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Teamwork 2 -- epilogue
Okay so.
yeah, I wrote the epilogue before I completed the main chapter. It's not my fault everything under the sun talks to me more than that stupid limelemonthing right now. XD
Not sure it actually works, whether it hints at what was going on behind the scene properly, blahblahblah. Also not betaed, fresh off the presses, please tell me if you catch grammar weirdnesses; Also it's Kakashi POV and I suck at Kakashi, please tell me if you find anywhere that sounds unKakashilike, pretty please.
But mostly. DOES IT SOUND BELIVABLE AND LIKELY. D: Because it's short enough and I could probably rewrite it. or find something else, if the scene is scrape-worthy.
thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
joisbishmyoga, sarolynne and phoenix_melody for letting me babble at them and suggesting things. XD
Playing cards in the dark was, no doubt, out of reach of most men. It wasn't even Kakashi's deck; he'd had to guess the code of bent edges and creases on the identical rectangles of cardboard from scratch. It had been an uphill battle, but he wasn't doing too badly now; Jiraiya nose wasn't keen enough to smell the ink, and Kakashi had taken to rubbing his fingers on his smoke bombs when he was handling clubs or spades.
Of course, the game was based as much on bluff as on sleight of hand, seeing as both of them had to trust in their belief that the cards they held were actually the ones they believed them to be. Or at least, had to move and sound like they trusted their belief enough that the other man would trust it, too.
Really, it was a game made for liars; the cards were almost an excuse.
Kakashi had won a blank scroll, and a sneak peek at the next Icha Icha book, and lost a box of mint pastilles, five kunai and a backup mask, when the barrier went up around the Uchiha district, locking them in. He went on to lose a length of razor wire and get back a shuriken and a toothbrush before the game was put on hold.
Outside of the abandoned garden shack, the night was a lot less dark; not so much because of the full moon, or the streetlamps of the village behind the walls -- but because three streets away, there was his brats' temporary house, with a cold, silvery glow streaming out of every single crack.
Kakashi glanced at Jiraiya, and ceded his claim to the only signpost close to the dojo. The windows were high and narrow, made more for aeration than for a look or a way out, and no house faced them directly. The vantage points were rare, and Kakashi knew better than to try sticking to the walls of the dojo itself. He waited on the nearest roof, his eye on Jiraiya's face. He could see the fluctuations of the chakra glow from the corner of his eye, but the best information on their progress he could get was the pinched look of the old sage's lips or his occasional approving nod.
They'd done the best they could to give his kids all information pertaining to their little attempt. But Kakashi had only been able to steal a glance at Sakura's part of the equations; and even if Sasuke's were also perfect... Well, there was a risk. There was always a risk, when doing such a seal alone.
He'd wanted to be there from the start, but Jiraiya hadn't approved. If something went wrong, it was better for them to come across as the teachers who hadn't known, but had managed to salvage the situation anyway, than as having aided and abetted such a risky gamble. They couldn't help the brats if they were all locked up in the same cell, after all.
So they waited.
Comparatively speaking, they didn't have to wait very long. Kakashi didn't even need to see the flash of alarm on Jiraiya's face; the sudden burst of gold-red was telling enough. He was breaking into the main house before he even heard the first tinkle of cracking glass. Red light filtered under the communication door between the house and the dojo. The walls trembled. He heard a dull, heavy impact, Sasuke's gasp; he rushed for the door.
A sigil flared at him, burning his fingers before he could catch the handle, and he was torn between admiration at his kids' healthy professional paranoia and despair that this might give them the few seconds Kyuubi needed to get totally out of control. They had redirected the excess energy from the sealing process to use as a power source for a barrier around the dojo.
It was a brilliant piece of work. If it didn't kill them, he would. He could see one of Jiraiya's huge frogs outside in the garden, kicking and kicking at the walls, and they didn't budge any.
He could feel the Kyuubi's chakra behind the door, huge and malevolent, seeping into everything.
"Sakura! Breathe, damn it -- breathe! Don't you dare-- Sakura!"
The Chidori was supposed to be used against physical targets; he had never tried to see what would happen if it hit a barrier. Likely enough, it would overload and end with an explosion. He started to shape the seals.
"Kakashi," Jiraiya snapped from the garden. He was sitting atop his frog, a scroll tucked between thumb and index as he shaped a hand seal. Kakashi waited, even when more glass broke, when the walls trembled again. He could barely hear Sasuke's voice over the crackle of red chakra. He strained to catch it anyway.
"--okay? You can do this. Listen to me. On three..."
... Good. Sasuke had kept his cool. Good boy. Don't panic. Keep in control. The demon chakra pulsed, once, twice; Kakashi waited for a sudden flare. Jiraiya was still working on taking down the barrier. It had only been two minutes; that was already two minutes too long.
The red chakra started to build up. And build up, and up, like an avalanche waiting to happen, reeking of old blood and rage and death. Kakashi had felt it before; he didn't stumble, didn't pull back and throw up, but the bile rose in his throat anyway.
"Naruto! What the hell are you doing?!"
He started to ready the Chidori again.
"Naruto, damn it, don't make me--"
The rising tension in the dojo suddenly petered out, leaving Kakashi reeling. He braced himself for a reflux, but while the decrease of the malevolent chakra slowed down, it never did go back up.
But it didn't disappear. Naruto's presence didn't disappear. Kakashi latched onto that, the hint of rambunctious chakra flickering behind that door. He didn't even want to think about what it would have done to Sasuke to be forced to put down his best friend.
The red light under the door died. Kakashi was still staring, trying to understand enough of their muffled mutterings to tell what was going on, when he heard Sakura laugh. He closed his eyes briefly, glanced at the old sage. Jiraiya's shoulders were sagging in relief.
Slowly, Kakashi moved away from the door, and slunk out of the window to join the man and his frog in the garden.
"Everything alright?"
Jiraiya nodded. "The sigils on the floor look correct to me. The new seal seems to have taken hold properly..."
"... Good."
Jiraiya slid down his frog's back to stand in the overgrown grass. "Even if the seal is imperfect, we should have at least a few hours, at best a week to fix it."
Kakashi shook his head ruefully. "Those brats are going to make me go gray early."
Jiraiya snorted at the poor joke, though it carried more agreement than mockery.
"I'll stay here to watch for trouble; you go and tell the ANBU to stand down."
Kakashi gave Jiraiya and his noble, responsible countenance a weary look. He could have bet the sage just didn't want to run the risk of having to deal with Tsunade-sama.
"Yes, yes..." he agreed tiredly, and went.
The Uchiha district's barrier was undoubtedly a great achievement, but, like any static defense, the lack of human casters to readjust to attacks gave it some vulnerabilities. Kakashi recognized an old barrier specialist, who looked like the ANBU had dragged him out of bed, at the head of the team prying away at one of the angles. Sasuke probably wouldn't appreciate seeing his barrier dismantled, especially since he didn't have the competences to build it back up, so Kakashi strolled that way first.
"Tachibana-san, hello!" he greeted cheerily from his roof.
The withered old man gave him a glare that would have stopped a whole platoon in their tracks, look that many of the jounins waiting on the opposing roofs echoed. Kakashi rubbed the back of his head guiltily, and waited as the commanders of two ANBU squads converged on him.
"Jiraiya-sama has the situation under control," he assured them before they could ask.
"What the hell is going on?" Crow mask demanded.
Kakashi shrugged noncommittally. "Where is Tsunade-sama?"
The set of Crow's shoulder indicated annoyance, but Bear stepped forward and he relaxed. Kakashi nodded amiably at the older female, who, despite the mask, managed to convey her "cut the bullshit" look just fine.
"Jiraiya-sama is inside the barrier?" she asked for confirmation.
Kakashi nodded, amused that his reputation for evasiveness and willful misunderstandings was still going strong. "Yes. He's standing guard no farther than fifteen feet away from Naruto. There's no need to break open the barrier now. Sasuke-kun will take it down as soon as possible."
She considered him in silence for a few seconds, then sighed briefly. "I suppose you can't tell us what happened yet."
"Sorry," Kakashi replied, almost sincerely.
"If you're trying to cover up for your students..."
Kakashi snorted softly. "Even with the barrier down, I don't see where they'd run to. If I'm covering for them, that's not going to do anything but delay the inevitable."
He was pretty sure they weren't convinced; but Bear signaled to one of her men anyway. Kakashi sat on his heels and waited for Tsunade's orders.
