-- from the corner of his eye he watched Naruto fall again, belly like mincemeat, Kisame chuckle derisively. --Think this should be "chuckling"?
Held his sword in front of his face, and even if he was thrown back as well, the shockwave lost strength on his side and then he was charging again, well before Naruto had managed to reload. --I'm having trouble with the meaning of the "on his side" bit here; maybe reword? ("Against him?" Is that what you meant?)
It was huge, the biggest Rasengan Naruto had ever made and by far. It was red, and it didn't swirl so much like a ball twirled on a fingertip than like the eye of a storm. --"And by far" is ok, but don't really need the "and" there. And also: "than like the eye" should be "as like".
"Lay down on your fucking stretcher. Sakura too. If I have to..." --Should be "lie," not lay. (Love that line, btw.)
Part the 2nd, the specific loves:
Sasuke using wire to transfer the shock of the Chidori, sweeeeeeeet! Here is an excellent spot to write a recurring thought: You may hate writing fight scenes, but YOU IS A GENIUS AT IT!!!1!1!!
Kisame seemed aware of it; he was bringing his sword in a blocking position, smug smirk replaced by a vaguely put-upon expression. --Just love this. It's so...Kisame. (It's things like this that confirm my fondness for the big finny bastard...)
Gaara's arm felt weird under his hand, damp and grainy. --Gaara coated in soggy sand: again, this is just... You have such a genius for detail!
I meeped a C sharp (and I'm an alto) when Sasuke got stabbed.
Sasuke grabbing the necessary tokens off the jounin is. Just. PERFECT.
And your omake rules.
Part the 3rd, the general reaction: LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOMGOMGOMGOMGSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *hits pause, goes to the bathroom, comes back, drinks a little water* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BEWARE THE BIG FAT COMMENT--Muryx
-- from the corner of his eye he watched Naruto fall again, belly like mincemeat, Kisame chuckle derisively. --Think this should be "chuckling"?
Held his sword in front of his face, and even if he was thrown back as well, the shockwave lost strength on his side and then he was charging again, well before Naruto had managed to reload. --I'm having trouble with the meaning of the "on his side" bit here; maybe reword? ("Against him?" Is that what you meant?)
It was huge, the biggest Rasengan Naruto had ever made and by far. It was red, and it didn't swirl so much like a ball twirled on a fingertip than like the eye of a storm. --"And by far" is ok, but don't really need the "and" there. And also: "than like the eye" should be "as like".
"Lay down on your fucking stretcher. Sakura too. If I have to..."
--Should be "lie," not lay. (Love that line, btw.)
Part the 2nd, the specific loves:
Sasuke using wire to transfer the shock of the Chidori, sweeeeeeeet! Here is an excellent spot to write a recurring thought: You may hate writing fight scenes, but YOU IS A GENIUS AT IT!!!1!1!!
Kisame seemed aware of it; he was bringing his sword in a blocking position, smug smirk replaced by a vaguely put-upon expression. --Just love this. It's so...Kisame. (It's things like this that confirm my fondness for the big finny bastard...)
Gaara's arm felt weird under his hand, damp and grainy. --Gaara coated in soggy sand: again, this is just... You have such a genius for detail!
I meeped a C sharp (and I'm an alto) when Sasuke got stabbed.
Sasuke grabbing the necessary tokens off the jounin is. Just. PERFECT.
And your omake rules.
Part the 3rd, the general reaction: LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOMGOMGOMGOMGSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *hits pause, goes to the bathroom, comes back, drinks a little water* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH