can i just say i took a look at it i was going to struggle through the whole thing but i didn't really get past the first few line paragrapgh things, i shouldn't really say anything as i'm a pretty shit writer myself, but if i was betaing it i wouldn't know where to start, it would probably take several hours to get through, and when u end up sending the edit she probably wont learn from it, and will give you more of the same, only for you to try and piece it together in something that remotely regards a good fan fic, or u could just try to explain to her that her story line doesn't make sense and maybe she should try some original writing first (so basically she actually knows her characters) rather than taking a couple of characters from a story she thinks she knows well, and completly destroying them. (that might be a bit harsh but it's kind of true)
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