Commenting mostly on the last section, since it's the new part to me:

Oh John, that is not the way to convince Karkat you haven't abducted him as a captive slave bride (or whatever the troll bad romance cliche equivalent is). *thwaps John* Also, I love the idea of weighted doilies as shuriken/crystal ball cozies. Also also, I really love how John relates to his dad; the sense of family and love and trust comes through so strongly. (Which is not to say that all the kids and gene-donor parents don't come off as family, just that this particular relationship feels even more solid than the other solid ties. I love Dadbert for creating it.)