Life and Times of Teh Asuka

When the patrol car arrives at the scene Karkat is still licking frosting off his fingers. He radiates smug; getting two cupcakes when he was promised one was apparently enough to distract him from his hatred of cars.

Also enough to comfort his feeling that Dave is a chump. But that's par for the course.( Read more... )

In the last week John had started collecting objects he could afford to see brutally destroyed. Not for Karkat's weirdo nest, but to throw over the foot of his bed and wake him up when he was in the middle of a nightmare, before morning-zombie Dave decided to stumble out of bed and wake the alien up his own special way. They did not have enough towels on the whole island to sponge up that much blood.

(John had made the mistake of lobbing his own pillow exactly once. Jake and Dirk were still finding bits and pieces of memory foam in their sheets four days later.)

( Read more... )

WHO WANTS NINETEEN PAGES OF SOLLUXNESS.

Last time I ever write that asshole. By the way. This thing was supposed to be a quick prologue to some other shit entirely and then he just kept babbling, and I don’t even think my grasp on him is all that good. Bluh.

This fic slots right during/after the first two Karkat and Signless-centric fics in the series, where they’ve just emerged into the new world, almost everyone is still in the cave, and over half of them are asleep.

Contains: Sollux <3< Roxy, Sollux <3 Feferi, Signless/Psii, the Life girls duking it out, and a chatlog.
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With half of everybody still asleep or so groggy they might as well be, Feferi busy sitting vigil by her horrorterror of an Ancestress, thankfully still conked out, Terezi chatting up a storm with her own, Karkat having fucked off for parts unknown, and no internet connection...

You'd be bored enough to cry like a little bitch without Roxy. Maybe enough to blast a second tunnel to the surface with your brain. Either/or. (Then again, after that you'd be outside but apparently outside there's plants and nature and shit. Nope.jpg.) When Roxy's awake, though, it's hard to remember that the walls are boring and rocky and the floor is hard and rocky and you are surrounded by boring hard rock and slumbering assholes and just about nothing else.

When she's awake you're too busy wanting to slap her across the snout. Only that'd be way too cheap.

"Choke on my hot long self-replicating worm, you script kiddie!"

"Iyaan, Solly-baby, what is this, it's too big, it'll never fit -- whoops I chomped it in half with my rad as hell firebirdwall. Hi there, nice files you have in that li'l folder!"

"Yeah, have fun with my dummy session while I slide all nice and tight in your backdoor--"

"You guys are the filthiest," says that other human girl, the short-and-round cerulean. ( She adds a sadly disappointed shake of her head... )

I am officially persuaded that ths fic is voodoo. I can't stop writing it. It's going by SO FAST. The fuck is going on.

Characters/Pairings: John Egbert/Karkat Vantas, Alpha and Beta kids.
Contains: Discussions of potential rape & skeeviness, culture clashes, prisoner of war stuff, creepy bioware, xeno shenanigans.
Summary: Basically I threw Gundam and Evangelion in a blender and poured the resulting coat of gross paint onto Homestuck characters. Wooo. Or, John Egbert Is A Teenage PseudoGundam Pilot Out To Save The World, Karkat Vantas Is An Evil Conquering Alien From Space, They Eventually Make Out.

( John woke up the next morning via a kick to the face. )

( SHIT ADI AND I SAID DURING THE WRITING. )