I can only imagine what Sakura and Sasuke would say and do to him. *>.<* And he's just so...so...I love him. Truly. <3
Also, I know everyone's saying it, but that comment? = *LOL* ;p
And, because I can't help myself:
…Jin replies with a soft, almost dangerous purr, as he stalks up to him and his kimono parts a little more with each step he takes. <- There are a lot of pronouns and commas going on there – I suggest: …Jin replies with a soft, almost dangerous, purr as he stalks up to Naruto, his kimono parting a little more with each step he takes.
Naruto whimpers and freezes at the glimpse of a flat chest, slender legs, a teasing curl of hairs on a flat belly. <- Stylistically perfect, but not grammatically so. *>.<* Could be: Naruto whimpers and freezes at the glimpse of a flat chest, slender legs, and teasing curl of hairs on a flat belly.
He's like the best of both worlds, a pretty face on a body as close to true androgyny as they come... <- He's like the best of both worlds: a pretty face on a body as close to true androgyny as they come...
Jin straddles Naruto's lap and his hands catch Naruto's wrists, prevents them from pushing him off. <- Jin straddles Naruto's lap and his hands catch Naruto's wrists, preventing them from pushing him off. [[OR]] Jin straddles Naruto's lap, his hands catch Naruto's wrists and prevents them from pushing him off.
Two seconds later he's been dumped out of the couch by three disgusted kunoichi, and there's no pretty boy on his lap, no long legs against his side and no breasts under his nose. <- Two seconds later he's been dumped off (of) the couch by three disgusted shinobi, and there's no pretty boy on his lap, no long legs against his side, and no breasts under his nose. [[OR]] Two seconds later he's been dumped off (of) the couch by two disgusted kunoichi, and there's no pretty boy on his lap, no long legs against his side, and no breasts under his nose.
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I can only imagine what Sakura and Sasuke would say and do to him. *>.<* And he's just so...so...I love him. Truly. <3
Also, I know everyone's saying it, but that comment? = *LOL* ;p
And, because I can't help myself:
…Jin replies with a soft, almost dangerous purr, as he stalks up to him and his kimono parts a little more with each step he takes. <- There are a lot of pronouns and commas going on there – I suggest: …Jin replies with a soft, almost dangerous, purr as he stalks up to Naruto, his kimono parting a little more with each step he takes.
Naruto whimpers and freezes at the glimpse of a flat chest, slender legs, a teasing curl of hairs on a flat belly. <- Stylistically perfect, but not grammatically so. *>.<* Could be: Naruto whimpers and freezes at the glimpse of a flat chest, slender legs, and teasing curl of hairs on a flat belly.
He's like the best of both worlds, a pretty face on a body as close to true androgyny as they come... <- He's like the best of both worlds: a pretty face on a body as close to true androgyny as they come...
Jin straddles Naruto's lap and his hands catch Naruto's wrists, prevents them from pushing him off. <- Jin straddles Naruto's lap and his hands catch Naruto's wrists, preventing them from pushing him off. [[OR]] Jin straddles Naruto's lap, his hands catch Naruto's wrists and prevents them from pushing him off.
Two seconds later he's been dumped out of the couch by three disgusted kunoichi, and there's no pretty boy on his lap, no long legs against his side and no breasts under his nose. <- Two seconds later he's been dumped off (of) the couch by three disgusted shinobi, and there's no pretty boy on his lap, no long legs against his side, and no breasts under his nose. [[OR]] Two seconds later he's been dumped off (of) the couch by two disgusted kunoichi, and there's no pretty boy on his lap, no long legs against his side, and no breasts under his nose.
And that’s that. *^.^*