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Solo ;___;
Solo-fic O_o
This fic is kinda (really) weird. I got inspired by the song Bring me to Life: it just fits so well with a Solo-POV from my necromancer-Duo fic, where Solo comes back as a zombie. (no this fic isn't translated... yet. I'll think about translating it when Garou's finished because the thing isn't only 120 pages long, it's 120 pages of Duo-POV and do you know how hard it is to translate slang? I'm not even sure half of it CAN be translated) I just got wondering what happened to Solo while Duo was going to the orphanage and then off colony. (solo's 14 in this fic)
Some people would think that dying after weeks of agony from an illness that literally rots your guts and eats at your lungs is the most horrible thing to suffer through. When you've felt that, not much can be worse, right?
And then they pat you on the head, content with their well-meaning advice and patronizing opinion.
I want to fuck those some people in the ass with a broken beer bottle.
You know what? there is worse than dying in pain. Way worse.
For example, you could die from all that. And then be brought back.
With your lungs still as rotten as before, might I add. And a need that eats at you and grows fatter and hungrier like a friggin rat in a carcass.
No, I don't mean that for real, you moron! If I got a live rat inside, I'd friggin dig it out with my knife.
Yes, that knife.
Yep, it's sharp. Ain't it a beaut?
What a wuss. That green color can't be healthy, yanno? And I know a lot 'bout unnatural skin colors. Jus'look at mine.
What the fuck d'you mean, "I thought you were just a junkie"? I'm not a fucking junkie. When you look at it right, you c'n see it ain't just white. It's fucking blue. There, look at my wrists. See? It's blue. And green in some places, but I'm not showing you these without you payin me a helluva lot more than two drinks.
I've taken some weed, sure, but I've never been stupid enough to try anything harder. That stuff can kill ya.
... I'll laugh hysterically if I want to, pal. It's not as if anyone's payin attention to me. See. No one's looking our way.
... Hey, be careful, I might get offended. ...It's just something I've noticed. No one seems to see me. Oh, well I mean if I step on their foot or stuff they'll notice, but they won't need long to forget me the second I'm out of their sight.
Why you can see me? Well, for one, you're drunk. I can guarantee that the second you wake up from your hangover I'll be nothing more than a drunken hallucination.
You'd think it was cool.
I don't.
Nah, people don't run into me in the street. It's more of they seem to be liking the other side of the street better. You know how the rich from L1 orL4 have eyes that seem to slide over dirt poor folks or beggars or dirty old prostitutes? Hell yeah, easier marks there ain't. Well it's the same way, 'xcept they don't even seem t'notice they're doing it. When I'm in a shop, I'd have to be waving a twenty in the shopkeeper's face for them to notice. Most of the time it's just easier to take what I want and just walk out. I don't even need to act as if I did nothing wrong, I'd have to look super-nervous to make them greedy bastards pay attention. That or kick down the stands maybe.
... Yeah, you'd think it's cool.
I don't.
Little kids with their moms are the only ones who see me. And street rats like me. But they always run before they can recognize me. I don't know why, but I feel dangerous to them. You never met a psychopath? One of those men who only come to the L2 slums in search for a prey no one'll miss. Well they run from me just that way. They didn't before...
Why I care to be recognized?
Drink that one, man.
Fuck you, drink and maybe I'll answer. Drink, I tell you!
... Good boy.
... I care... because the last conversation I had, it was three weeks ago with that shopkeeper when I kicked her stand down. I'd been lifting food from just behind her nose and she was glaring at that poor kiddo at the corner of the block who couldn't have been more than five! And up until when I got fed up, she _didn't_ _see_ _me_.
I was a gang leader, man! I got friends all over the place, and enemies and stuff. And little ones to take care of... but now—Well. I always had someone to talk to, or even just hang out with. And look at me. Honest. Look at my fucking smile.
It makes ya wanna punch me in th'mouth, right? Good. It's the goal.
I don't like being ignored.
Yes, it makes it easier to steal and get away clean. But...
... Why the hell do I need food and things for?
I'm dead, man.
...
Drink another one.
Of course it's fucking disgusting. It's brewed here. Folks call it Ball Shredder. Guaranteed to make ya drunker than th' lil' worm in the tequila bottle.