She came directly instead, with two Councilmen trailing after her; Aburame Shibi and that old woman who had been the Third's teammate and personal advisor, Koharu. Tsunade looked positively thunderous.
"Kakashi," she growled, and briefly he was glad for the barrier between them.
"...Tsunade-sama!" He laughed, somewhat nervously. She looked furious enough to punch right through the barrier. "Ah, you didn't get Jiraiya's message?"
The Hokage went from thunderous to apocalyptic. "What kind of message is --" She managed to stop herself before a critical meltdown; Kakashi wasn't sure how. The barrier-breakers and the ANBU were doing their best to pretend that they weren't listening. "... Yes. I got his message. Five minutes ago."
"Oh. ...Well." Kakashi sighed. Maybe it was part of Jiraiya's plan, but if so, Kakashi wasn't sure what sort of spin to put on it. "I'll go and fetch him, then, shall I?"
He was gone before she could stop him. Jiraiya and him had planned to stress to Tsunade that Team Seven had needed to try their own way to save Sakura. If not, Naruto and Sasuke would have eventually lost patience, grabbed Sakura, and skipped town. With Koharu around, though... The old woman already thought that Tsunade was way too personally attached to what amounted to a living weapon; she didn't need more ammunition to use against Naruto.
Kakashi didn't have enough pull to smooth out the whole incident, and his allegiance was already suspect as it was. Teachers were supposed to be fond of their students, but apparently not when the students were a traitor and a demon. Who would have known.
He had expected Jiraiya to be inside, checking on Sakura's seal; or perhaps on the brats to be outside... But Jiraiya was sitting on the gallery, an eminently amused air on his face, and entirely alone.
"Tsunade-sama is asking for you," Kakashi said first, just for the pleasure of watching that smugness falter a bit. "How do their seals check out?"
Jiraiya pushed himself up, looking amused once again. "I wouldn't know."
Kakashi arched his visible eyebrow. If the seals were stable now, they would hold on a little while longer, but still.
"I'll check later," Jiraiya added breezily. "It's going to take a while, and Tsunade will be very displeased if her explanation has to wait that long. You're welcome to check on them, of course; I took down the barrier around the dojo."
He walked away from the house, long ponytail swinging with his purposeful steps. Kakashi watched him go, trying to shake off the unpleasant thought that the man hadn't been entirely truthful.
When he stepped on the gallery and nudged open the door to the living room where his kids had made their bed, he got an unwelcome confirmation. Tsunade's displeasure was probably the last thing on Jiraiya's mind when he decided to push back the check-up.
Also, the kids weren't actually still in the dojo.
Kakashi pulled the door closed again, turned around, walked to the other end of the gallery in silence and sat down, wondering if there was a way other than head trauma to unsee what he'd seen. He had never really wanted to know that his students were bendy enough to do Volume 2, page 15. Really.
Annoying little brats.
He was really quite glad today wouldn't be the day he lost one of them.
yeah, I wrote the epilogue before I completed the main chapter. It's not my fault everything under the sun talks to me more than that stupid limelemonthing right now. XD
Not sure it actually works, whether it hints at what was going on behind the scene properly, blahblahblah. Also not betaed, fresh off the presses, please tell me if you catch grammar weirdnesses; Also it's Kakashi POV and I suck at Kakashi, please tell me if you find anywhere that sounds unKakashilike, pretty please.
But mostly. DOES IT SOUND BELIVABLE AND LIKELY. D: Because it's short enough and I could probably rewrite it. or find something else, if the scene is scrape-worthy.
thanks to
joisbishmyoga, sarolynne and phoenix_melody for letting me babble at them and suggesting things. XDPlaying cards in the dark was, no doubt, out of reach of most men. It wasn't even Kakashi's deck; he'd had to guess the code of bent edges and creases on the identical rectangles of cardboard from scratch. It had been an uphill battle, but he wasn't doing too badly now; Jiraiya nose wasn't keen enough to smell the ink, and Kakashi had taken to rubbing his fingers on his smoke bombs when he was handling clubs or spades.
Of course, the game was based as much on bluff as on sleight of hand, seeing as both of them had to trust in their belief that the cards they held were actually the ones they believed them to be. Or at least, had to move and sound like they trusted their belief enough that the other man would trust it, too.
Really, it was a game made for liars; the cards were almost an excuse.
Kakashi had won a blank scroll, and a sneak peek at the next Icha Icha book, and lost a box of mint pastilles, five kunai and a backup mask, when the barrier went up around the Uchiha district, locking them in. He went on to lose a length of razor wire and get back a shuriken and a toothbrush before the game was put on hold.
Outside of the abandoned garden shack, the night was a lot less dark; not so much because of the full moon, or the streetlamps of the village behind the walls -- but because three streets away, there was his brats' temporary house, with a cold, silvery glow streaming out of every single crack.
Kakashi glanced at Jiraiya, and ceded his claim to the only signpost close to the dojo. The windows were high and narrow, made more for aeration than for a look or a way out, and no house faced them directly. The vantage points were rare, and Kakashi knew better than to try sticking to the walls of the dojo itself. He waited on the nearest roof, his eye on Jiraiya's face. He could see the fluctuations of the chakra glow from the corner of his eye, but the best information on their progress he could get was the pinched look of the old sage's lips or his occasional approving nod.
They'd done the best they could to give his kids all information pertaining to their little attempt. But Kakashi had only been able to steal a glance at Sakura's part of the equations; and even if Sasuke's were also perfect... Well, there was a risk. There was always a risk, when doing such a seal alone.
He'd wanted to be there from the start, but Jiraiya hadn't approved. If something went wrong, it was better for them to come across as the teachers who hadn't known, but had managed to salvage the situation anyway, than as having aided and abetted such a risky gamble. They couldn't help the brats if they were all locked up in the same cell, after all.
So they waited.
Comparatively speaking, they didn't have to wait very long. Kakashi didn't even need to see the flash of alarm on Jiraiya's face; the sudden burst of gold-red was telling enough. He was breaking into the main house before he even heard the first tinkle of cracking glass. Red light filtered under the communication door between the house and the dojo. The walls trembled. He heard a dull, heavy impact, Sasuke's gasp; he rushed for the door.
A sigil flared at him, burning his fingers before he could catch the handle, and he was torn between admiration at his kids' healthy professional paranoia and despair that this might give them the few seconds Kyuubi needed to get totally out of control. They had redirected the excess energy from the sealing process to use as a power source for a barrier around the dojo.
It was a brilliant piece of work. If it didn't kill them, he would. He could see one of Jiraiya's huge frogs outside in the garden, kicking and kicking at the walls, and they didn't budge any.
He could feel the Kyuubi's chakra behind the door, huge and malevolent, seeping into everything.
"Sakura! Breathe, damn it -- breathe! Don't you dare-- Sakura!"
The Chidori was supposed to be used against physical targets; he had never tried to see what would happen if it hit a barrier. Likely enough, it would overload and end with an explosion. He started to shape the seals.
"Kakashi," Jiraiya snapped from the garden. He was sitting atop his frog, a scroll tucked between thumb and index as he shaped a hand seal. Kakashi waited, even when more glass broke, when the walls trembled again. He could barely hear Sasuke's voice over the crackle of red chakra. He strained to catch it anyway.
"--okay? You can do this. Listen to me. On three..."
... Good. Sasuke had kept his cool. Good boy. Don't panic. Keep in control. The demon chakra pulsed, once, twice; Kakashi waited for a sudden flare. Jiraiya was still working on taking down the barrier. It had only been two minutes; that was already two minutes too long.
The red chakra started to build up. And build up, and up, like an avalanche waiting to happen, reeking of old blood and rage and death. Kakashi had felt it before; he didn't stumble, didn't pull back and throw up, but the bile rose in his throat anyway.
"Naruto! What the hell are you doing?!"
He started to ready the Chidori again.
"Naruto, damn it, don't make me--"
The rising tension in the dojo suddenly petered out, leaving Kakashi reeling. He braced himself for a reflux, but while the decrease of the malevolent chakra slowed down, it never did go back up.
But it didn't disappear. Naruto's presence didn't disappear. Kakashi latched onto that, the hint of rambunctious chakra flickering behind that door. He didn't even want to think about what it would have done to Sasuke to be forced to put down his best friend.
