Life and Times of Teh Asuka

Half of the fic is humor and fluff and snarky dialogue (the snarky dialogue continues into the porn, tbh) (...in SPACE!! not that this is very plot-relevant. XD) The pairings are a big clusterfuck of overlapping two- and threesomes between Jade, Dave, Karkat, John and Terezi.

(the quadrant grid looks something like. uh. (john♦jade)♥karkat, terezi♥/♠karkat♥/♠dave, (john♠terezi)♣karkat, karkat♥jade♥dave etcetera etcetera. It's ridiculous.)

I love this 'verse. Might do more with it at a later date, idk. This fic is really just me catering to my poly needs in the most fun gratuitious way I could.

Also contains double penetration and recuperacoon sex. (that's basically a vat of goo that trolls sleep in, for those not up to date on homestuck lingo. XD)

( I would advise you to get your grubby claws off the gravity controls before I get to you, Mister Blueberry Surprise! )

No specific warnings this chapter. Apart from possibilities of slight to moderate brain breakage. 9_9

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From: Jade
Subject: (none)
Message: ummm dave why is there a dildo in your cubicle? :/

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Post-game 'verse, troll!kids.

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She wakes cradled in a womb.

It is dark in here, and wet warmth cocoons her, steals all gravity; she floats.

Her first thought is, well fuck. Growing up all over again is going to be so tedious.

She's read so many short stories with this exact premise -- reincarnation, and the slow erasure of the old self into the immaturity of synapses, unfinished neural pathways, preferable maybe to the madness one might succumb to after years of being trapped in a body that cannot move and fight and even focus its eyes on things farther than its own hands, that cannot communicate or be communicated with. She finds it so vexing; she kicks, swift as the thick liquid around her will allow it.

Bonk.

Ow.

This was not a flesh wall.

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Kankri's summoning is a lot less dramatic than Karkat's. Makes sense: Kankri is right here, and Karkat was ensconced somewhere in the farthest reaches of the demon realm. Kankri's summoning benefits from his own advice on the phase of the moon (waning, thanks ever so much for making everyone get up at three fucking AM, a time Dave had never seen from that end of the night) and other such ceremonial fiddly details; Karkat's was done pretty much blind.

Kankri wants to come; Karkat didn't.

They scream just as loud as each other.

( Read more... )

Warning: dubcon.

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"You're bleeding" is the first thing Karkat says to Jade of his own volition, and it sounds a bit like an accusation.

Dave's partner pauses in the middle of pulling herself out of the backseat. (Karkat is too used to his hidey hole beside Dave to change spots without a fight, and he's been tense around Jade enough as it is.) Dave leans in to frown at her.

"You manage to hurt yourself before we even get on scene, Harley? Are you going after Egbert's crown of oopses or what?"

Jade is looking puzzled, mostly. She pulls herself out of the car and blinks down at Dave's demon. "What are you talking about?" she asks, or starts to ask.

Then she notices where Karkat is staring at about the same time Dave does.

"Oh shit, not today!" Jade groans. Dave turns away, not at all hurriedly. Who was looking at his partner's cooch here? Surely not a gentleman like Dave Lalonde Strider.

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(not that this is the only chapter that contains porn, just that it's the only chapter that contains nothing but. reminder that this is xeno.)

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Dave is in the process of cleaning after lunch (read: putting takeout boxes inside each other in order of size, with dirty paper napkins stuffed in the cracks) when his phone rings.

"Don't quit police work for journalism," is the first thing his brother tells him.

"Wow, I love you too, Dirkiepoo. My article on the buying habits of demons in grocery stores was a success and everyone knows it."

Karkat looks up at hearing the word; Dave shrugs at him. His demon is elbow-blade-deep in a marshmallow bag. It's already half empty. On second thought perhaps Dave shouldn't have let him choose the one he wanted.

"We got complaints from the vendor, you scared his other customers off."

"Pff, he'll sing another tune when everyone wants to buy shit from his store because it was once patroned by the illustrious Karkat Vantas. Also I asked him if it was okay before coming in and he said yes, so hey, it's all on him."

"You said 'service animal', you asshole," Karkat says, loud enough for the phone to pick up. Dirk scoffs. "You said, 'hello, Detective Strider, do you mind if I come in with my service animal, don't want to leave him in the street.' I should have chosen a bigger bag."

"There was no bigger, Jesus, Karkat, you could stuff your head in that and still have room for a shoulder. Anyway, Dirk, what do you want, answer is no, I'm on leave. Captain said so, you can't make me."

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When the patrol car arrives at the scene Karkat is still licking frosting off his fingers. He radiates smug; getting two cupcakes when he was promised one was apparently enough to distract him from his hatred of cars.

Also enough to comfort his feeling that Dave is a chump. But that's par for the course.( Read more... )

pr0ns again!
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He has a headache when he wakes, which doesn't presage many good things for today. There's a few forks back on the floor, but half-heartedly. He eyes them from the couch and doesn't move. It's... Nine past nine and nine seconds, Aradia informs him. Okay, he's pretty sure she woke him up. She likes patterned numbers like that.

He bends at the waist, rummages under the couch, finds a candle in the offering box. There's a little shelf over the armrest where he put his head, usually for the TV remote. He puts the candle on it, looking at it upside-down. She's not asking him to do that, he's just refusing to sit up for real.

I don't mind, she tells him, soothing and amused. Time flows the same way upside-down!( Read more... )

this one's nsfw.

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