Yes, I know the worm is dead. Why'd you think I was comparing to it?
Now, why would you think that I'd make you drink to change the subject?
... Why do you want to know?
I'll stop playing with my knife if I fucking want to. Fuck you.
... Okay. Okay. They're dead. The last one died two months ago. Happy?
My kids are dead.
No I'm not crying, you retard! I'm Solo! I don't fucking CRY! I never cry. Never. Ain't nothing worth crying for. I'll die with a smirk on my face.
... besides, I can't cry anymore...
I just can't. Even if I wanted to--not that I do--but the tears just won't flow. Bah, my eyes aren't that much drier than before.
... No, they're not all dead. There were four of them left when I croaked.
Nelson was stupid. The dumbass kid! I thought I taught him better than that, the retard. He fucking ate food he FOUND. Stupid kid.
... If you ask me once more if I'm crying, I'll fucking stop waiting for the drink to shred yer balls off. I'll do it myself.
I don't give a shit if you think I'm looking like I do! I don't cry. I just don't.
... Rat poison. That's what happened. The little idiot...
Lily--pedophile. 'Nuff said.
I still don't know what happened to Curly. She doesn't wanna say. She doesn't say much anyway. Not like before. She was curly all the time, curly and bouncy.
Her hair's been hacked off.
I don't think she even really sees me, yanno. She stays where I put her and stares. Last week I stopped tryin to feed her. I was only getting her stinkier and easier for the rats to find. She can't get any deader anyway.
No, she's not just a corpse! I know she's in there.
... Because... Don't be stupid. We're dead. Of course our hearts don't beat.
I told ya, you'd have to pay me more than a few drinks to let ya put yer hands on me. I'm not a cheap whore.
... eh. When ya need money, yanno... Sometimes it's that or have the kids starve.
WAS that. Whatever. She's just not dead, I know it. Uh, well, I mean, not dead-dead. Like me.
She ain't rotting yet, that enough detail for ya? I'm not rotting either, by the way.
Not healing either. Fucking lungs. Good thing I don't need to breathe. Didja know I've kept on tryin to eat for two weeks before I dropped the habit? You'd think barfing blood and little bits of guts every time I swallowed something woulda been a clue. But then I wasn't right in the head at first.
Oh. Three months ago, I think. It was a little foggy when I ...woke up.
What? O'course not you ain't gonna find records! I was a street rat, what do you think? They don't give us nice burials in true soil and flowers like rich guys from L4. No, not even a police report. You don't think they would tire themselves out counting us, eh?
Idiot. How would I be here talking with you if I was cremated? They never found me. I was in the Dead zone.
Radioactive my ass. They just too lazy to repair and it's too close to the center to just throw away in the void of Space. And nothing's sealed off from street rats for long.
I just told you, there isn't a body to prod at, man. You just hit the paranoia stage or what? it's supposed to come earlier, no wonder a retard like you would get it ass backward.
I fucking slapp'd ya to prove you I'm not some stupid ghost. If you didn't feel it I can punch ya.
A polterwhat?
I don't have a clue what I am. I'm just a walking dead man in the truest sense of the word, pal.
... What the fuck do you mean, Post-traumatic whatever?
... I couldn't... deal.. with their deaths... so. So I KEPT their bodies? And IMAGINE that I'm DEAD?
...
So for you... the cold inside. The void. The... The LACK of . of MYSELF... It's madness? The fact that I haven't eaten or slept or taken a piss in WEEKS is madness?
The silence in my chest where my fucking heart should beat, it's MADNESS?!
I'm going to kill you.
STAY WHERE YOU ARE, YOU COWARD!!! I'LL FUCKING BASH YOUR SKULL IN!!! I'll... LEMME GO!! I'LL KILL HIM!!!
Ha! doesn't even hurt. Try again, bitch!
Come on, you drunkard!! Run!! She called the bouncers!!!
...heh. Hehehe. HAHAHA!!! Oh, gods. It's been ages since I last got in trouble.
It's been so long since I got into a fight, man. Thanks.
No, I'm not weird! I just... I like to fight. It's fun. Plus...
... she SAW me, man. she saw me. they all did.