The red light under the door died. Kakashi was still staring, trying to understand enough of their muffled mutterings to tell what was going on, when he heard Sakura laugh. He closed his eyes briefly, glanced at the old sage. Jiraiya's shoulders were sagging in relief.
Slowly, Kakashi moved away from the door, and slunk out of the window to join the man and his frog in the garden.
"Everything alright?"
Jiraiya nodded. "The sigils on the floor look correct to me. The new seal seems to have taken hold properly..."
"... Good."
Jiraiya slid down his frog's back to stand in the overgrown grass. "Even if the seal is imperfect, we should have at least a few hours, at best a week to fix it."
Kakashi shook his head ruefully. "Those brats are going to make me go gray early."
Jiraiya snorted at the poor joke, though it carried more agreement than mockery.
"I'll stay here to watch for trouble; you go and tell the ANBU to stand down."
Kakashi gave Jiraiya and his noble, responsible countenance a weary look. He could have bet the sage just didn't want to run the risk of having to deal with Tsunade-sama.
"Yes, yes..." he agreed tiredly, and went.
The Uchiha district's barrier was undoubtedly a great achievement, but, like any static defense, the lack of human casters to readjust to attacks gave it some vulnerabilities. Kakashi recognized an old barrier specialist, who looked like the ANBU had dragged him out of bed, at the head of the team prying away at one of the angles. Sasuke probably wouldn't appreciate seeing his barrier dismantled, especially since he didn't have the competences to build it back up, so Kakashi strolled that way first.
"Tachibana-san, hello!" he greeted cheerily from his roof.
The withered old man gave him a glare that would have stopped a whole platoon in their tracks, look that many of the jounins waiting on the opposing roofs echoed. Kakashi rubbed the back of his head guiltily, and waited as the commanders of two ANBU squads converged on him.
"Jiraiya-sama has the situation under control," he assured them before they could ask.
"What the hell is going on?" Crow mask demanded.
Kakashi shrugged noncommittally. "Where is Tsunade-sama?"
The set of Crow's shoulder indicated annoyance, but Bear stepped forward and he relaxed. Kakashi nodded amiably at the older female, who, despite the mask, managed to convey her "cut the bullshit" look just fine.
"Jiraiya-sama is inside the barrier?" she asked for confirmation.
Kakashi nodded, amused that his reputation for evasiveness and willful misunderstandings was still going strong. "Yes. He's standing guard no farther than fifteen feet away from Naruto. There's no need to break open the barrier now. Sasuke-kun will take it down as soon as possible."
She considered him in silence for a few seconds, then sighed briefly. "I suppose you can't tell us what happened yet."
"Sorry," Kakashi replied, almost sincerely.
"If you're trying to cover up for your students..."
Kakashi snorted softly. "Even with the barrier down, I don't see where they'd run to. If I'm covering for them, that's not going to do anything but delay the inevitable."
He was pretty sure they weren't convinced; but Bear signaled to one of her men anyway. Kakashi sat on his heels and waited for Tsunade's orders.
She came directly instead, with two Councilmen trailing after her; Aburame Shibi and that old woman who had been the Third's teammate and personal advisor, Koharu. Tsunade looked positively thunderous.
"Kakashi," she growled, and briefly he was glad for the barrier between them.
"...Tsunade-sama!" He laughed, somewhat nervously. She looked furious enough to punch right through the barrier. "Ah, you didn't get Jiraiya's message?"
The Hokage went from thunderous to apocalyptic. "What kind of message is --" She managed to stop herself before a critical meltdown; Kakashi wasn't sure how. The barrier-breakers and the ANBU were doing their best to pretend that they weren't listening. "... Yes. I got his message. Five minutes ago."
"Oh. ...Well." Kakashi sighed. Maybe it was part of Jiraiya's plan, but if so, Kakashi wasn't sure what sort of spin to put on it. "I'll go and fetch him, then, shall I?"
He was gone before she could stop him. Jiraiya and him had planned to stress to Tsunade that Team Seven had needed to try their own way to save Sakura. If not, Naruto and Sasuke would have eventually lost patience, grabbed Sakura, and skipped town. With Koharu around, though... The old woman already thought that Tsunade was way too personally attached to what amounted to a living weapon; she didn't need more ammunition to use against Naruto.
