edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (0)
Elizabeth Culmer ([personal profile] edenfalling) wrote in [personal profile] askerian 2006-11-12 09:54 pm (UTC)

I like that idea, that Sasuke, who doesn't want to rely on anyone, does rely on Sakura for her intelligence. That shows a lot of trust on his part, and if you can't get romance, any emotional closeness is better than none. (I personally think trust is better than romance, but Sakura does seem to want people to tell her they care, instead of just showing it indirectly.)

I feel kind of awkward for Naruto, though -- on the one hand, this is what he wanted them to do, but on the other... he's left out. *pets him*

"And I would never trade the feeling I get when you know there's something beyond your ability to figure out and you just expect me to figure it out for you for anything."

This took me a few seconds to parse; it's not ungrammatical, just a little awkward. Maybe you could switch it to something like this: "And when you know there's something beyond your ability to figure out and you just expect me to figure it out for you -- I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything." That gets rid of the long split between 'trade' and 'for anything' in the original sentence. Or you could just try a comma between 'for you' and 'for anything,' which is still a little awkward but at least breaks the last phrase away from the long description of what causes Sakura's unnamed feeling.

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