Hey, you could have the courtesy of not barfing all over my feet when I'm revealing my most secret thoughts to you!
... Here, I'll help you. Stupid old drunkard.
... what a moment to remember that. No, I never told you what happened to the last kid.
No-name. I called him mini-me sometimes, he was always followin me around and tryin to be just like me. Sure they all loved me like a big bro, but him... It feels nice to know that someone admires ya, yanno. Even if it's a kid who don't know any better.
He... gods. Way to get me depressed again.
... No, he ain't dead.
I mean he's still alive just like you. I think. I didn't get to have a close look. But. somehow I know. He's still alive.
He's in an orphanage. Maxwell Church orphanage.
Sure, I'd like to take him away and get him back... but... He gotta have a nice future, right? Maybe he'll get adopted by stinking rich people and all. And I didn't raise a sissy. He's skinny as hell, but he can take on those other kids at the orphanage, no problem.
... oh, who am I kidding? I'm afraid he'll run from me like all the other kids.
I'm afraid he'll look at me with horror.
It will kill me if he does that.
Don't laugh. I'm serious. I'll die if he hates me. Like, dead-dead.
... heh. You're right. It doesn't sound so bad to get some rest, does it? But Solo ain't no quitter. And I can't die as long as he can need me. I'll stay... for him.
... even if he never really sees me.
What's that obsession you got with wanting t'see me cry? You gotta weird fetish or what? Ya better get ready to charge, man. Kinky shit's worth triple.
You know... I know you only listened to me because you were totally plastered, and tomorrow you won't even remember me, but...
... thank you.
I needed to feel like I was alive again.
Heh. Don't fall asleep on me, now. Get up, I'll get you back home. Where do you sleep?
Maybe I'll do other fics later. I feel like writing a Solo/sister Helen one. ^_____^
And yes you can ask questions ^^; Because I bet some of it is rather confusing ^^;;
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb
without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
This fic is kinda (really) weird. I got inspired by the song Bring me to Life: it just fits so well with a Solo-POV from my necromancer-Duo fic, where Solo comes back as a zombie. (no this fic isn't translated... yet. I'll think about translating it when Garou's finished because the thing isn't only 120 pages long, it's 120 pages of Duo-POV and do you know how hard it is to translate slang? I'm not even sure half of it CAN be translated) I just got wondering what happened to Solo while Duo was going to the orphanage and then off colony. (solo's 14 in this fic)
Some people would think that dying after weeks of agony from an illness that literally rots your guts and eats at your lungs is the most horrible thing to suffer through. When you've felt that, not much can be worse, right?
And then they pat you on the head, content with their well-meaning advice and patronizing opinion.
I want to fuck those some people in the ass with a broken beer bottle.
You know what? there is worse than dying in pain. Way worse.
For example, you could die from all that. And then be brought back.
With your lungs still as rotten as before, might I add. And a need that eats at you and grows fatter and hungrier like a friggin rat in a carcass.
No, I don't mean that for real, you moron! If I got a live rat inside, I'd friggin dig it out with my knife.
Yes, that knife.
Yep, it's sharp. Ain't it a beaut?
What a wuss. That green color can't be healthy, yanno? And I know a lot 'bout unnatural skin colors. Jus'look at mine.
What the fuck d'you mean, "I thought you were just a junkie"? I'm not a fucking junkie. When you look at it right, you c'n see it ain't just white. It's fucking blue. There, look at my wrists. See? It's blue. And green in some places, but I'm not showing you these without you payin me a helluva lot more than two drinks.
I've taken some weed, sure, but I've never been stupid enough to try anything harder. That stuff can kill ya.
... I'll laugh hysterically if I want to, pal. It's not as if anyone's payin attention to me. See. No one's looking our way.
... Hey, be careful, I might get offended. ...It's just something I've noticed. No one seems to see me. Oh, well I mean if I step on their foot or stuff they'll notice, but they won't need long to forget me the second I'm out of their sight.
Why you can see me? Well, for one, you're drunk. I can guarantee that the second you wake up from your hangover I'll be nothing more than a drunken hallucination.
You'd think it was cool.
I don't.