Kakashi didn't have enough pull to smooth out the whole incident, and his allegiance was already suspect as it was. Teachers were supposed to be fond of their students, but apparently not when the students were a traitor and a demon. Who would have known.
He had expected Jiraiya to be inside, checking on Sakura's seal; or perhaps on the brats to be outside... But Jiraiya was sitting on the gallery, an eminently amused air on his face, and entirely alone.
"Tsunade-sama is asking for you," Kakashi said first, just for the pleasure of watching that smugness falter a bit. "How do their seals check out?"
Jiraiya pushed himself up, looking amused once again. "I wouldn't know."
Kakashi arched his visible eyebrow. If the seals were stable now, they would hold on a little while longer, but still.
"I'll check later," Jiraiya added breezily. "It's going to take a while, and Tsunade will be very displeased if her explanation has to wait that long. You're welcome to check on them, of course; I took down the barrier around the dojo."
He walked away from the house, long ponytail swinging with his purposeful steps. Kakashi watched him go, trying to shake off the unpleasant thought that the man hadn't been entirely truthful.
When he stepped on the gallery and nudged open the door to the living room where his kids had made their bed, he got an unwelcome confirmation. Tsunade's displeasure was probably the last thing on Jiraiya's mind when he decided to push back the check-up.
Also, the kids weren't actually still in the dojo.
Kakashi pulled the door closed again, turned around, walked to the other end of the gallery in silence and sat down, wondering if there was a way other than head trauma to unsee what he'd seen. He had never really wanted to know that his students were bendy enough to do Volume 2, page 15. Really.
Annoying little brats.
He was really quite glad today wouldn't be the day he lost one of them.
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It should go well with what you already wrote, just maybe Sasuke should show some sign that he knew his barrier was being tested.
I can't wait to read from the beginning.
Your Kakashi seems good, the only way to change him is to make him a little more nonchalant but that might not be too appropriate for the situation.
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The only language thing I spotted was a verb tense -- and by the time I hit reply and scrolled up to copy the phrase you'd fixed it already (was vs were in ref to house).
Anyhow, I think you nailed Kakashi, between the laid-back-mischief and the responsible-underneath-it-all-dammit and the watching-people-react-to-him-and-having-too-much-fun-with-that... ^___^
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mmh, yeah, he's rather stressed out and I keep thinking that's not very kakashi-ish because he's always cool as a cucumber, but in that situation I can't tell. ;_; *sadness*
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*cuddlelovepets* Thanks, hon ^^
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The ending probably amuses me more than it should. Having Kakashi basically go "MY BRAIN! IT IS BROKE'D D:" Just kinda... XDDD *giggle* Not that I blame him at all, nope >_> Those're his kids.
*bounces* :D :D :D I'm happy now.
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You know u need to get someone to draw that page now, right?
;)
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"Tee hee. Bendy.."
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PART I
The entire card scene, what the lost and won, is just hilarious. *lol* I love it, truly. Very creative and funny and just…just awesome.
Playing cards in the dark was, no doubt, out of reach of most men. It wasn't even Kakashi's deck; he'd had to guess the code of bent edges and creases on the identical rectangles of cardboard from scratch. <- That’s just…sexy. *>.<* Seriously, who needs a lemon right now? The fact that Jiraiya and Kakashi and playing “blind poker” and there’s smelling and ninja-y things going on are just…*OMGSOHOTT*
It had been an uphill battle, but he wasn't doing too badly now; Jiraiya nose wasn't keen enough to smell the ink, and Kakashi had taken to rubbing his fingers on his smoke bombs when he was handling clubs or spades. <- You missed a possessive and I’d suggest a grammar thingy: It had been an uphill battle, but he wasn't doing too badly now: Jiraiya’s nose wasn't keen enough to smell the ink and Kakashi had taken to rubbing his fingers on his smoke bombs when he was handling clubs or spades.
