by fainting on top of him. Idiot.
/We're not really fainted right now, are we?/
'Well, we should be,' she groused back, finally snapping out of her shocked state. Maybe all the antics and trials they'd put her through had finally desensitized her. A little. After all, she'd seen their first kiss.
/Shoulda guessed right from the start./
'Yes,' she agreed with her Inner as she stared up at Sasuke and absently pushed Naruto's head down with her fist. 'What with all the saving each other and beating each other up and teasing each other -- just like little boys pulling their crush's pigtails, really, and the risking their lives for each other and the being the only ones the other one truly listens to, I should have guessed that they would...'
And then it hit her.
"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE HAVING SEX."
Title: Oft Awry
Author: Asuka Kureru, from one of Kineko's plotbunnies.
Fandom: Naruto
Sequel to Best Laid Plans
Pairing(s): NaruSasu, LeeSaku, various others
Genre: humor/smut
Warnings: Still het and yuri, and now some actual, physical yaoi thrown in. I'm still awful. Silliness.
"HEYYYY SAAAAKURA-CHAAAAAAAAN!!!"
It was hard to pretend not having heard the yell. Sakura straightened up, abandoning her laundry, and turned toward her hyperactive ex-teammate. Naruto was running full-tilt at her, barely slowing down when he vaulted over the fence. Shaking her head and smiling fondly, she waited for him to join her. Even at twenty, he was still as hyperactive as a kid.
Coming to a stop, he panted, hands on his knees, then looked up at her and grinned. He'd grown up into quite an attractive man, she noticed. /a hunk, you mean,/ Inner-Sakura added. Too bad they both preferred dark-haired people.
"Hello, Naruto. Did you want something?"
"Oh, yeah..." he grinned again, so carefree and innocent. She smiled back. It was hard not to. "Will you bear Sasuke's child?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Oi. Avoid hitting there, if you don't mind."
Sakura stopped in the middle of lifting her knee toward Naruto's groin, and let his collar slip out of her hands, whirling around to face the newcomer. The blond fell to the ground with a heavy thump, but he'd taken worse punishment before. She was more worried about the unknown young woman leaning against her fence.
Sakura glared, still angry about Naruto and miffed that the girl hadn't bothered to ask before invading her property. And also because the girl was more beautiful than Sakura could ever hope to be, and seemed to know it.
She wondered who she was, for a second, then was reminded of a rumor -- Ino had told her something about Chouji telling her something Hinata had gotten from Kiba that Naruto had a girlfriend. She hadn't really believed it, because Naruto, as hot as he'd become, was still hyperactive and thoughtless and annoying, and to nail a dead sexy woman like she'd heard the woman supposedly was, you needed a minimum of sophistication. She had been sure that even if the bottom of the story was true, the rest was all rumors. Now she was reviewing her opinion.
"I didn't know he had the use of these parts, sorry," she replied, a bit snidely. She didn't like Naruto that way, but he was still one of her teammates, one of her boys, and she tended to be possessive when she felt threatened. Right now, she was. From the way the dark-haired woman stood, she was powerful and deadly on top of being gorgeous. Life was unfair.
The unknown girl snorted, tossing her hair back behind her shoulders. "I assure you, the development is pretty recent." She then strolled closer casually -- Sakura kept eyeing her warily, she moved more like a predator than anything else -- and kicked Naruto's side.
"Get up, moron."
Sakura blinked. That tone, that... nickname... No, it couldn't be.
"Oww. Bastard."
Naruto's reply cinched it.
"SASUKE-KUN?!?"
She could see it, now; the embarrassed, sulky glare sent her way was pure Sasuke. /Figures the bastard would be a prettier girl than us./
She gaped, for a whole minute. Then Sasuke glowered at her, asking what she found so funny, and Naruto snickered and leered -- and then Sakura remembered the rumor.
"AAHHH!!!!! NARUTO!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO SASUKE-KUN?!?"
Naruto whimpered, rubbing his head, and glared up at her. "What makes you think I did anything?"
She pointed at Sasuke's chest, her hands shaking in anger. "HE'S A GIRL!! If that's not your fault, I don't know what is!! Who else does such stupid stuff?"
"I'll have you know it's a great jutsu!!"
"It's PERVERTED!! It's -- it's -- Sasuke-kun, are you okay?"
The young man -- well, young woman for now -- was a suspicious shade of pink that was decidedly unnatural for his pale skin.
"You could try screeching louder," he growled, "I think they didn't hear you toward the East wall."
She winced. "Sorry... I just -- why are you a girl anyway? And -- and what was that stuff about Naruto asking me to bear your child?"
Sasuke had longer legs as a woman, as she could see when one of them unfolded gracefully to kick Naruto in the head.
"OW! What the hell?!"
"Moron! You --"
Inner Sakura snickered when Sasuke realized he'd been screeching like a harpy and fell silent, looking even more embarrassed than before.
"... Right, so. Could either of you explain? Preferably not Naruto," she added quickly.
Naruto pouted and opened his mouth, but Sasuke glared him into submission.
"Well. It's. It's."
It was the first time in her life that Sakura could hear Uchiha Sasuke stammering.
"You know I've been thinking about... My duty to the Uchiha clan."