Nah, people don't run into me in the street. It's more of they seem to be liking the other side of the street better. You know how the rich from L1 orL4 have eyes that seem to slide over dirt poor folks or beggars or dirty old prostitutes? Hell yeah, easier marks there ain't. Well it's the same way, 'xcept they don't even seem t'notice they're doing it. When I'm in a shop, I'd have to be waving a twenty in the shopkeeper's face for them to notice. Most of the time it's just easier to take what I want and just walk out. I don't even need to act as if I did nothing wrong, I'd have to look super-nervous to make them greedy bastards pay attention. That or kick down the stands maybe.
... Yeah, you'd think it's cool.
I don't.
Little kids with their moms are the only ones who see me. And street rats like me. But they always run before they can recognize me. I don't know why, but I feel dangerous to them. You never met a psychopath? One of those men who only come to the L2 slums in search for a prey no one'll miss. Well they run from me just that way. They didn't before...
Why I care to be recognized?
Drink that one, man.
Fuck you, drink and maybe I'll answer. Drink, I tell you!
... Good boy.
... I care... because the last conversation I had, it was three weeks ago with that shopkeeper when I kicked her stand down. I'd been lifting food from just behind her nose and she was glaring at that poor kiddo at the corner of the block who couldn't have been more than five! And up until when I got fed up, she _didn't_ _see_ _me_.
I was a gang leader, man! I got friends all over the place, and enemies and stuff. And little ones to take care of... but now—Well. I always had someone to talk to, or even just hang out with. And look at me. Honest. Look at my fucking smile.
It makes ya wanna punch me in th'mouth, right? Good. It's the goal.
I don't like being ignored.
Yes, it makes it easier to steal and get away clean. But...
... Why the hell do I need food and things for?
I'm dead, man.
...
Drink another one.
Of course it's fucking disgusting. It's brewed here. Folks call it Ball Shredder. Guaranteed to make ya drunker than th' lil' worm in the tequila bottle.
Yes, I know the worm is dead. Why'd you think I was comparing to it?
Now, why would you think that I'd make you drink to change the subject?
... Why do you want to know?
I'll stop playing with my knife if I fucking want to. Fuck you.
... Okay. Okay. They're dead. The last one died two months ago. Happy?
My kids are dead.
No I'm not crying, you retard! I'm Solo! I don't fucking CRY! I never cry. Never. Ain't nothing worth crying for. I'll die with a smirk on my face.
... besides, I can't cry anymore...
I just can't. Even if I wanted to--not that I do--but the tears just won't flow. Bah, my eyes aren't that much drier than before.
... No, they're not all dead. There were four of them left when I croaked.
Nelson was stupid. The dumbass kid! I thought I taught him better than that, the retard. He fucking ate food he FOUND. Stupid kid.
... If you ask me once more if I'm crying, I'll fucking stop waiting for the drink to shred yer balls off. I'll do it myself.
I don't give a shit if you think I'm looking like I do! I don't cry. I just don't.
... Rat poison. That's what happened. The little idiot...
Lily--pedophile. 'Nuff said.
I still don't know what happened to Curly. She doesn't wanna say. She doesn't say much anyway. Not like before. She was curly all the time, curly and bouncy.
Her hair's been hacked off.
I don't think she even really sees me, yanno. She stays where I put her and stares. Last week I stopped tryin to feed her. I was only getting her stinkier and easier for the rats to find. She can't get any deader anyway.
No, she's not just a corpse! I know she's in there.
... Because... Don't be stupid. We're dead. Of course our hearts don't beat.
I told ya, you'd have to pay me more than a few drinks to let ya put yer hands on me. I'm not a cheap whore.
... eh. When ya need money, yanno... Sometimes it's that or have the kids starve.
WAS that. Whatever. She's just not dead, I know it. Uh, well, I mean, not dead-dead. Like me.
She ain't rotting yet, that enough detail for ya? I'm not rotting either, by the way.
Not healing either. Fucking lungs. Good thing I don't need to breathe. Didja know I've kept on tryin to eat for two weeks before I dropped the habit? You'd think barfing blood and little bits of guts every time I swallowed something woulda been a clue. But then I wasn't right in the head at first.
Oh. Three months ago, I think. It was a little foggy when I ...woke up.
