Which is why your stuff is awesome cause a lot of people don't know that.
As far as long-distance relationships go. I've been in at least one for oh like six years at this point. Important things: everyone needs to be on the same page about the duration of the long-distance. Are people living apart until one of them can move after finishing school or something? Until one of them can move at a less definite time, but eventually? Would they even want to live close together? That changes a whole lot about the way the relationship works.
For example, when my wife graduated college before I did, I was actively sad. We worked very hard at seeing one another as often as we could afford, talked on the phone every few days, and knew exactly when we were going to move in together again. It was not how we wanted things to be, but it was survivable and we survived it. When my boyfriend moved for his dream job, we both knew that we would like to live in the same city again sometime, but neither of us knows when or how that will be possible. We see each other on a regular schedule and talk at regular intervals, and sometimes get longer chunks of time on vacations and things. This is the new normal and while we miss each other, this is not bad at all. My other boyfriend is married to a dear friend of mine, and they live in another country. I see him once a year or so and we email and talk when we feel like it. Nothing about that is ever going to change and everyone knew that going in; neither of us will ever rearrange our lives around the other one. (Doesn't mean I don't love him.)
And my girlfriend and I are looking at seeing each other every two-three months and are really annoyed about having to be long-distance at all, but we don't see an end to it, and it's sad and aggravating.
All of those were things each pair of us had to sit down and figure out.
So it's both important and a very specific to each separate relationship thing how long-term people are thinking the long-distance will be, because that helps determine patterns of contact. If long-distance is long-term, people tend to settle into a routine of seeing each other on a schedule and talking and/or IMing on a schedule and deciding who does what holidays where and so on (and of course different people wind up with different schedules, and some relationships are mostly over email and some over phone and some people do phone sex and some cybersex and some neither and my girlfriend and I do snail mail, who does that anymore, but that's how it worked out). If it's short-term or somebody doesn't want it, you wind up with a mad rush of trying to see each other all the time and be on the phone all the time and still somehow have a life. This *is not sustainable* long-term, something has to give.
So with Saguru, he'd probably wind up seeing his two guys with different frequencies, and using different ways of keeping in touch with each of them-- and it takes a while to work out a pattern, and right when people are falling for each other or have just noticed they're in love there's a patch of trying-to-be-around-each-other-all-the-time. So basically there'd be a period of total chaos at the start and then things would shake down to something everyone could do. ^_^
Sorry for the tl; dr and hope that's helpful/interesting.
no subject
Which is why your stuff is awesome cause a lot of people don't know that.
As far as long-distance relationships go. I've been in at least one for oh like six years at this point. Important things: everyone needs to be on the same page about the duration of the long-distance. Are people living apart until one of them can move after finishing school or something? Until one of them can move at a less definite time, but eventually? Would they even want to live close together? That changes a whole lot about the way the relationship works.
For example, when my wife graduated college before I did, I was actively sad. We worked very hard at seeing one another as often as we could afford, talked on the phone every few days, and knew exactly when we were going to move in together again. It was not how we wanted things to be, but it was survivable and we survived it. When my boyfriend moved for his dream job, we both knew that we would like to live in the same city again sometime, but neither of us knows when or how that will be possible. We see each other on a regular schedule and talk at regular intervals, and sometimes get longer chunks of time on vacations and things. This is the new normal and while we miss each other, this is not bad at all. My other boyfriend is married to a dear friend of mine, and they live in another country. I see him once a year or so and we email and talk when we feel like it. Nothing about that is ever going to change and everyone knew that going in; neither of us will ever rearrange our lives around the other one. (Doesn't mean I don't love him.)
And my girlfriend and I are looking at seeing each other every two-three months and are really annoyed about having to be long-distance at all, but we don't see an end to it, and it's sad and aggravating.
All of those were things each pair of us had to sit down and figure out.
So it's both important and a very specific to each separate relationship thing how long-term people are thinking the long-distance will be, because that helps determine patterns of contact. If long-distance is long-term, people tend to settle into a routine of seeing each other on a schedule and talking and/or IMing on a schedule and deciding who does what holidays where and so on (and of course different people wind up with different schedules, and some relationships are mostly over email and some over phone and some people do phone sex and some cybersex and some neither and my girlfriend and I do snail mail, who does that anymore, but that's how it worked out). If it's short-term or somebody doesn't want it, you wind up with a mad rush of trying to see each other all the time and be on the phone all the time and still somehow have a life. This *is not sustainable* long-term, something has to give.
So with Saguru, he'd probably wind up seeing his two guys with different frequencies, and using different ways of keeping in touch with each of them-- and it takes a while to work out a pattern, and right when people are falling for each other or have just noticed they're in love there's a patch of trying-to-be-around-each-other-all-the-time. So basically there'd be a period of total chaos at the start and then things would shake down to something everyone could do. ^_^
Sorry for the tl; dr and hope that's helpful/interesting.