She nodded. Of course she knew. For a while, she'd dreamed of standing at his side while they rebuilt the clan's honor together and raised many strong and proud children with his looks and her smarts. She'd also dreamed of sunsets and flowers and declarations on bended knee. A good thing she'd given up. Sasuke was never going to be romantic and tender, not even in private. He was also totally unable to take notice of anyone who didn't have the ability to kick his ass.
"The Uchiha clan is a matrilineal clan."
She blinked. Once. Twice.
"Oh."
There wasn't anything more to say, really. There just was to stand there and absorb it.
Vaguely, she heard Naruto comment that it figured she didn't even need to ask about the big words, and Sasuke snapping back that not everyone was a fluff-brained moron.
"OH. Oh, crap. You mean-- you're going to be a woman from now on? Oh, Sasuke!" she exclaimed, giving him a sympathetic look.
"What? No! It's just for a little while."
She shuddered in understanding. He was so self-sacrificing, really -- nine months as a pregnant woman... That would be enough to break more than one man.
"Oh, Sasuke..."
"Ohhhhhh, Sasukeeee..." Naruto imitated from the ground, his tone as simpering as possible. Sakura stomped on his hand.
"It's just -- that is. I need a surrogate mother."
Sakura blinked. Sasuke's expression was still as cold and proud as ever, but his hand betrayed him. It was rubbing his belly nervously -- she wasn't sure he'd even noticed.
"A... surrogate? But -- I mean..." she gestured at him, at his chest -- waist -- legs /bloody unfair, dammit/, confused.
"Oh, this body is --" cough-- "perfectly functional."
From his position sprawled on the ground, Naruto snickered. She gave the both of them a suspicious look.
"But the thing is, maintaining this shape is using up chakra. Not a lot, and I can keep it up for a month or two in one go, but not much longer."
"... So you need to find someone to carry the child for you," she finished, finally understanding. "Is that linked to the reason why you're a woman right now?"
He blushed and looked away, scowling. It had always been endearing when Sasuke scowled, but right now it was more... adorable. Sexy. She allowed herself a second to hate him.
"Well, yeah. The old hag -- OW! I mean, Tsunade said his body had to start a cycle. Meaning we're probably gonna deal with PMS-Sasuke-chan at some point," he added, eyeing the brunette warily.
Sakura noticed with a little sigh that Sasuke threw kunai just as well in any of his shapes. It must be good to be a genius. She knew that the change in muscle tone and bone length would have unsettled her, but he was just as precise as always, as the wild-eyed look in Naruto's eyes attested. She shook her head and pulled the weapons free, letting Naruto down from the wooden wall of her house.
"Do. Not. Call me that. EVER."
Naruto smirked. "What, Sasuke-chaaaan? It's not as if I can call you Sasuke-kun right now..."
And then he leered and gave Sasuke's chest a look Sakura would have recognized everywhere. It had been turned her way a few times as a teenager, and she'd seen his mentor use it far too many times to count. As always, the response was instantaneous.
"PERVERT!!!"
The fence shook as Naruto crashed into it. Sakura seethed, ready to deliver another punch if needed.
"Oi, Sakura, I already told you not to damage him."
Sasuke was frowning at her, hands on his hips. He was aiming for stern, annoyed maybe, but he was only getting to provocatively seductive. Damn his perfect body.
"But...!" she protested, gesturing toward Naruto, wanting to make him understand the depths of the blond man's perversion.
Sasuke only arched an eyebrow, in a clear 'yeah, and so what?' attitude. Sakura spluttered, refusing for a second to believe that he knew what she was talking about.
And then she remembered the bits and pieces of the rumor that she'd heard from Ino.
If one believed Kiba's wild tales of a virgin, half-feral sex goddess -- Kiba didn't seem to see any contradiction between the claim of virginity and the alleged libido and total lack of any shyness -- Naruto and his unknown girlfriend had apparently had very kinky sex.
Sasuke's wrists and his throat were faintly bruised.
Sasuke actually cared about the state of Naruto's crotch.
Oh god.
"Ack! Sakura!!"
Naruto squirmed under her, huffing and puffing, and she absently gave him a slap over the head for insinuating that she was fat.
"Sakura... sittin' on my stomach... urgh..."
As if she could hurt him by fainting on top of him. Idiot.
/We're not really fainted right now, are we?/
'Well, we should be,' she groused back, finally snapping out of her shocked state. Maybe all the antics and trials they'd put her through had finally desensitized her. A little. After all, she'd seen their first kiss.
/Shoulda guessed right from the start./
'Yes,' she agreed with her Inner as she stared up at Sasuke and absently pushed Naruto's head down with her fist. 'What with all the saving each other and beating each other up and teasing each other -- just like little boys pulling their crush's pigtails, really, and the risking their lives for each other and the being the only ones the other one truly listens to, I should have guessed that they would...'
And then it hit her.
"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE HAVING SEX."
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The enlightenment of Sakura(s)! And her envy of Sasuke's body... oh my... *snickers*
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That's PERFECT.
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Best way to end a teaser EVER!
This was beautifully done by the way! The humour and the violence and the snarking at one another was just magnificent! More very soon please!
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The LAST LINE!
*dies* It is just perfect.
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sasuke's body is just that hawt, i guess. *jealous* <.
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*posts more sneakily*
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Ok, it's over. *luvs you!!!* haha...
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*can't say anymore because she's too busy laughing*
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Though I'm curious, how much time has passed since Best Laid Plans? I forget how old they were in that one. ^_^;
~Sam