What? O'course not you ain't gonna find records! I was a street rat, what do you think? They don't give us nice burials in true soil and flowers like rich guys from L4. No, not even a police report. You don't think they would tire themselves out counting us, eh?
Idiot. How would I be here talking with you if I was cremated? They never found me. I was in the Dead zone.
Radioactive my ass. They just too lazy to repair and it's too close to the center to just throw away in the void of Space. And nothing's sealed off from street rats for long.
I just told you, there isn't a body to prod at, man. You just hit the paranoia stage or what? it's supposed to come earlier, no wonder a retard like you would get it ass backward.
I fucking slapp'd ya to prove you I'm not some stupid ghost. If you didn't feel it I can punch ya.
A polterwhat?
I don't have a clue what I am. I'm just a walking dead man in the truest sense of the word, pal.
... What the fuck do you mean, Post-traumatic whatever?
... I couldn't... deal.. with their deaths... so. So I KEPT their bodies? And IMAGINE that I'm DEAD?
...
So for you... the cold inside. The void. The... The LACK of . of MYSELF... It's madness? The fact that I haven't eaten or slept or taken a piss in WEEKS is madness?
The silence in my chest where my fucking heart should beat, it's MADNESS?!
I'm going to kill you.
STAY WHERE YOU ARE, YOU COWARD!!! I'LL FUCKING BASH YOUR SKULL IN!!! I'll... LEMME GO!! I'LL KILL HIM!!!
Ha! doesn't even hurt. Try again, bitch!
Come on, you drunkard!! Run!! She called the bouncers!!!
...heh. Hehehe. HAHAHA!!! Oh, gods. It's been ages since I last got in trouble.
It's been so long since I got into a fight, man. Thanks.
No, I'm not weird! I just... I like to fight. It's fun. Plus...
... she SAW me, man. she saw me. they all did.
Hey, you could have the courtesy of not barfing all over my feet when I'm revealing my most secret thoughts to you!
... Here, I'll help you. Stupid old drunkard.
... what a moment to remember that. No, I never told you what happened to the last kid.
No-name. I called him mini-me sometimes, he was always followin me around and tryin to be just like me. Sure they all loved me like a big bro, but him... It feels nice to know that someone admires ya, yanno. Even if it's a kid who don't know any better.
He... gods. Way to get me depressed again.
... No, he ain't dead.
I mean he's still alive just like you. I think. I didn't get to have a close look. But. somehow I know. He's still alive.
He's in an orphanage. Maxwell Church orphanage.
Sure, I'd like to take him away and get him back... but... He gotta have a nice future, right? Maybe he'll get adopted by stinking rich people and all. And I didn't raise a sissy. He's skinny as hell, but he can take on those other kids at the orphanage, no problem.
... oh, who am I kidding? I'm afraid he'll run from me like all the other kids.
I'm afraid he'll look at me with horror.
It will kill me if he does that.
Don't laugh. I'm serious. I'll die if he hates me. Like, dead-dead.
... heh. You're right. It doesn't sound so bad to get some rest, does it? But Solo ain't no quitter. And I can't die as long as he can need me. I'll stay... for him.
... even if he never really sees me.
What's that obsession you got with wanting t'see me cry? You gotta weird fetish or what? Ya better get ready to charge, man. Kinky shit's worth triple.
You know... I know you only listened to me because you were totally plastered, and tomorrow you won't even remember me, but...
... thank you.
I needed to feel like I was alive again.
Heh. Don't fall asleep on me, now. Get up, I'll get you back home. Where do you sleep?
Maybe I'll do other fics later. I feel like writing a Solo/sister Helen one. ^_____^
And yes you can ask questions ^^; Because I bet some of it is rather confusing ^^;;
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb
without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
no subject
He's kind of green. O_o Maybe you ought to put him into the freezer.
At least until you have more of that necromancer fic out!
no subject
^__^ *mood swing* On the other had I love what you did so far and can't wait to see the Solo/Sister Helen.
no subject
no subject
no subject
*purrpurr*
no subject
The matter will be to translate the french slang into english slang. Because i wrote this fic in english first and then translated. ^^;
no subject
My mind has been going towards zombie Heero as of lately o_O;;