Of course, the game was based as much on bluff as on sleight of hand, seeing as both of them had to trust in their belief that the cards they held were actually the ones they believed them to be. Or at least, had to move and sound like they trusted their belief enough that the other man would trust it, too. Really, it was a game made for liars; the cards were almost an excuse. <- I know, I know – if I post all the parts that are sexy and well-written I’d basically just be posting the entire thing back to you with a running commentary. *>.<* But, this…it’s just amazing. Like, maybe it’s my card-kink and genius-kink getting hit _hard_, but…really. *loves it* One thing: Or at least had to move and sound like they trusted their belief enough that the other man would trust it too. (The first comma is fine, but personally I think it stunts the flow of the sentence a bit…the second one separates the ‘too’ from the rest of the statement, which it shouldn’t. *Grammar-Dork whut??!?!*)
Outside of the abandoned garden shack, the night was a lot less dark <- I would remove the comma (Outside of the abandoned garden shack the night was a lot less dark) just for the flow of the sentence – but that’s me, and if you personally like it there (writer’s preference and whatnot) it’s not incorrect. *^.^*
He could see the fluctuations of the chakra glow from the corner of his eye, but the best information on their progress he could get was the pinched look of the old sage's lips or his occasional approving nod … They couldn't help the brats if they were all locked up in the same cell, after all. <-…*diez* So…so good. *loves on Asuka, really*
It was a brilliant piece of work. If it didn't kill them, he would. <- That’s so Kakashi. Actually, all of this was all very Kakshi to me. Granted, we don’t get many insights on Kakashi throughout Naruto [not like we do with Sasuke and Naruto and Sakura, etc.], but I definitely think he’d be running a constant stream of “I’m amused and annoyed and impressed and bored” in the back of his head. *lol* Also, Kakshi being all: “Good boy. Don't panic. Keep in control. I’ll kill you all later.” is WIN.
I love your speculation on the Chidori. Brilliant that. I do wonder what would happen. *hopes Kishi wonders too so he can show us ^_____^*
"Even if the seal is imperfect, we should have at least a few hours, at best a week to fix it." <- "Even if the seal is imperfect we should have at least a few hours, at best a week, to fix it." *Grammar Dork!*
Sasuke probably wouldn't appreciate seeing his barrier dismantled, especially since he didn't have the competences to build it back up, so Kakashi strolled that way first. <- Awe…*loves Kakashi*
PART II
Kakashi nodded, amused that his reputation for evasiveness and willful misunderstandings was still going strong. <- Oh, hell yes! *loves on Kakashi and his rep like whoa*
She considered him in silence for a few seconds, then sighed briefly. <- She considered him in silence for a few seconds, and then sighed briefly. [Or] She considered him in silence for a few seconds, before sighing briefly.
She looked furious enough to punch right through the barrier. … The Hokage went from thunderous to apocalyptic. … She managed to stop herself before a critical meltdown; Kakashi wasn't sure how. <- *dies laughing.* Oh wow. That’s awesome Asuka.
Jiraiya and him had planned to stress to Tsunade that Team Seven had needed to try their own way to save Sakura. <- *agrees* However: Jiraiya and he had planned to stress to Tsunade that Team Seven had needed to try their own way to save Sakura. *^.^*
If not, Naruto and Sasuke would have eventually lost patience, grabbed Sakura, and skipped town. <- True. *nods*
The old woman already thought that Tsunade was way too personally attached to what amounted to a living weapon; she didn't need more ammunition to use against Naruto. <- The only complaint I have with this is that…well, shinobi are all living weapons, you know? I can’t see anyone having a problem with Naruto for being a living weapon (aka a shinobi), but I can see them having an issue with him being “a walking time-bomb”, an “uncontrollable/unpredictable/unstable demon-container”, etc.
Teachers were supposed to be fond of their students, but apparently not when the students were a traitor and a demon. Who would have known. <- *loves Kakashi even more* Also, did you purposely not pose “Who would have known.” as a question (as in “it’s a statement not a question” or “it’s sarcasm”) or was that a typo? *isn’t sure*
He had expected Jiraiya to be inside, checking on Sakura's seal; or perhaps on the brats to be outside... But Jiraiya was sitting on the gallery, an eminently amused air on his face, and entirely alone. <- He had expected Jiraiya to be inside, checking on Sakura's seal; or perhaps for the brats to be outside... But Jiraiya was sitting on the gallery, an eminently amused look on his face, and entirely alone. [or] He had expected Jiraiya to be inside, checking on Sakura's seal; or perhaps for the brats to be outside... But Jiraiya was sitting on the gallery, an eminently amused air about him, and entirely alone.
Kakashi said first, just for the pleasure of watching that smugness falter a bit. <- *lol* yeah he would.
