ext_34187 ([identity profile] lurker-lost.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] askerian 2008-12-17 02:04 am (UTC)

"because she needs to make sure either them or Liadan hasn't contaminated the rest with previously unknown sicknesses"
---> Imprisoned Liadan is WIN. But you could this the other way too, I guess. Maybe Arun has a cold (or is sneezing a lot more than he should be anyway), and Krish and Arun want to make sure that Liadan hasn't caught it and that she doesn't go back and infect everybody else on the planet. Then Arun and Liadan would both be ship-bound.... Hey. What if they've confirmed that Liadan is sick (maybe from a disease that humans never succumb to these days because we're totally immune to it now), and her body can't deal with it properly because it's never encountered it before? Then we have hurt/comfort between Arun/Liadan, as well as Imprisoned!Frightened!Liadan. Just a thought. ;)

Also? I don't think the beginning is boring. Plenty of books have a "boring" beginning, but it's fine because everyone knows it's set up. And slice-of-life is nice. =)
If you wanna add action/conflict anyway though, I guess it can't hurt.

I approve of the not-chancely-meeting with pirates. ;)

"it bugs me that everyone else is on some other planet that wasn't even colonized -- what was so much more interesting on the moon base than on the planet"
---> How do you mean?

With your concerns about Krish, why don't you make her friends with Liadan? So although she's all for the Corp coming in to use these minerals that the mermaids aren't using, she's perfectly nice, maybe even compassionate (in a "stupid Arun, how did he even get her involved! Poor thing..." kind of way) to Liadan (who is confused at how readily Arun listens to her, and concludes that she must be an older cousin/mother figure. Or something, she reckons XDD).

And about what you want to call the planet: Arun could know it as some random number in a galaxy, and Liadan would know it as some corruption of earth/gaia or would just call it "the world". or "this land/sea" (as in, not the sky/of the heavens like the moons and sun). Or something.

Just a few ideas. ;)

And so you know, all the effort you put into Crossed Wires is appreciated. The fic is just that good. =)

I'm interested in the DBZ fic!!!

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