Kakashi pulled the door closed again, turned around, walked to the other end of the gallery in silence and sat down, wondering if there was a way other than head trauma to unsee what he'd seen. He had never really wanted to know that his students were bendy enough to do Volume 2, page 15. Really. Annoying little brats. He was really quite glad today wouldn't be the day he lost one of them. <- *OMGYESSOHOTTANDFUNNYLOLOMGLOL*
*ahem* … *LOL* Jiraiya is so mean. He would let Kakashi walk in on them, the jerk. *LOL* Anyway, like I said: I find Kakashi very amusing and sneaky and very much Kakashi; second that for Jiraiya. *lol* And I really, really want to know what were bendy enough to do Volume 2, page 15 means…really. *lol*
This is one amazing post Asuka. The most pleasant of surprises it is! *^_____^*
*loves on you and hopes you’ll forgive the Grammar dorkiness, kthanx, love*
Re: PART II
bwee!! *edit edit edit edit* Thank you so much for the help, lovely. ♥
The only complaint I have with this is that…well, shinobi are all living weapons, you know? I can’t see anyone having a problem with Naruto for being a living weapon (aka a shinobi), but I can see them having an issue with him being “a walking time-bomb”, an “uncontrollable/unpredictable/unstable demon-container”, etc.
...O.O Oh yeah. *editedit*
Also, did you purposely not pose “Who would have known.” as a question (as in “it’s a statement not a question” or “it’s sarcasm”) or was that a typo? *isn’t sure*
Sarcasm. Definitely sarcasm. XD
*rolls* *^_______________________^* Ohoho, thank you~
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♥
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o.o which?
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Re: PART II
*blushes* I'm a frickin' Geek and I know it. *loves words like whoa* I'm so happy my random and uncontrollable editing brings you joy, Asuka. ('Cause, really, it brings me joy too.) *loves you, really*
...O.O Oh yeah. *editedit* <- ...yeah. I know I'm a pain - I just hope I'm a useful pain. *>.<*
YAYZ SARCASM! *lol*
*rolls too!!!* You are very welcome. *>___________________<*
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I love the way Jiraya and Kakashi are protective of them too. "Okay... we'll sort of help. And pick up the pieces if it fails. :x"
Adjsafoewa you write them so ICly, I swear. *-----*
*tail wag* ♥
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Re: PART II
Yesyes, very useful, thank you. ^^ I can't see my beta very often these days, so I can't ask her little things like that as I write. *relies on the kindness of teh f-list* ;__; Now I just hope she'll be up to betaing my 60-page-long chapter. =____=;; (and that lenght is really ridiculous. Gnnh.)
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Kakashi's a hard character to read at times, but I think you did him justice. ^_^
Annoying little brats.
He was really quite glad today wouldn't be the day he lost one of them.
Absolute two favorite lines. =3 Definitely seems like something he'd say.
yeah, I wrote the epilogue before I completed the main chapter. It's not my fault everything under the sun talks to me more than that stupid limelemonthing right now. XD
Understandable for sure. Would someone -glares at her fanfics that have been gathering dust for an answer- like to explain why the line from Point A to Point B is so difficult to draw in terms of writing? x_x The beginning and ending are so much easier, but when it comes to the middle, you have to practically pin your brain to the wall and threaten to
messilydissect it before ideas start oozing out.Re: PART II
*^______^*
I iz da useful! *hehe*
The f-list lurves you, Asuka. Just as I'm sure your beta does. *huggles*
...Woman - I know you are not bemoaning a 60-page-long chapter. I would die of the awesomeness of such length. Your beta will have 'gasms, I'm sure. *is excited to read end results!*
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XD
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I want to see Volume 2, page 15.
This is delicious. Especially playing cards in the dark.
Also, possible correction:
Jiraiya nose wasn't keen enough to smell the ink, and Kakashi had taken to rubbing his fingers on his smoke bombs when he was handling clubs or spades.
I believe "Jiraiya nose" should be the possessive form: Jiraiya's nose
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Yeah. x__x There are some scenes that are vivid and awesome and then there's the rest... boring and dull and necessary, but man. boring. *petpetpet*
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I will edit! tomorrow. *lazy* XD;;;
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Thank you! I'm glad you liked it ^__^